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Its possible. WW was never a money grubber though. We have always had separate accounts. I do trust the FIL when he says that he wants us to be together. If she leaves HE will be supporting her since she has no job and no prospects. Keep in mind YEG that it might not be about money. It might be about custody of DD5. WW or even FIL may have already spoken to an attorney that advised her to get back into the house pronto. You cannot overlook this. It seems to me that you are setting the bar too low. This has gone on long enough with her putting in no effort. It's time to put a stake in the sand and tell her that she needs to start putting in effort to work on the M. Starting with counseling with SH. I think you should make that a condition of her returning to the home period.
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YEG,
She's coming back because she feels she has no better options. You killed Plan B too early.
The fact that DD5 was upset was an excuse for you to contact WW. It falls on you to comfort WW. The impact of D will be there on DD5 no matter what. Contacting WW to tell her that DD5 is upset is an excuse.
I know because I use to do the same thing. The guideline on contacting your WW regarding DD5 is that you don't unless there is blood on the floor somewhere or someone will die unless you talk to her.
Otherwise everything regarding DD5, such as school, can be handled via email.
Divorcing couples use the kids as excuses to talk to the other parent all the time. There is no need for the communication 99% of the time.
Console DD5 yourself. Your WW has no business doing so.
You can't guilt WW into coming back by using DD5's anguish as an excuse to talk to her. That is what is happening.
I know you don't see it that way, but having lived it myself, I look back and see I did that very thing.
Plan B means NO communication short of blood on the floor and imminent death. Otherwise you're enough of a parent to handle the care of DD5 all on your own without her input.
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Keep in mind YEG that it might not be about money. It might be about custody of DD5. WW or even FIL may have already spoken to an attorney that advised her to get back into the house pronto. You cannot overlook this. Agreed!
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Keep in mind YEG that it might not be about money. It might be about custody of DD5. WW or even FIL may have already spoken to an attorney that advised her to get back into the house pronto. You cannot overlook this. Agreed! Sigh....I really hope that is NOT the case...but unfortunately it can very well be! I wish you didn't call her  Oh well...now all we have to do is wait and see right?  <--crossing fingers
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Keep in mind YEG that it might not be about money. It might be about custody of DD5. WW or even FIL may have already spoken to an attorney that advised her to get back into the house pronto. You cannot overlook this. Your right. I need to consider that. I will still push her for a commitment to the marriage. She needs to give mean answer one way or the other. We dont have to solve everything overnight but we need to work towards a common goal. The fact that DD5 was upset was an excuse for you to contact WW. It falls on you to comfort WW. The impact of D will be there on DD5 no matter what. Contacting WW to tell her that DD5 is upset is an excuse.
I know because I use to do the same thing. The guideline on contacting your WW regarding DD5 is that you don't unless there is blood on the floor somewhere or someone will die unless you talk to her.
Otherwise everything regarding DD5, such as school, can be handled via email. I PB resumes I will do this. I got upset and let my feelings get away from me.
(ME) BS - 33YO (HER) WW - 32YO Married 7 years DD5 D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA) Exposure 5/7/10 Plan A 5/7/10 - Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM My thread
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So what are you requiring from her at this time YEG? At an absolute minimum you should insist that she does a call with SH. I get the feeling you are letting her back home to separate bedrooms and right back into the same state of limbo you were already in previously. How is that helpful? I will tell you how it is helpful....it is helpful to her legal case to be back in the house with DD5. If she is back for the right reasons then make her prove it. Make her show you that she is going to give the M a shot.
Just returning to the way things were only hurts you. Better off not having her come back at all.
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This may very well be a case of severe fog and withdrawal. However, she showed some life after she was told she would get the PINK slip.
We do not know why WW is changing her story. However, it is possible WW came back after her dad convinced WW she would lose everything. I don't think YEG should keep FIL up to date.
One would think that Plan B seems to get better results with this WW.
Like I said the insinuation of the word divorce always brought my FWW back to reality very quickly.
Last edited by Stan-ley; 06/28/10 11:26 AM.
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The fact that DD5 was upset was an excuse for you to contact WW. It falls on you to comfort WW. The impact of D will be there on DD5 no matter what. Contacting WW to tell her that DD5 is upset is an excuse.
