Lost, thank you so much for the input, i re-read yours and Hold Hands suggestions, am going to do my very best to apply both. Thanks for the input.

Cherish Her

Date Night Recapy *** Help Please ***

Had date night, dinner at her favorite restaurant was great, and we talked about her. I was able to show some physical affection without her pulling away. No Kissing or hand holding, but rubbed her legs all through dinner, and while driving.

Got roped into Relationship talk 2 hrs into our date, and ended up going back and forth.

She says and i Quote " There are days your all i think about and I Miss you terribly. I dont want to do counseling because i would give it 1000% and in 3 Months when we are back together, its going to fall right back into that trap, and 6 months or a year later, I am going to hate myself."
She Says, " You are giving me everything on a Silver Platter just like i have always wanted it. It's only because your focused on our Marriage, and when you Hyper Focus you do good. If we were together, you would stop as soon as we move back together"

I did take her out to go Underwear and Bra shopping as she has needed some for awhile. You told me i Feel Guilty letting you do this.

Kissed her a couple of times when she left, first 2 ok, she pulled away on the 3rd and i stopped. We had to make a deal no Relationship talk when she comes around.

I just schedule an Appt with DR. Harley for her Next Tuesday, and she is doing it only to Help me, and to Get some inforation for herself. She would only Committ to the First APPOINTMENT.

Not sure where i am at, I feel like she is on Fence and have my fingers crossed about Dr. Harley appointment. At this stage, i know she is talking to 2 men once or twice a week, that she said Make Her Feel Good.Thanks...Ideas or Thoughts Anyone?

Cherish Her

This is a great start, Cherish. Just get her in the door. Let the Harleys take it from there.

Cherish,
You did great.



Ugh - this is not good - she is vulnerable - of course other men are going to make her feel good. I hope she's honest with Harley and tells him she's talking to other men. At least she was honest and told you - this is good.

Your taking baby steps and getting results. I think speaking to Harley will be very good for your W.

Good going Cheris!

Gg

Random thought; did you thank her for her honesty on this? You want to encourage her openness with you so that it will keep flowing.

On a side note, She flat refuses to give me the password to the Phone Account, She claims her phone and bank acct are the only accounts left in good standing, and its important to her to keep them that way. I tried, but had to go ahead and pay the Cell Bill Today and it was really tough to do so. Espcially since i feel like i am financing her Joyful conversations with other men 4 times a week to meet her emotional needs. She did comment about me rubbing her leg while driving and at dinner, and said, thats all i ever wanted and now your doing it... URRGGGGGGGGG...Frustrating... and Emotional Roller Coaster DAY


Thanks, I have my fingers crossed, it was a weird night all the way around. I know she would love to come home, because of the Hell she is living in now..Camper, Mama's, No income... But she is Adamant nothing will change long term. But did say, i was serving up everything she wanted on a silver platter. Hoping Dr. Steve Harley can do something. She did say, she didnt want to do counseling for fear it would work and things would be the same... Another Day of Emotional Roller Coaster...


GG, i know this is not good, at least they are Very Long Distance via the phone, She is a Fly FIshing Junkie, and her Outdoor website is blowing up huge, she just got a call this morning from Outdoor Channel. I know these men are telling her exactly what she wants to hear, i Hope Dr. Harley Brings this Up. Any more thoughts? It feels like a call with Dr. Harley is my Last Shot....

Thanks, Yes, i did thank her, and sent a thank you text again this morning...Like i stated above, the door is there, but she is on the fence, and could fall off either way...I hope Dr. Harley is the Magic Pill for lack of a better word to at least get her looking in the right direction... She said, i would give a 1000% on this, but i think nothing will change, and i will be in the same boat a year from now.
*SIGH* i am Having a Very Tough Day Emotionally...

Let me get this right. Her cell phone bill is in HER name and YOU'RE paying the bill to keep HER in good standing??? What am I missing, here?

Marital,
I'm in agreement he should not be paying her bill since she is using it to carry conversations with other men.

Cherish,
You can respectfully tell her you are not going to support her having emotional affairs with other men on the phone. This is very disrespectful to you. She will have to find other means to pay her own phone bill. Do not agree to anything that support her choice to have emotional affairs.

Gg

Trickle-truth alert; who says these phone conversations with other men have began just since she left?



You now have an idea of what you have actually been up against, and the real question is for how long?

