she says "I don't like him and I don't want him to see this girl."

The children are working out stuff for themselves. It is so tough to deal with.
I usually say to my kids "I understand. I love you. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I am here for you. You can count on me."

Ok Mehr.

Time to get the lawyer to WORK for you (and do WHAT YOU SAY) rather than the other way around. I would call my attny in the am and say the following:

1)I cannot feed my kids as we have no money
2)I NEED AN EMERGENCY HEARING asap b/c we aren't being given money from my cheating husband who is spending it on the ow while we starve.
3)he got A HUGE CHECK because he wrecked his car and is trying to use ALL THAT MONEY to buy a brand new car he can't afford to impress his mistress rather than giving me half since I can't eat.
4)Since he is emotionally disturbing the children, I am asking you to NOW SET UP AN EMERGENCY HEARING FOR ME and I WANT SOLE CUSTODY OF THE KIDS.
5)WH barely sees the kids anymore, muchless provides for us at all.
6)I may not be worth much now, but I am a human, and as my attorney, I employ YOU.

Next call the local wic agency and find out about the SNAP food program for those who are in dire need. Right now you qualify.

You see, once I remember eating only spaghetti because I had to give my son and pets the food with meat back when I was so broke b/c my xwh did the same thing. Claimed he couldn't pay cs or anything and I had just started all over again in a far away state with no family. Few friends. I was financially ruined by the man, but went to court and fought and fought and then got some justice.

It took a few years to get the final justice though.

Right now girl, you're fighting a full fledged alien. Imho, any man who wouldn't feed his own kids before the belly of a tramp is no man at all. A pathetic creature.

it's time to stand tough Mehr. You do WHATEVER you can for your children. You stand up to the evil and go plan B on him and also secure full custody. This guy doesn't want kids around his fantasy affair.

My xwh did the same thing. On weeks when his wistress wife didnt' have visitation with her child from a prior relationship (she was never married, and her xboyfriend had PRIMARY custody of their son..what kind of mom has that? A SLEAZY one who was shacking up with a married man, that's who!), they would go out and pretend they were dating. Freaky scary.

My xwh crapped away over 120k before we could get him into court, rest he hid with inlaws and more he hid overseas. All we could trace was approx 120k. It was disgraceful.

Quit w/the emotions Mehr. Right now you have kids who are devastated, and a cupboard which might be bare. YOU have to take some action right now to do what is right for those kids! You call your parents, your inlaws, anybody who can help and tell them "My husband is having an affair, spending $ left and right on the other woman and leaving us to starve with no money and FOUR children."

You call the attorney first in the morning! Next, the local wix office and get some food assistance or call a local church. Quit worrying about what the wayward is or is not doing.

If you take care of business, I sure DO know what your wayward WILL BE DOING SOON if he doesn't keep up his responsibilities. He will BE DOING TIME. Have your attny ask him how he feels about the color orange. Is it his color?

Time to be tough. Right now is not about marriage building. Or affair stopping. It is about RAISING CHILDREN AND BEING A RESPONSIBLE PARENT. And that also means going to court to support them and to secure their not so distant futures by having them reside WITH YOU ALONE due to the extreme emotional abuse handed down by their uncaring and unproviding father who has ABANDONED the family.

Here's your grounds in case you forgot and the basis for you getting an emergency hearing for the establishment of support and custody:
1)abandonment: he left the home and marriage and children to go and live with another woman, a married one (isn't she?)
You don't even KNOW where he lives anymore.
2)adultery: he is living with his affair partner in plain sight
3)emotional abuse: You are traumatized by this event, by the sheer abandonment and the kids are devastated, crying, sobbing, and worried about what will happen to them and why their daddy DOESN'T SEE THEM anymore.
4)financially impoverished: He refuses to pay any amount of money or a fair amount towards child support (WHICH SHOULD BE SUBSTANTIAL IF FOUR KIDS..HE WILL BE LIVIN MEAGER NOT YOU MEHR!)He has provided NO financial help and only pays for dates with his mistress, and is trying to buy a BRAND NEW CAR after wrecking his present car, and steal JOINT FAMILY MONIES in order to do so.
5)You're starving! You all need THE BEST SETTLEMENT you can get. The upper upper limit of the range of child support AND you also get SPOUSAL support, since you're mom to all four kids.
6)Because of the emotional abuse of the kids and their being completely distraught and his absence and abandonment of the kids, YOU SEEK FULL CUSTODY of the kids.