I know because I use to do the same thing. The guideline on contacting your WW regarding DD5 is that you don't unless there is blood on the floor somewhere or someone will die unless you talk to her.
Otherwise everything regarding DD5, such as school, can be handled via email. I can relate, my friend. Learn from it and don't repeat it. Bestof luck.
Last edited by helpthelostdads; 06/28/10 03:22 PM.
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Once more dear friends.
Here is the long awaited post on our anniversary. We went to church. At church i stood in front of teh entire congregation and read WW a piece of scripture about marriage. Short and sweet. i also read a poem about anniversaries. WW appreciated it but was a little uncomfortable.
Later we went off. We drove about an hour away. We went o an art museum. She was really how and uncomfortable but it was something different. We ate gelato, it was over 100 F so it was really good. Ended up going to a mall we use to live by. Reminisced some there and we bought a new pair of shoes for her. The ones she had were too uncomfortable and were cutting her feet.
After that we headed downtown again for dinner. Dinner was great. We talked alot. We are both foodies so it was alot of fun. She said she really enjoyed it. We had a few drinks there.
From the mall on things were really laid back. We chatted about old times, even flirted a few times. She said the wind was getting in her skirt. I was saying That makes 2 of us. She gave me "that look" the one that says I wanna slap you but really i dont.
Way back it was good. She slept most of the ways. I was singing in the car and such. She loves it when I sing but she said she didnt hear it.
Today things were status quo again pretty much though. We went to a nice italian place with DD5. It was tasty. We had a good meal then went for coffee. I paid for coffee she paid for the meal.
Then we sat down. earlier today I had written her an email about the 2 paths ahead of us. The path of divorce and the path to reconciliation. Of course she never read it. So I pretty much spelled it out for her.
She committed as well as she will (she always leaves herself wiggle room) to making a decision by thursday. The divorce path the conversation was very professional. She didnt fight any of it. She just listened. During the reconciliation part she started pulling away some. She would glance occasionally at the magazine. Didnt want to look me in the eye. I stressed the fact I was willing to be patient as long as we are committed to each other and moving forward.
I asked her if it would help if I left her alone the next few days. She said she think that would be best. Its her days with DD5 so she is going to watch her. Im going to be flying solo the next few days.
So here is the deal. Thursday Im either going Plan B or into recovery. My money is on PB. The weekend was good but I think she has already decided in her mind that the M is unsalvagable. Ive got a call into FIL to let him know the status. So he can push to give her guidance if she wants. Also to let him know to rent a truck if she doesnt want to stay and such. Hopefully the stuff with DD5 this weekend will help give her the strength to keep trying. She is learning the pain that divorce causes.
Good news is WW agreed to talk to Steve. She wants to ask him about how we can tell DD5 if we are getting a divorce. Dont really care as long as she talks to him. He will tell her the best way to handle it but i he will also try to sell her on staying as well. She will be in PB at that point but the doubt in her head may wake her up.
I can tell you all its going to be a combo plan B/D. im not calling off the D if i go PB. It may not be the best PB but at this point I want it done one way or another. My daughter is hurting by this limbo nonsense and I am hurting.
I want a health happy marriage. I want it with the WW but at this point Im not holding my breath. Im sure she will tell me she wants to move out almost but I know she will still really have not made up her mind. I think she needs a divorce trial run. She wants to test drive it. I know I have done everything I can to save the M and I sleep well at night. She can barelly sleep at all. I have learned to place it in Gods hands finally and that has give me strength. Plan B will work its magic either way. Either it will cure her or kick her. At this point im not really particular. My love bank is reaching critical levels so its time.
So its T minus 3 till decision day.
Side bar The wife returned my Gnite text tonite. Shocker.
(ME) BS - 33YO (HER) WW - 32YO Married 7 years DD5 D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA) Exposure 5/7/10 Plan A 5/7/10 - Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM My thread
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This was the email I sent her. Its already sent but i figured yall might wanna see it. WW,
You told me last night that everyone knows more about the divorce than you do. So im going to give you all the facts I have. Im doing this in email so its easiest to process.
First of all thank you for going to PLACE XXX with me yesterday. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you for hugging me before I left as well. The affection really does mean something to me.