Continue Plan A - and GATHER EVIDENCE. Denying what a threat this is to your marriage DOES YOU NO SERVICE, NOR HER, NOR YOUR MARRIAGE.

@marital - My phone is also on that PHone Acct, and our 18 Year old daughters, which is her girl from First Marriage.



I could not agree more, but it was due today, and i already had paid it. I really felt like if i didnt pay it, She would avoid the Call with Dr. Harley on Tuesday. After that call with him, i should have a better understanding what i am up against. I am definately not paying it next month if nothing has changed.

My phone is on that Cell Bill, and i would have to dump that phone on her with 8 months left on contract get a new # and such. So i probably made a bad choice.

I quit giving her any money, and i know shes broke....

How do i continue Plan A under these circumstances.. I have no way to SNOOP, cell phone, email, or computer...??? Any ideas?

Do i confront her more about this Emotional Stuff with 2 other Men, her only comment was they make me feel good. Or do i let it go til after Dr. Harleys Appointment...and what do i do between now and then? Continue on PLAN A?

Thanks
CHERISH

Who is your carrier?

I know with AT&T I simply go into my account management online, and I can review all calls/texts for the month.

AT&T also has a "phonebook" feature, so that you can save names to the numbers.

You could simply set your phone to "private" and start calling unfamiliar numbers. Ask "I'm sorry, who's speaking?" "This is Frank." "Frank who?" "Frank Darabont." "I love your work on television, Mr. Darabont, but I have the wrong number."

Then you have a name to put to numbers.

You could also request a few months of records by calling the company directly.

Are you the actual account holder, or is she? Have either one of you used the online account management features? If not, then you, holding the necessary info, can set it up and start gathering!

If you've been paying the account have the name switched to you and have your wife get her own phone to pay.

As long as your W is getting her needs met by other men you have no chance. Tell her she is vulnerable and the time now to get involved with another man reduces any chance of her having a successful relationship and isn't that her goal - not to repeat (her perception) of mistakes of past. You have to start a serious Plan A. Let her talk to Harley first but go full swing afterwards.

Gg

Click on Nofity moderator and have them move your thread to "Surviving Affair" forum.

Gg

[/quote]

Who is your carrier?

I know with AT&T I simply go into my account management online, and I can review all calls/texts for the month.

SPRINT is the Carrier
AT&T also has a "phonebook" feature, so that you can save names to the numbers.

You could simply set your phone to "private" and start calling unfamiliar numbers. Ask "I'm sorry, who's speaking?" "This is Frank." "Frank who?" "Frank Darabont." "I love your work on television, Mr. Darabont, but I have the wrong number."

Then you have a name to put to numbers.

You could also request a few months of records by calling the company directly.

Are you the actual account holder, or is she? Have either one of you used the online account management features? If not, then you, holding the necessary info, can set it up and start gathering!

She is the Account holder, i tried everything i could to get the password from her, even as Hey I need to pay the Bill online, and she has her new adress on there...So now what..?
[/quote]




GG,
so your saying do nothing til After DR. Harley, It will be a stretch to do another call with him the following week. Then i am in the Dark to what happend on the Private Call between them til i schedule another call. IDEAS?

Let your W talk to Harley - in the mean time find out what you can do with phone.

please read this article - the example used in Harley's response is similar to what's happening with your wife.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html

I know this is difficult for you to face. Do you understand now why it was so easy for her to tell you she was okay with you meeting OW? She wanted permission to pursue her emotional affairs with other men.

There's hope for your M - her talking to Harley is great start.

Gg

Plan A Carrot & Stick

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2458276&page=1

@CherishHer -

Don't Panic!

For a BH you are way ahead of most BS.

You are in Plan A. To be most effective WS should be in home. This should be your priority.

Concerning Affair:

"I do not care for you, a married women, letting other men meet your emotional needs. This is what is called an emotional affair."

"I feel that you are using the phone to carry on your Affair, I will not be part of it. I'm trying to save our marriage. So I am going to get my own phone and the responsibility for paying for your affair phone is yours."

STICKS

Be Open and Honest about your feelings concerning her A. Do it without LB.

Do not let your W know how concerned you are with OM or else seh will take this further underground. PLEASE don't try to get her to reveal who OM is.

Listen to the others about the phone records. It is vital you get OMs name now.