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Ah, I remember my hometown Piggly Wiggly.

Right down the road from the airport.

I don't get it, though. All my life, I've been told "but you don't SOUND like a southerner!"

Guess I'm a Yank born into the wrong part 'o the country.

/tj

Last edited by karmasrose; 07/21/10 10:13 PM.

One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Mark,

I grew up north of you in Illinois, and we had a Piggly Wiggly in my hometown, with a Jewel/Osco in the town where I went to high school. The Pig has a Midwestern presence, trust me. However, the only Dominics in my neck of the woods are my DW's grandfather and her kid brother (middle name only).

Now I live in the Deep South, and within three miles of my house we have TWO Piggly Wigglys, TWO Publix, a Winn-Dixie, and TWO Super Wal-Marts.

I've been down here so long that I'll take Krystal over White Castle any day of the week.

But no real pizza. Darnit.

Last edited by AheadOfTheCurve; 07/21/10 11:15 PM. Reason: Forgot about the Southern Sliders!!!!

BH 52
FWW 50
S26 S24
EA 3/07-1/09
PA 5/07-10/08
NC finally established after eight false starts: 1/23/09
Final Version of Events 6/09
In a solid Recovery, and lucky beyond belief.
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What is Publix? I've never heard of it before now.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Publix grocery store has the best key lime pie God ever allowed humans to create.....Darn, now I have to drive all the way across town to buy one. Auburn doesn't have a Pig anymore....too many Yankees moved in and it went out of business. In fact, one o' them fancy shmancy HEALTHY natural birkenstock grocery stores just opened up in its place. "Earthfare." Makes me wanna sing "Age of Aquarius."

SW, you better come back...the natives are restless. We are all in contempt of court!

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Originally Posted by saddestwife
MelodyLane & Gloveoil (whose post seems to have mysteriously disappeared), I made the following statement within hours of appearing on this site:

"I gather this [forum]is not meant for the betraying spouse. If anyone knows of a [forum] point me to it."

No one told me I didn't belong here or that my thoughts and feelings should be limited to my own thread until the two of you tonight.

From my understanding, if there is a thread for newly waywards, we would all end up merely "commiserating" and heading down Wayward World Fantasyland to our own detriment, our spouses detriment, and the detriment of the world.
I was on another thread yesterday (Redeem_me)-- a new WW (D-Day: 07/07/10). I was showing some (what I thought was "empathy") and was quickly dealt with. Scotland suggested I go back to my own thread. I've respected his opinion, I don't want to harm her...so I..."don't know" really. I come to believe that the only thing I can say to her is...well, let me not get started because I can have a sharp tongue when I feel provoked.

Originally Posted by saddestwife
MelodyLane, you said I am akin to an alcoholic and need to get more or less sober (I'm paraphrasing here) before I try to help anyone else.

Me too. This kinda makes sense. So I am trying to take the cotton out of my ears...

Originally Posted by saddestwife
I've never been to an AA meeting, but if only those who are recovered (by whatever definition) are given a voice, I can't imagine it would help the people there getting their one day chip. I'm guessing those folks who only hear of the wonderful success of the people who have been sober for 1, 5 10, 20 years, take their chip and go to the 7-11 and buy a 6 pack. I understood the AA program to be people reaching across all levels of recovery to help those in a different place.

Nope. "Wrong." That's what MamaBear told me. I have this whole AA thing wrong and so do you. (We shouldn't derive our understanding of AA from movies.) She says that in AA, the vets speak and the newbies (pretty much) shut up and say "thank you". We're going to have to take her word for that. I never went to an AA meeting, either.


Originally Posted by saddestwife
I'm guessing (and I'm sure MB has statistics on this) that the vast majority of threads are begun by BS's

Well, I guess that's fair enough. They've been wronged and deserve more support than waywards...???

Originally Posted by saddestwife
My read is that this forum is driven by BW's and their WH's, neither of whom have any room for compassion for the WW.

Waywards don't deserve compassion. I, at least, understand that much. This is not a place for that. Waywards are to be lined up before the firing squad and "dealt with" expeditiously. It is only this sort of harsh treatment that will wake you up to the realities of life outside of the fog-realm. I'm being quite serious. There are numerous waywards here who will attest to the fact that this sort of treatment is what turned them around. They are now outside of the fog. One day we will look back and understand how stupid we are for not being gracious in accepting our just desserts.