Saying that here is where the divorce stands and where I stand.
Immediately after I found out I filed a complaint. That is the start of the divorce process. The original temparary hearing date was 6/22/10. That obviously did not happen. I wanted to give you the time to figure out what you wanted and to show you the changes in my life. Im up against a deadline now though. I must serve you soon or drop the complaint. That is why I am asking for an answer by the end of the month.
I dont want a divorce in any way. I believe we have learned alot from this about ourselves and each other. I believe the answers are out there. We need to find them. We can use knowledge that we find to rebuild our love for each other and create a wonderful marriage and family that we can thrive in.
There are 2 paths in front of us.
One is separation. If you tell me that you cant continue that is the path in front of us. If this is the road you choose id ask you to move your stuff out of the house. You will need to find your own car insurance and cell phone plan. I will continue to keep you on my health insurance until the divorce is final but id ask that you reimburse me. During the seperation I cant be your friend. That time for me will be used to preparing myself for life without the woman I love and taking the best possible care of DD5 that I can.
Know that I dont want this but I will continue with the divorce proceedings. If both sides arent committed there is no chance to repair our M and we should both find new lives. I want to be in a loving caring relationship with the woman I love. If that is not a possibility though I will look for happiness when the divorce is final.
The other plan is the one I would like to pursue.
This is the path of reconciliation and us moving forward hand in hand and saving our M. Its the path that we rebuild our lives together and solve our problems together as a team.
I know this is a very hard and long path but im willing to take that journey with you. I understand that happiness will be tough. It will be tough either way though.
If we do this I am willing to take it very slow though. I know that we cant just jump back in and be immediately happy.
There are 2 things that I ask if we go this path.
1- Committment to the M. This entails stopping the divorce process. I would like a reconciliation agreement. All I ask is that you waive any rights to alimony and a few other protections for the both of us. I dont think you want this regardless. This will allow my parents and family to see this and will aid us in reintroducing you to the family. They want to forgive and that will make it easier.
Id also like a commitment to educating ourselves on find a plan to save our marriage. There are programs out there I know will work for us. We just need to find them. When we get that knowledge we can put together a plan as a team to fight for our marraige. It will be hard work and im up for it. You are the love of my life and I want you with me till my last breathe.
Id also like you just to tell me that you are recommitting yourself to me. It may seem small but it will mean the world to me to hear those words.
2- Close up the remaining paths for contact with COM- I believe that you are not contacting him. I do not trust him entirely though. I feel he may try to contact you again. To this id like you to inform him via a letter that you have recommitted yourself to me and that you want to end all contact with him forever. I know this is a hard thing for you to do.
Id also like to have to have access to your facebook page, email to ensure he isnt contacting you there. I dont believe you are. I just want to be able to prove it to myself. I am open to discussion on this.
I understand you may not be ready for me to move immediately back into the house or the bed. I would like this but im willing to be patient. I would like you to move back into the house as soon as your ready but im willing for you to stay in the guest bedroom. Then as we become more comfortable with each other we can share a bed again.
I know money is a tricky point as well. Please know that I want to provide the best life I can for you and DD5. The changes I have made concerning money are real. I ask that you give me a chance to show them to you.
I want you to find happiness. I know I cant do that. I want you to find something that makes you happy. Be it school, cooking, cake baking, being a housewife, or going back to work. I will support you 100% in whatever decision you want to make. We can make changes to our spending habits and bills to allow us to do this. We will still be able to take those trips we always wanted and have a great life.
I honestly think that happiness is out there. We can find it together. Us being back together is part of it but not the entire solution. I look forward to finding that solution with you.
Please feel free to email me back any questions. I will also be by the house later so we can discuss it if you would like. If you need extra time this week to think im willing to give it too you. I would like to Call DD5 at night but im willing to give you complete privacy for you to think and pray on this decision.
Your Loving husband
BS
(ME) BS - 33YO (HER) WW - 32YO Married 7 years DD5 D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA) Exposure 5/7/10 Plan A 5/7/10 - Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM My thread
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I refused to read it because it was to long.
So I don't blame your WW for not reading it.
Also how many times have you been told to knock off relationship talk?