This is what you ask for and what YOU TELL THAT D@MN ATTORNEY TO DO FOR YOU TOMORROW MORNING AS SOON AS THEIR SHOES WALK IN THEIR LEGAL OFFICE.

Trust me, there's nothing more a family judge hates to see than a man run off and squander family assets, spending like he's Trump, while he abandons his wife and kids leaving them to hang in the breeze, suffering. NO judge allows that to happen. And if your wh doesn't comply when you get your emergency decree, he will go to jail.

Stick to plan B too. Let wh hear from the IM AND YOUR LAWYER AND THE JUDGE NOW.

Look Mehr. With a little security and peace of mind and money in the bank and food on the table, life will not be as bad. Trust me, I've been here before. Once you can breathe a little, you begin the moving forward business, which is good .

maybe the wayward will wake up. Maybe not. But YOU will recover from this and move forward!

Albizia I hope you read this because this was directed soemwhat towards you too!!!

WH responded through the intermediary reminding me about the money I moved within a few days of D-day to my parent's account. I moved it because 1/2 of it is going to our property tax which should be coming in the mail this month, we have to pay for the whole year. The other 1/2 is going for the lawyer and that is cutting it close. That's why I haven't been touching that money, its not just "free money up for grabs"

Anyway he said "you moved that money, and I need this money for a car, that is not asking too much"

Really? He is leaving us in poverty and he deserves a car?

Plan FU.... began. I AM ANGRY.

I left a message for the lawyer to call me back on my rights with this check. I want half of it. He can get a car payment after the legal separation goes through.

You have got to get your lawyer involved. I went on the believing my wayward and by the Grace of God was only saved by the military. My POSWH actually cut us off financially months ago thinking as a deployed soldier he could get away with it. The saddest part is I had to fight him tooth and nail with JAG. He was not going to pay.

Do not contact him, do not contact him. Everything goes through your lawyer. You better print out what Pep said and take it there in the morning. Add a Morals Clause to visitation also. You are now a German Shepherd and you will take downt he criminal.

You cannot think of your WH at the moment. He will screw you over until tomorrow. Maybe soon he will wake up and smell the roses, but as long as he is fogged out you have to treat him like a very high crack addict. What would you do if crack was his addiction? You certainly would protect your children and finances before you did anything else in your life!!!!

If you are a Christian woman you may want this prayer and say it daily: Acts 26:18 (fill in your WH name).

God Bless

Sorry, he can get a VAN payment. Because I am not going to be dropping the kids off after the legal sep goes through. He better really figure that one out... he completely ignored that.

No plan FU. Put the anger in a box.

Steely resolve. Firm boundaries. Protection of your children and getting a hold of protecting the finances as best as a lawyer can.

Steely resolve. Your new mantra....at least for now.

I haven't let him know about any of my anger at all. I think he's baiting me, he WANTS me to get mad.... that's my suspicion. Again, I think he wants to see my as vindictive and cold. So.... like you said.... firm boundaries... continued Plan B....

I am seething tonight. Especially after looking at the bank account. He gets paid tomorrow and after paying off the credit line there is likely to be about 100 dollars for the whole week. Unbelievable.

Its been a rough day..... tomorrow I drop kids off for "visitation" and I don't want to. They come home so confused and unhappy. I wish he would just stay away if he is going to do this to them.

It is still so confusing to me how he can go from Plan A, where he really liked/loved/missed me to easily accepting and possibly even enjoying Plan B, where he seems cold and far off. I just don't get it. I know -- I am not supposed to think about it-- but how can I not?