Originally Posted by saddestwife
If there is another WW who has had the c*** beaten out of her and come back day after day spewing her nonsense like I have, I haven't found the thread -- but I'm actively looking.

Hi, Saddest. I'm Fullmoon. Nice to meet you. I have read halfway through your thread-- not the entire thing. I am not trying to commiserate with you...so don't get the wrong idea. I'm just saying hello.

Originally Posted by saddestwife
There is a lot of talk here about MB principles. For example, I was told with great vigor that my feelings are irrelevant, and indeed offensive, that if H wanted the "gory details", I must tell him -- no context, just tell him, that I must offer my H "Extraordinary Measures" and if I was unwilling I should divorce him. I could go on, but I won't.

Your feelings don't matter 'cause they aren't real. And neither are mine.

Originally Posted by saddestwife
You say I shouldn't post on other forums until I have my own house in order. You say I need to conform to MB principles when I post. Please show me where in the MB principles you find the content of the posts from not2fun and black-raven to me above. Because I am absolutely certain that MB principles don't say I need to do whatever H asks for whatever time he says, and I am POSITIVE that MB principles say that the ONLY way to affair proof a marriage is to ensure that each spouse's most important emotional needs are met -- i.e., the only way to affair proof my marriage is for my H to be nice to me and me to be nice to him and for us to fall in love again.

Lawyers, present and former, should not be on this forum with *THAT* sort of nonconformist thinking.

Originally Posted by saddestwife
You don't want my voice in the forum at large, fine. I'll shut up. But the numbers of me are growing.

This is the only thing you've been right about.


Originally Posted by saddestwife
I am stubborn and strong -- most women who are coming out of an A are just not. You will absolutely without question run them off just with the content -- the majority of the few who dare to post will quickly leave, of those who stay most will say what your want to hear because they are desperate lonely women in withdrawal who need any kind of affirmation, and then there are the me's.

D*mn it, are we related!?

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Very hard to get real pizza out west.

West of the Hudson River.

Where civilization ends.

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Saddest,

I was in the store yesterday directly after a workout...my first in several months. (Off topic: working out was the best time of my day. It certainly relieves both the mind and body of stress...such as this...)

So, I was looking rather unkept (I thought)...interestingly enough, random people were talking to me. One lady talked to me for 15 or 20 minutes and didn't know me from Tom, [censored], or Harry. She went into all different topics: she mentioned her ex-husband who cheated on her. My ears perked up and I encouraged her to talk. She had been married to him for 26 years and he cheated, moved in with OW. I asked if she forgave him. She did forgive him...once. But eventually she divorced him. This all happened years ago. Yet it is so fresh that she is telling a complete stranger in the store about it...about their son choosing him and moving in with them, the OW kicking the son out when he was of age, how she took him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement, how cheating is just "nasty", how it is just "not there" (not "in her") to date again.

I do "get it" why the BS and others on this board completely disregard the feelings of the WS, why there is no room for compassion/relating/empathy...because they are still hurting and effected by it every sinlge day. Years later. I, also, believe that they have our best interests at heart in "de-fogging" waywards...but they speak from pain. I am not trying to minimize that or be disrespectful to that when I speak...write...but it seems that the fact that I even have feelings at all (post EA) is blasphemous. This is the part I "don't get".

In that case, there is no one here who has yet recovered. When does "recovery" end if they don't release the pain? ...if they don't "let go"? ...if they have to live looking over their shoulders (at their wayward) waiting for the other shoe to drop? How can you truly forgive if you expect someone now to "bow down before you" for their mistake/poor behavior (A)? WWJD? I am saying none of this to be flippant, rude...these are all legitimate questions. I truly want to understand.

Fullmoon

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Originally Posted by lurioosi2
SW, you better come back...the natives are restless. We are all in contempt of court!

Luri, I'm here for you if you have an opinion on my questions...

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fullmoon, a sign of a fogged out wayward mind is someone who worries more about GETTING forgiveness than in doing the things to EARN IT. It sounds to me like you are overly enamored with the former.

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I do "get it" why the BS and others on this board completely disregard the feelings of the WS, why there is no room for compassion/relating/empathy...

I hope that you do understand why there is no "compassion" for the perpetrator because that would be ridiculous. When someone is raped are we concerned about the rape victim or the rapist?