Yet you still do it. WW's are not going to listen. They refuse to be educated.
Stop begging your WW to come back to the marriage.
Yes I said stop begging. Your selling, eplaining, justifying to your WW the reasons to do so are only viewed by her as begging, being needy. Turns offs to women.
Alos stop telling FIL to do thingds as get WW a moving truck. If WW wants a D FIL is not going to help WW lose the house custody CS alimony.
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This WW is turned off by needy behavior; I agree.
In fact, most women are turned off by needy behavior.
YEG, you are also an open book with no mystery-------- you are predictable.
This has Plan B written all over.
Do it and do not offer explanations.
Close the door, do not keep saying it is open.
Last edited by Stan-ley; 06/29/10 06:43 AM.
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I agree. YEG, your wife has no worries when it comes to you. She KNOWS she can pretty much do what she wants and you'll still be there, even if you carry on with the divorce. So far your ultimatums haven't worked... and I don't think they'll work now. Your wife needs a rude awakening and her safety net (You!) needs to disappear into a deep dark Plan B. Honestly.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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yeg,
I just wanted to sign in and say that your fixer personality is taking over here, go to your Plan B unless she does a big change in attitude......
Take care of yourself and your child right now, make sure you take care of the legal things to protect your future how ever that unfolds......
Your wife knows all the points in order to make her decision, she is not willing to just jump in and commit to your relationship.....
My therapist says to me that I always want answers to my situation like Now.....he said don't do that, give it time to process all the stages of this situation.....I think you are the same.......
What I did for months with my husband was I just kept saying that if this is the decision he has made for himself and that the OW was what really made him happy that he could chose to leave me and his family as he had known it for 22 years.....
I told him that I loved him and that I didn't want our marriage to end and that I was hanging on to the man I used to know, the good man his family believed in......
I took all the steps to make that happen for him even though I was hurting, when it came down to him being free to making that decision he didn't want to and now is working towards being a great husband and feels regret for all the pain and confusion he has put apon this family.....
It almost seemed like being that soft place for him to be(Plan A) and accepting his feelings and owning my part in the marriage breakdown....it freed him to actually start think about what life would be for him without us and what life would be with someone he had only know for 6 months, no past, no history......a life time is a lot to give up and not usually the end result that the affair partner really thought about.....Be strong in who you are and if she choses not to stay with you in a good marriage let her go for now......when she wakes up you can always try again when she is thinking straight......don't take care of her anymore, let her feel what it will be like without you.....for now make it look like you are moving forward like she seems to want.........keep yourself busy..........good luck.....((hugs))
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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YEG, i've highlighted my least favorite parts of this email. i'll let the vets advise on Plan B strategic advantage, but i'm just not liking this tone of acquiescence and you-can-have-whatever-you-want-if-you'll-just-come-home. you're talking to her entirely too much, and the more she waffles, the more you entice. STOP. First of all thank you for going to PLACE XXX with me yesterday. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you for hugging me before I left as well. The affection really does mean something to me. STOP IT!! you just said thank you to HER for the anniversary dinner YOU planned. and then "thank you for hugging me"??? do you feel like you owe her a thank you, for real? ...Id also like you just to tell me that you are recommitting yourself to me. It may seem small but it will mean the world to me to hear those words. SHE IS NOT DOING YOU A FAVOR. YOU ARE DOING HER A FAVOR. ..id like you to inform him [OM] via a letter that you have recommitted yourself to me and that you want to end all contact with him forever...I know this is a hard thing for you to do. nor should you CARE that it's a hard thing to do. no sympathy. ...Id also like to have to have access to your facebook page, email to ensure he isnt contacting you there. I dont believe you are. I just want to be able to prove it to myself. I am open to discussion on this. no you are NOT open to discussion on this, and you don't need to sound all apologetic about wanting access. its either a condition or it isn't. is it one of your conditions, YEG? then it's not arbitrary and she doesn't get to rearrange the boundaries you set....I understand you may not be ready for me to move immediately back into the house or the bed. I would like this but im willing to be patient. I would like you to move back into the house as soon as your ready but im willing for you to stay in the guest bedroom. Then as we become more comfortable with each other we can share a bed again. please. do you see the pattern of I WOULD LIKE OUTCOME A, BUT I"M WILLING TO SETTLE FOR OUTCOME B? ...I know money is a tricky point as well. Please know that I want to provide the best life I can for you and DD5. The changes I have made concerning money are real. I ask that you give me a chance to show them to you.... [/quote] let the divorced hard-a55es reply to this one re money--HelpTheLostDads, are you in the building?