I get to thinking maybe I am just wasting my time and money and I should have just gone for the divorce.

I made a list of things to ask the lawyer tomorrow.

Then don't do visitation tomorrow.

He's acting like a POS and the kids are getting screwed up.

Simple as that.

Oh, and ditto what peachy said. Lest my post get censored, I'll leave my thoughts at that and hope that tomorrow goes better for you.

You can not pay off the credit line and starve your children. That is going to be a formula for disaster.

Did you have the credit line canceled/revoked/lower limited? Do not kid yourself, Mehr, WH is about to (and probably has) taken out other lines of credit.

Document everything you spend, places you go. keep all reciepts. In the end, when he has racked up thousands in debt (and is trying to deliver you HALF of the "marriage debt") you will need some documentation to prove you did not agree to money borrowed/spent. Your attorney should have already sent a cease and desist credit/selling note.

I am sorry if this upsets you, or you think I am just fanning flames. I assure you I am not.

The best you can do right now is to do everything in your power to make sure your name/credit rating is not attatched to those new cards.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.
You alrealdy HAVE taken out the money for an atty.

Time to spend some.

{{mehr}}

Mehr, THERE IS NO LONGER ANY "WE" IN PLAN B. That's what I don't think has fully sunk in yet. You need to concerned with YOU and YOUR children.

This is NOT atypical of a wayward. You were worried that your WH was unlike others, can you see the similarities now? They are selfish TURDS. They care about NO ONE but themselves. They will let their children starve, and they don't give a darn about the person whom they are married to. That's how they can be so cruel. They only care about themselves.

Now, what you need to do is let your WH learn what real consequences are. Let him fall on his AZZ.

Find out what you can do about the cheque, legally. Don't make it wishy washy either. Ask your lawyer, "If I deposit this cheque into a joint account, pay off line of credit(if you haven't already)and then take out half, will WH be able to do anything about it?" If the answer is, "Yes, he can XX," weigh out the pros and cons and see if it worth the risk. I would say that it is.

Mehr, new motto for you, "There is no WE in Plan B." Rinse and repeat as necessary. You need to do things to protect yourself and your children. You have a wolf in the hen house. Protect yourself.

Oh my goodness.... for some reason his check is SMALLER than usual.... so if I pay it off, there's 70 dollars left.... UMMM.... time to call lawyer...

Both of the lawyers are in court all morning..... ugh I am stressed.

Seek out the Paralegal or tell them it is an emergency- children are starving help WH is taking all the money. Go there and demand you be seen you have an emergency.

Your lawyer's office will find someone to help you (at least they should be).

I called and paid off the credit line and they are going to have a paper for me to sign to cancel it, I'll drag all the kids in to do that.

There's 50 dollars left and I am going to go and take 25 of that. I do have some cash in the house I have been saving if I really need it, for food or something. Maybe we will qualify for food stamps soon.

I just think it needed to be paid off and closed.

Waiting to hear what I can do with this check though before I do anything.... I want half of it.... again, he will be able to afford a car/van payment since he will still have 50% of the income after the separation.

Yes, yes, yes you must push on the lawyer and relay how dire your financial sitch is. If they are a part of any size of firm, they have enough support staff that can get something going for you ASAP.

Take all the $50 because he'd sure do it to you.

Like someone else said, this was probably a one-trick pony here and you won't get this chance again. Next time, I'd bet his paycheck goes into a separate account that you have no access to.

As for the insurance check, just get your half of it now. It's your money, too, because you are married to him. Got that? Don't hesitate with this kind of thing, because he'll screw you over before you can blink.

I haven't finished reading yet but I sure hope you did not talk to him. You will have blown all of your hard work in PB if you did...will keep reading but DO NOT BREAK PLAN B.

If you did, your word now means nothing to him. You said "no contact" and then you contacted him. Do you see the discrepency here????