We live together and are practically a married couple
What is practically a married couple?

makes a good 6 figure salary,

Onefineday,

I have been ill and on hiatus. I'm posting only because I've been online for a bit.

You ask, "Should I expose?". Then, you go on to describe your life with a man who supposedly treats you well. You talk of the money he makes - six figures. Wonderful. Big deal, because that money cannot buy much when you sit alone and he is out with one of his HUNDREDS OF OTHER WOMEN.

Knowing that he threatens suicide in order to control your behavior? Nope. He does that to control YOU - and you cave because......he offers the money to keep you there as cover for his deeds.

You enable him.


Now you know that. Each and every day, when you wake up, and he goes online to find his girls, you have to know that your silence enables his predatory behavior.

Your answer is before you.


The question you then pose is, "If I expose him, he might commit suicide, and then I will be responsible, right?"

Let's say his threats are serious, as all threats should be taken seriously in this arena.

Instead of the usual manner of exposure, you have some preparation to do.

1. Seek professional guidance. Go today to a professional psyciatrist or psychologist and explain your situation. That person will know how to handle this. We people - out here in the Internet world - are not pros. We are regular people like you. Not pros. Go get someone to help you.

2. Do not attempt to confront him yourself without some professional guidance, if you believe he is suicidal.

3. You absolutely must involve his family, whether he likes them or not, and whether you like them or not. Why? Because unfortunately YOU ARE NOT HIS WIFE, AND YOU HAVE NO LEGAL STANDING IN HIS LIFE. His family does. They have to do something.

4. After you have involved the professionals - do what they say. Don't sit around and let him continue his behavior. I say this because your current belief is that he travels to Thailand to see "women". Someone correctly pointed out that many pedophiles go there to see girls. There is a distinct possibility that your boyfriend has issues in your own country, and he has not revealed this truth to you. You must understand that he sees this as his "way of life". You are someone who is in his way - and nothing more. You two don't have sex because


you
are
not
his
type.


You are already too old.



Think about this. Get professional help. And we are not it.


SB

I wouldn�t call two people who have been together for 15 years and haven�t had sex in the last three years practically married.


Well, that just makes everything ok, right?

Don�t understand some things in your posts. You say you just recently discovered this stuff, but you had threatened to expose him in the past. You only have emails for proof, but you now of several relationships of 6 months or more, this while living with this guy. He takes trips overseas, but you never went and never asked why?

Why are you here? This is a site for building marriages, not for saving roommates from themselves. If you want to help this guy, get him a good psychiatrist. I wouldn't get married, not many men will sit still for a celibate marriage.

OFD,

Not a gung-ho christian...but anyway..

The reason I said what I said is because I have seen so many guys who fit the profile you created with your words. And yes your words are not a 3D model of the man.

One of the other issues I see here is that guys like this will often try to re-enter your life if you manage to break free from him and establish anther relationship, so you cannot be there for him if you ever want a husband or children.

Their catch and release cycle can go on for years, one guy I know has done this with an accomplished and beautiful girl for 15 years. At this point she is getting to the age where having children is risky.

God Bless
Gamma

I am not married, but I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 15 years now. We live together and are practically a married couple, he has expressed wanting to marry me as soon as he has completed his PhD studies.

However, I have discovered many things over the past couple months. For instance, he often travels overseas. He tells me that he is visiting his friends in one country, but I looked at his passport and he was actually going to other countries, such as Thailand.. probably to meet women. From there I became suspicious and decided to spy on his computer activity. Sure enough, in his email I found that he had been going to this country and that and messing around. I saw all his emails from all of the women he was with as well. In addition, he had been meeting many women online. His secret email account probably had over 1000 messages in it to at least a hundred different women. He is also currently involved in a semi-serious relationship with another married woman.

When I confronted him about this, he said he was very sorry I had to find out about this. Although it doesn't excuse his behavior, he came from a household where his father would do similar (i.e. have many affairs). He said he did love me but that he had some obvious problems. He said that to him, sex was not part of the equation for love. Sex is purely for pleasure. He does treat me very well, and does everything for me. Besides this sex thing (although of course this is a major thing), he is the sweetest guy you could imagine and he is always there for me no matter what. I tried to convince him to seek counseling but he said that it is something that he has already done in the past. He started crying and saying that he was so messed up and his problems basically precludes himself from having any forms of meaningful relationships because who would want someone like him? He said that he has always been this way even before we met. I suspect that he has sex addiction. We both took a sex addict test, and I scored a 4, which is within normal range. He scored a 15/20 which was in the sex addict range. As I mentioned, he goes online alot, but whenver he looks for people online, he will post in the looking for relationship section of craigslist or some other site, and say that he's 20 even though he's over 30, so that he can attract younger girls (believe me he can easily pass for a college student due to his young and good looks).

He is very secretive about his problems to everyone, and I think I am the first person who has learned the truth about him. I thought about exposing him, but I don't really know if it will do any good (and to whom should I expose: his family, friends, work??). I had threatened to expose him n the past, at least to his family (and this is before I came across this site), and he was very very angry. In fact he went into a bit of a frenzy and destroyed a wall (he has never laid a finger on me before though). He told me that if I did that I would ruin his life. He even threatened suicide. He said either he would commit suicide or he would just leave his town or family and never come back. If he did either of those things, I don't think it would help me very much.. I don't think he would go through with a suicide, but honestly I don't know that 100 percent.. he often times says extreme things and I won't believe him but he goes through with it anyway just to prove his point.

I know he is a big mess but I don't want to walk away. I love him very much and I know he loves me back as well (like I said before, all his other actions show that he loves me other than his sex addiction problems). Also, other than his problems, he is a fairly responsible adult. He helps out around the house, makes a good 6 figure salary, is very hard working, etc. Also I have been with him for 15 years, and I know that if he doesn't have me, then he doesn't have anyone else. He constantly tells me that I'm the only good thing in his life and that if he didn't have me he might as well not live. He does not really have many good friendships and although his family loves him, he does not feel a part of his family.