YOU WOULD LIKE OUTCOME A, BUT YOU ARE WILLING TO ACCEPT OUTCOME B. YOU USED THIS "I WOULD LIKE/BUT I AM WILLING" LIKE 5 or 6 TIMES IN THIS ONE E-MAIL!!!! DON'T EVER LET HER THINK SHE'S DOING YOU A FAVOR!!![/size][size:17pt]
Last edited by RemainNameless; 06/29/10 11:35 AM.
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This has Plan B written all over.
Do it and do not offer explanations.
Close the door, do not keep saying it is open. She is going to close the door. I understand that. Im not a 180 guy. Sorry. I never was able to do it. PB starts in 2 days anyways. Shouldnt have broke it last time. Your wife needs a rude awakening and her safety net (You!) needs to disappear into a deep dark Plan B. Honestly. Yep. Its the only chance that she comes back now. Just hope I still want her when she does. ...Be strong in who you are and if she choses not to stay with you in a good marriage let her go for now......when she wakes up you can always try again when she is thinking straight......don't take care of her anymore, let her feel what it will be like without you.....for now make it look like you are moving forward like she seems to want.. If she isnt happy with me she needs to find her happiness somewhere else. Just rip off the bandaid and go. STOP IT!! you just said thank you to HER for the anniversary dinner YOU planned. and then "thank you for hugging me"??? do you feel like you owe her a thank you, for real? Kinda wanted to show her I appreciated it. I never use to say TY. if she's signing agreements with a poor-me attitude and not showing YOU some gratitude for being willing to let her have a second chance, you can smile kindly and take the papers back from her and say, "if you're not comfortable with the reconciliation agreement, maybe you shouldn't sign it now. i'd hate for you to make a decision you'd regret." SHE IS NOT DOING YOU A FAVOR. YOU ARE DOING HER A FAVOR. Im trying to get her to talk to steve. Steve just wants them there he can deal with the martyrs. Its not going to matter anyways Im 90% sure she wants to go so she needs to leave already. no you are NOT open to discussion on this, and you don't need to sound all apologetic about wanting access. its either a condition or it isn't. is it one of your conditions, YEG? then it's not arbitrary and she doesn't get to rearrange the boundaries you set. NC isnt optional. How we handle the PWs and accounts is. I dont care if I have access to them As long as someone does. YOU WOULD LIKE OUTCOME A, BUT YOU ARE WILLING TO ACCEPT OUTCOME B. YOU USED THIS "I WOULD LIKE/BUT I AM WILLING" LIKE 5 or 6 TIMES IN THIS ONE E-MAIL!!!! DON'T EVER LET HER THINK SHE'S DOING YOU A FAVOR!!! is what it is. Its already sent. Being forceful isnt my strong point. Ill be able to handle Plan B. Thats where this bus is going anyways. Im not giving up but ive lost all hope for a Plan A recovery. Not much really to say. It either will be enough or it wont. Im just ready for this part to be over. waiting till thursday was stupid since she has already made up her mind. Its all over but the crying now. Plan B sucks but its the way it is. Ill get use to it. Going to work out today. Then im going to run a few miles. Wee.
(ME) BS - 33YO (HER) WW - 32YO Married 7 years DD5 D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA) Exposure 5/7/10 Plan A 5/7/10 - Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM My thread
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Im not giving up but ive lost all hope for a Plan A recovery. You DO realize that a Plan A recovery is VERY VERY rare, don't you? In fact, I can't recall a single instance where there was a recovery based solely on Plan A since I've been here. I could be wrong, I wouldn't be surprised about that. A stellar Plan A followed by a very tight, dark Plan B is the order of things, and I think you've done a good job with your Plan A. There's no reason for you to completely give up at this point. In my mind, you're only half way through the plans. Let's see how this goes okay? I can hear the despondency in your words. (((Yeg)))
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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YEG! i read that over--"it's already been sent. it's...already been...SENT...?"