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. I am not trying to minimize that or be disrespectful to that when I speak...write...but it seems that the fact that I even have feelings at all (post EA) is blasphemous.

It depends on WHAT your feelings are. If they are unproductive feelings, ie: longing for a filthy affair, then no one wants to listen to that crap. Those kind of feelings are unproductive and no one is going to help you be unproductive.

Its sort like in AA meeting. They don't allow the newcomers to blather on about how much they miss booze. That is a waste of time and a distraction. Yes, we know they miss booze, but as long as a person is focused on booze, they are not focused on recovery. The same with adultery.

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When does "recovery" end if they don't release the pain? ...if they don't "let go"? ...

Usually never. This is a scar that remains with most people for life. This is more traumatic than rape of the death of a child. That is not something that just "goes away. "


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Usually never. This is a scar that remains with most people for life. This is more traumatic than rape of the death of a child. That is not something that just "goes away. "


And just so no one thinks ML is speaking metaphorically or hyperbolically, THIS was posted yesterday by a BS on this forum:

Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Actually we had a child 3 years ago who passed a day after he was born.

Honestly (call me cold) but this hurts worse than his passing. His was a tradgedy. An accident. This was a purposeful and hurtful thing done deliberately...

NO, fm - you don't 'get it' not yet. You think you do, but you don't.

Hopefully you will.


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fullmoon, thank you for your offer of support. In three days I will have a 4-year D-Day anniversary. And I can tell you that my feelings post D-Day were very real, very intense, and very valid.

And the vets are right.

I missed the OM. So what? Was dwelling on him and analyzing why I "loved" him and trying to figure out "how" to not think about what I was thinking about when I shouldn't be thinking it going to help my M? Nope. And IS there a difference between hurting because someone cut your arm off and hurting because you cut your own arm off? Yep. And does a marriage recover faster if a WS focuses on their devastated BS with humility. responsibility, and patience? You betcha. And is vicitmhood and sarcastic attempts to induce guilt and cry woe-is-me highly unattractive? Boy howdy!

I have been a WS. I thought I loved OM. I was miserable in an emotionless, roommate, sexless M. I know exactly how it feels to be a victim of your own bad choices. And all that really matters is that A. I stopped cheating B. I was broken and truly repentant over what I had done and C. I was willing to do whatever it took for as long as it took to repair MY stuff in the M without looking for applause (because that is what I should have been doing anyway instead of rocking the bed with OM).

I don't mean to be insensitive, but if WS's would spend all the time they use constructing arguments and dramatizing and sympathizing and trying to make others feel bad for making them feel bad actually looking the horror of what they CHOSE full in the face and acting from humility.....A lot more M's would be saved a lot faster.

If you ever have physical therapy for surgery or an injury, you will find that the best physical therapists are not the ones who hand you tissues and pat you and tell you they know your knee hurts. The best ones will urge you to keep going, bend father, work through the pain, so that you can get your range of motion back.

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Originally Posted by fullmoon16
I do "get it" why the BS and others on this board completely disregard the feelings of the WS, why there is no room for compassion/relating/empathy...because they are still hurting and effected by it every sinlge day. Years later. I, also, believe that they have our best interests at heart in "de-fogging" waywards...but they speak from pain. I am not trying to minimize that or be disrespectful to that when I speak...write...but it seems that the fact that I even have feelings at all (post EA) is blasphemous. This is the part I "don't get".

FM,

The fact that you posted the quote above is proof in and of itself just how much you don't "get it." You seem to be under the impression that forgiveness and still hurting over the injuries that were inflicted upon us are mutually exclusive. You see, I'm working on forgiveness because deep down I believe my DW made a horrible mistake. The flip side of that is I will NEVER EVER be OK with what she choose to do to our M and my heart still aches over the pain it caused and the things I lost. That's just the nature of the beast. You think you know what it is like to be on the betrayed side of the fence, but you really have no idea. You can't fathom the pain a BS goes through. Let me put it to you this way. If I had the choice of going through this mess again or say......jumping into a wood chipper feet first. I'd jump.

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Originally Posted by fullmoon16
I do "get it"

No, FM, you don't yet get it. It's almost humorous how you keep telling everyone you do, while the rest of your post demonstrates that you don't.

Except it's not...humorous.

It's sad.



Quote
why the BS and others on this board completely disregard the feelings of the WS,


We don't "disregard" their feelings. But a wayward's feelings will lead them to destruction...and they will take many others with them.

