i agree!

That's what you really want here isn't hbd? For your H to stand up for your marriage and do the right thing. To make you feel safe without having to POJA it.

I feel like I am missing something here. What about EPs?

These kinds of cutesy statements do not help people deal with actual problems.

Perhaps it is my line of work, but I find some of the statements above to reflect a very narrow range of work experience. The fact is that many work events include socializing opportunities - e.g., a retreat to discuss strategic planning, held outside of the office that includes some of kind of recreation, or a one-day conference in the same city. Very tough for a spouse to attend unless in a related field (as an academic I sometimes attend conferences with my husband. These events do not uniformly "stink" nor do they provide a slippery slope to sexual harrassment, at least no more so than is routinely encountered in any work place where people have individual offices and a modicum of control over their schedule (ie., without a supervisor monitoring their every move).

I know, I know, this is a boat ride for the dreaded "team building" (which I, personally, loathe) but I couldn't let some of the over-generalizations in this thread pass.

Nothing "cutesy" about it, Kerala.

The EPs I gave H (posted earlier in this thread) are:

1. Protect me and my feelings above all else.
2. Absolutely no contact with your affair partner.
3. Make all phone, email, and texting information available to me.
4. No sharing personal information with females unless I am by your side.
5. No one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex.
6. No going out drinking with friends if females will be present.
7. No overnight stays away from me.
8. Use the policy of joint agreement (POJA) as a basis for all decisions.
9. Be open and honest with me at all times.
10. Commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention with me to meet each other�s emotional needs every week
11. Anytime you think, �I don�t want you to know about��.�, call me immediately and tell me.
12. Continually work on our relationship with discussions and relationship books.
13. Avoid porn and self stimulation

The EP that would apply to this boat trip is #6, but since he wouldn't be drinking it technically is ok with my EPs. So, we have to POJA it.

H decided to go and bring me along with him. The funny thing was when he told his co-worker (the guy taking RSVPs) he wanted to go and bring me along, the co-worker said it was just fine. In fact, another manager is bringing is wife. H said great, count us in! But, then the co-worker (guy taking RSVPs) came back to H and said now there isn't enough room on the boat for both of us. We waited too long to make the decision.

There's a difference between working with members of the opposite sex and having recreation with them, Kerala.

Remember this next time! Maybe you won't dread it the next time so much with this knowledge.

And, since you know that you can't go now anyway, even if you wanted to, start planning for that MIND-BLOWING DATE! Make it something that David will have NO regrets missing the boat ride for.

What I think H will do going forward for other events is talk some of his other co-workers into brinking their spouses along. That way I'll know ahead of time who will be there and I won't worry about being the only one.

Maybe #6 needs to be re-visited since it is causing so much upheaval in your life and is not serving its intended purpose.

Oh, yes. I have a very special treat planned for him.

Yes. I'm going to change it to no going out without me if females will be present.

Yep. This is common, and I think it is mis-guided. Any company that has to include a social activity in their 'strategic planning' activity is missing the boat (sorry, hbd, I just had to say that ) If the point is to strategically plan, the planning doesn't have to be lopped in with socializing on a boat trip, or a golf outing, etc. Socializing activities that are built into work activities still present opportunities that could place an employer in lawsuit jeopardy when spouses are specifically excluded.

That is wise. Good luck to you guys.

Our new EPs...I changed them to apply to both of us and tweaked a few too:

1. Protect our marriage and each other's feelings above all else.
2. Absolutely no contact with previous affair partners (including googling their name, looking them up on Facebook, etc).
3. Make all phone, email, internet history, and texting information available to each other.
4. No sharing personal information with the opposite sex unless we are together.
5. No going out separately if members of the opposite sex will be present.
7. No overnight stays away from each other.
8. Use the policy of joint agreement (POJA) as a basis for all decisions.
9. Be open and honest with each other at all times.
10. Anytime either of us thinks, �I don�t want you to know about��.�, call immediately and tell the other person.
11. Commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention to meet each other�s emotional needs every week.
12. Continually work on our relationship with discussions and relationship books.
13. Avoid porn and self stimulation unless doing it together.

Do you work outside the home, Prisca?

That has nothing to do with anything.

Just because something is commonly done does NOT make it the right thing to do. Nor does it mean that someone should shut up and tolerate something they do not like in THEIR MARRIAGE.

CWMI! I was just looking for my post from last year on your thread...immediately thought of you.