now i feel like a great big jerk for YELLING AT YOU!
you're right on all points, including the thank-yous--get her home and let Steve deal with her. keep your head up, buddy, you're doing brilliant. you can come yell at me on my thread! =)bring your 2x4s, people!
p.s. don't most people have to go to Plan B? isn't it really rare for Plan A alone to bring WS back to their senses? keep in mind, i didn't have the benefit of MB during the early days of our recovery, so i don't know the stats. i thought plan b was pretty much the rule, not the exception.[b][/b]
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 370 |
You DO realize that a Plan A recovery is VERY VERY rare, don't you? In fact, I can't recall a single instance where there was a recovery based solely on Plan A since I've been here. I could be wrong, I wouldn't be surprised about that. Here is my problem. The OM is totally out of the picture from all I see. She has no job. She has no income. Only thing she has to fall back on is her parents. She has a child with me. I have a great job. She admits to me that ive made the changes she has wanted for 5 years now and Im saying all the right things. She even says she loves me. So why wont she give me a chance? What sins did I commit that were so unpardonable? I can understand her cheating on me even. people make mistakes. After putting me through all that i dont even get a shot? The other reason is I see PA recoveries all the time on here. WW when they are caught swear off the OM. They are hard. Dont get me wrong but people get through it. Look at Rn. Once she was caught she went back to her husband. he didnt even have to PA her. We see FWS come on here asking how to get their BS back all the time. They are contrite. I know they arent the norm but its hard. now i feel like a great big jerk for YELLING AT YOU! No worries. Honestly I dont care what people say. I just like to see responses to my thread. It makes me feel like im not alone in this. A stellar Plan A followed by a very tight, dark Plan B is the order of things, and I think you've done a good job with your Plan A. There's no reason for you to completely give up at this point. In my mind, you're only half way through the plans. Let's see how this goes okay? I can hear the despondency in your words. I follow procedures for a living. I know they work. I know this is my best chance. Honestly I feel like im mearly going through the motions though. I know what im saying to her is getting to her. What she is saying is getting to me too though. We have been married for 7 years. The first year was great. The next 5 were rough and the last one was pure and total hell capped off in her F^&*ing another guy. She keeps pointing this out to me. maybe I should just start listening. Im Pam Polyanna talking to her. I say the right things but Im starting to doubt them myself. She just hurts me so much. Saying how I was such a terrible husband. Its garbage I know but what am i really saving? The ONLY reason I havent tapped out yet is because I am scared that I will regret it later if I pull the plug too quick and I dont want the guilt of ruining my daughters life with a broken family. I know my LB$ is running low. The keep going at all costs attitude is DONE. At this point I just want this over. One way or another. If I had my way it would be in a with her WW but the other option looks better everyday. I know I wont be able to do a long drawn out scorched earth PB. If we go to it I will let the dates just fall where they may. Where the clerk schedules the court dates is how they will be. If she just bunkers down and waits it out then the M is over. Im not dragging my feet. If she shows contrition or ASKS for more time ill consider that. I just dont expect it. In the end I kinda feel that i may have wasted 7 years of my life on a bad decision. I got a great daughter out of it but maybe the WW was never M material and I dont feel like wasting another 2 years on a sinking ship. I want love in and care in my life again and while im not going wayward for it im not going to think for a second that it will only be possible with WW.
(ME) BS - 33YO (HER) WW - 32YO Married 7 years DD5 D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA) Exposure 5/7/10 Plan A 5/7/10 - Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM My thread
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 533
Member
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Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 533 |
Hang in there YEG. One of the most common things in a wayward is that they re-write history. She may have been happy in those years, you have to look at how you felt during that time to gauge how things really were. She is more or less lying to herself to justify her actions, still.
I still have a hard time trying not to believe the old lies that I heard months ago. I know they are not true, but every once in a while they will come back to haunt me. For example, today Sapph was frustrated with the kids when I got home. All she wanted was a little affection from me. I saw that she was sad and instantly thought about the lie that she was not happy for the last 5 years of our marriage. I had to ask her several times if it was the kids or the marriage that was frustrating her. She just told me that a little affection would make her feel better.
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