And eventually, their feelings will change.

Because that's what feelings do.

Change.

Just like your feelings toward your husband have changed...and can change again.

And MB can teach you how to create and sustain romantic love for your husband. It will help you see why your feelings changed and how to prevent that from happening again once you have rebuilt your love for each other.





Quote
why there is no room for compassion/relating/empathy...because they are still hurting and effected by it every sinlge day.

This is a common approach that waywards, especially wayward wives, often take here.

But it is incorrect.

Oh, yes, many here are hurting. But they wouldn't be here if they wanted WS's to pay. You see, this site is all about not making anyone pay. It is about rebuilding what was meant to last forever...a marriage.

But we don't misplace our compassion.

You see, one day, if you do come out of the fog, you will hurt like you cannot imagine hurting. Many say it's even worse than a BS's pain.

One day, if your mind clears, you will stare the destruction of adultery in the face...and know that it was at your hands.

When all your defensiveness, justifications, and rationalizations are stripped away, your soul will ache for what you have done.

And you will find compassion here.

Because that is the appropriate time for it.

You see we know what you can become. A person of integrity. A person worthy of trust. A woman who loves her husband and protects her marriage.

We WANT that for you, and SW, and RM, and every other wayward who shows up here. We don't want to leave you in the muck you are sitting in. It's so deep it's past your eyeballs. All you see is muck.

We see what you can become...and we are hopeful for you.




Quote
Years later. I, also, believe that they have our best interests at heart in "de-fogging" waywards...but they speak from pain.


We speak from experience.



Quote
I am not trying to minimize that or be disrespectful to that when I speak...write...but it seems that the fact that I even have feelings at all (post EA) is blasphemous. This is the part I "don't get".


It's not blasphemous.

It's typical....just like your affair. Not unique.

It is to be expected.

But if my child came to me sulking because he cannot drink lighter fluid, I would not commisserate with her. I would not say, "Oh you poor dear. I see how badly you feel and I understand how much you are sacrificing by not partaking in that sweet drink. Tell me more about your feelings about that lighter fluid. Do you think it would taste delicious? Did it taste delicious last time you had a sip and I took you to the ER? Tell me more about the flavor you remember?"


Uhm,NO! I would tell my child, "Lighter fluid is toxic...poison...and it will destroy you! You must stop thinking about it and dwelling on your memories of it! I love you too much to let you continue these dangerous thoughts. Let's focus on quenching your thirst with an appropriate drink."




Quote
In that case, there is no one here who has yet recovered.

You'd be spending your time and mental energy more effectively if you would stop trying to justify why you shouldn't listen to the wisdom here.

Many, many couples on this board are recovered. My marriage is fully recovered. Yes, fully. I have not spoken to you or any other wayward wife from a place of anger or pain. I speak to you from a place of hope.

Because I KNOW what lies ahead for all of you who choose to put your eyes and minds back where they belong...on your spouse.

It's something beautiful.



Quote
...if they have to live looking over their shoulders (at their wayward) waiting for the other shoe to drop?


I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My FWH has created solid EPs to protect our marriage. He chose to become trustworthy, so it is very easy to trust him today. There is no "other shoe".


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How can you truly forgive if you expect someone now to "bow down before you" for their mistake/poor behavior (A)?

No one expects a WS to "bow down before" anyone. We do expect them to pick up the pieces of the lives they destroyed and do their best to rebuild them.

Do you really think it's too much to ask someone to do their best to rebuild their lives?


Quote
WWJD?


Well, now, there's a good question, FM. What WOULD Jesus do? Would he leave the victims lying in ashes, or would He pick them up and carry them to safety? Would he tend to their wounds and nurture and serve them?


Quote
I am saying none of this to be flippant, rude...these are all legitimate questions. I truly want to understand.

Fullmoon


That's hard to believe, but I'm going to take you on your word.

I will tell you that not a single BS here wants a WS to get what they deserve. BS's come here because they love the person they married and they are willing to do some incredibly painful things to help rebuild love in their marriage.


Happily married to HerPapaBear



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Originally Posted by fullmoon16
Saddest,

I was in the store yesterday directly after a workout...my first in several months. (Off topic: working out was the best time of my day. It certainly relieves both the mind and body of stress...such as this...)

So, I was looking rather unkept (I thought)...interestingly enough, random people were talking to me. One lady talked to me for 15 or 20 minutes and didn't know me from Tom, [censored], or Harry. She went into all different topics: she mentioned her ex-husband who cheated on her. My ears perked up and I encouraged her to talk. She had been married to him for 26 years and he cheated, moved in with OW. I asked if she forgave him. She did forgive him...once. But eventually she divorced him. This all happened years ago. Yet it is so fresh that she is telling a complete stranger in the store about it...about their son choosing him and moving in with them, the OW kicking the son out when he was of age, how she took him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement, how cheating is just "nasty", how it is just "not there" (not "in her") to date again.

I do "get it" why the BS and others on this board completely disregard the feelings of the WS, why there is no room for compassion/relating/empathy...because they are still hurting and effected by it every sinlge day. Years later. I, also, believe that they have our best interests at heart in "de-fogging" waywards...but they speak from pain. I am not trying to minimize that or be disrespectful to that when I speak...write...but it seems that the fact that I even have feelings at all (post EA) is blasphemous. This is the part I "don't get".

In that case, there is no one here who has yet recovered. When does "recovery" end if they don't release the pain? ...if they don't "let go"? ...if they have to live looking over their shoulders (at their wayward) waiting for the other shoe to drop? How can you truly forgive if you expect someone now to "bow down before you" for their mistake/poor behavior (A)? WWJD? I am saying none of this to be flippant, rude...these are all legitimate questions. I truly want to understand.

Fullmoon




Just quoting


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clap clap

You said it SMB!


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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Originally Posted by fullmoon16
I do "get it" why the BS and others on this board completely disregard the feelings of the WS, why there is no room for compassion/relating/empathy...because they are still hurting and effected by it every sinlge day.

Misplaced compassion gives power to evil.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by sexymamabear
Originally Posted by fullmoon16
I do "get it"

No, FM, you don't yet get it. It's almost humorous how you keep telling everyone you do, while the rest of your post demonstrates that you don't.

Except it's not...humorous.

It's sad.



Quote
why the BS and others on this board completely disregard the feelings of the WS,


We don't "disregard" their feelings. But a wayward's feelings will lead them to destruction...and they will take many others with them.

And eventually, their feelings will change.

Because that's what feelings do.

Change.

Just like your feelings toward your husband have changed...and can change again.

And MB can teach you how to create and sustain romantic love for your husband. It will help you see why your feelings changed and how to prevent that from happening again once you have rebuilt your love for each other.





Quote
why there is no room for compassion/relating/empathy...because they are still hurting and effected by it every sinlge day.

This is a common approach that waywards, especially wayward wives, often take here.

But it is incorrect.

Oh, yes, many here are hurting. But they wouldn't be here if they wanted WS's to pay. You see, this site is all about not making anyone pay. It is about rebuilding what was meant to last forever...a marriage.

But we don't misplace our compassion.

You see, one day, if you do come out of the fog, you will hurt like you cannot imagine hurting. Many say it's even worse than a BS's pain.

One day, if your mind clears, you will stare the destruction of adultery in the face...and know that it was at your hands.

When all your defensiveness, justifications, and rationalizations are stripped away, your soul will ache for what you have done.

And you will find compassion here.

Because that is the appropriate time for it.

You see we know what you can become. A person of integrity. A person worthy of trust. A woman who loves her husband and protects her marriage.

We WANT that for you, and SW, and RM, and every other wayward who shows up here. We don't want to leave you in the muck you are sitting in. It's so deep it's past your eyeballs. All you see is muck.

We see what you can become...and we are hopeful for you.




Quote
Years later. I, also, believe that they have our best interests at heart in "de-fogging" waywards...but they speak from pain.


We speak from experience.



Quote
I am not trying to minimize that or be disrespectful to that when I speak...write...but it seems that the fact that I even have feelings at all (post EA) is blasphemous. This is the part I "don't get".


It's not blasphemous.

It's typical....just like your affair. Not unique.

It is to be expected.

But if my child came to me sulking because he cannot drink lighter fluid, I would not commisserate with her. I would not say, "Oh you poor dear. I see how badly you feel and I understand how much you are sacrificing by not partaking in that sweet drink. Tell me more about your feelings about that lighter fluid. Do you think it would taste delicious? Did it taste delicious last time you had a sip and I took you to the ER? Tell me more about the flavor you remember?"


Uhm,NO! I would tell my child, "Lighter fluid is toxic...poison...and it will destroy you! You must stop thinking about it and dwelling on your memories of it! I love you too much to let you continue these dangerous thoughts. Let's focus on quenching your thirst with an appropriate drink."




Quote
In that case, there is no one here who has yet recovered.

You'd be spending your time and mental energy more effectively if you would stop trying to justify why you shouldn't listen to the wisdom here.

Many, many couples on this board are recovered. My marriage is fully recovered. Yes, fully. I have not spoken to you or any other wayward wife from a place of anger or pain. I speak to you from a place of hope.

Because I KNOW what lies ahead for all of you who choose to put your eyes and minds back where they belong...on your spouse.

It's something beautiful.



Quote
...if they have to live looking over their shoulders (at their wayward) waiting for the other shoe to drop?


I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My FWH has created solid EPs to protect our marriage. He chose to become trustworthy, so it is very easy to trust him today. There is no "other shoe".


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How can you truly forgive if you expect someone now to "bow down before you" for their mistake/poor behavior (A)?

No one expects a WS to "bow down before" anyone. We do expect them to pick up the pieces of the lives they destroyed and do their best to rebuild them.

Do you really think it's too much to ask someone to do their best to rebuild their lives?


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WWJD?


Well, now, there's a good question, FM. What WOULD Jesus do? Would he leave the victims lying in ashes, or would He pick them up and carry them to safety? Would he tend to their wounds and nurture and serve them?


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I am saying none of this to be flippant, rude...these are all legitimate questions. I truly want to understand.

Fullmoon


That's hard to believe, but I'm going to take you on your word.

I will tell you that not a single BS here wants a WS to get what they deserve. BS's come here because they love the person they married and they are willing to do some incredibly painful things to help rebuild love in their marriage.

Excellent post, smb! hurray


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Great post, SMB! The reason she is so fogged out is because she has not ended CONTACT WITH HER OM and plans on seeing him again. She is not in the least serious about recovery.

Originally Posted by fullmoon
The reality is, I have had NC with OM. There is an event coming up that we all must be at together next month. I am hoping that I just keep my mouth shut and not say anything to him except "hi". I'm hoping that my feelings are well under control by that point. But I am not 100% certain of that. Just stating that to you (BS) would be deemed as drooling, right? Where do I express that sort of feeling? [Scotland is right, maybe I should move this to my thread...]
\


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I have to tell you about our date last night. And remember I don't have a romantic bone in my body.

We were having dinner sitting outside next to this fence that is constructed such that flower pots can be set in the top -- stunning. I suggested we build something similar for our yard. My H is a train wreck, too much time to think and not enough to do and he likes building stuff as do I (a woman with a stud finder and a power drill really doesn't need a man). So I suggested we build one this weekend and I'll do the pots -- I love to plant flowers.

And then it hit me -- my M is something we build together into which I place all that is beautiful about me and then we tend it and it grows. And something in me broke -- not in a bad way, and a felt some of my resistance and defensiveness seep out.

I read in some AA thing -- like most, I have had alcoholics in my life -- that part of the challenge of an alcoholic is to endure the white hot flames of love. That stuck with me.

So we are building it this weekend and it is going to be my commitment fence. We are coming back in September for our anniversary and I am going to put a plaque on it to that effect and that will be my gift to him.

I may not be romantic -- but I do like my metaphors.

full_moon, I'm not posting on other threads, but am going to offer this for what it may be worth if you see it.

It has recently dawned on me that OM is a homewrecking SOB who ignored my wedding ring and my resistance and relentlessly pursued something he wanted (me). He didn't care one whit what impact his pursuit had on me, and I'm sure that he never considered the impact on my HUSBAND and my CHILDREN. He's a s***head.

I am not suggesting that all OM are like him because I don't know. But if all WS have things in common, and all BS's have things in common, possibly all AP's have things in common. You might try looking for similar traits in your OM. It seems to me that anyone who has an A with a married person is by definition greedy and selfish -- taking something that belongs to someone else without regard for the pain it might cause.

Just a thought.


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M: 25 years
D21, S19, S15

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Me and Sapph love home projects. Buying stuff, putting it together....together. Its one of our recreational needs. We often spend time in Home Depot on our dates making plans and budgeting....lol.

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