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[quote=maritalbliss] [quote]Side note: Any company that creates socializing opportunities that exclude spouses is setting themselves up on a slippery slope toward possible future sexual harrassment issues. These non-spouse get-togethers stink all the way around. i agree!
Me 44- yes ugggh WH 47 together 26 years M 19 serial cheater big time DD1 2.24.11 NC letter sent 3/7/11 NC letter to OW2 april final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18 working the plan
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Which is why I think we should just not go. I am leaving the final choice up to H, but I think he should make a stand and say, "If you are going to plan non-spouse events, I simply won't be there." That's what you really want here isn't hbd? For your H to stand up for your marriage and do the right thing. To make you feel safe without having to POJA it. I feel like I am missing something here. What about EPs?
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
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It is always okay for spouses to attend company functions. Even when the company says no. ![smile smile](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/smile.gif) Regardless of past infidelity or not. These kinds of cutesy statements do not help people deal with actual problems.
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Perhaps it is my line of work, but I find some of the statements above to reflect a very narrow range of work experience. The fact is that many work events include socializing opportunities - e.g., a retreat to discuss strategic planning, held outside of the office that includes some of kind of recreation, or a one-day conference in the same city. Very tough for a spouse to attend unless in a related field (as an academic I sometimes attend conferences with my husband. These events do not uniformly "stink" nor do they provide a slippery slope to sexual harrassment, at least no more so than is routinely encountered in any work place where people have individual offices and a modicum of control over their schedule (ie., without a supervisor monitoring their every move).
I know, I know, this is a boat ride for the dreaded "team building" (which I, personally, loathe) but I couldn't let some of the over-generalizations in this thread pass.
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It is always okay for spouses to attend company functions. Even when the company says no. ![smile smile](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/smile.gif) Regardless of past infidelity or not. These kinds of cutesy statements do not help people deal with actual problems. ![smile smile](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/smile.gif) Nothing "cutesy" about it, Kerala.
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Which is why I think we should just not go. I am leaving the final choice up to H, but I think he should make a stand and say, "If you are going to plan non-spouse events, I simply won't be there." That's what you really want here isn't hbd? For your H to stand up for your marriage and do the right thing. To make you feel safe without having to POJA it. I feel like I am missing something here. What about EPs? The EPs I gave H (posted earlier in this thread) are: 1. Protect me and my feelings above all else. 2. Absolutely no contact with your affair partner. 3. Make all phone, email, and texting information available to me. 4. No sharing personal information with females unless I am by your side. 5. No one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex. 6. No going out drinking with friends if females will be present. 7. No overnight stays away from me. 8. Use the policy of joint agreement (POJA) as a basis for all decisions. 9. Be open and honest with me at all times. 10. Commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention with me to meet each other�s emotional needs every week 11. Anytime you think, �I don�t want you to know about��.�, call me immediately and tell me. 12. Continually work on our relationship with discussions and relationship books. 13. Avoid porn and self stimulation The EP that would apply to this boat trip is #6, but since he wouldn't be drinking it technically is ok with my EPs. So, we have to POJA it. H decided to go and bring me along with him. The funny thing was when he told his co-worker (the guy taking RSVPs) he wanted to go and bring me along, the co-worker said it was just fine. In fact, another manager is bringing is wife. H said great, count us in! But, then the co-worker (guy taking RSVPs) came back to H and said now there isn't enough room on the boat for both of us. We waited too long to make the decision. ![faint faint](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/faint2.gif)
Last edited by hbd; 08/23/11 01:52 PM.
AKA: hurtagainbydavid, hurtingstill Me: BW/WW 36 Him: WH 37 (2time2timer) DD x 2: 8 and 5 H's 1st affair D-day: 10/2001 H's 2nd affair D-day: 1/16/11 My threesome w/H and OM: 7/21/11
Trying to fix the mess I helped make.
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There's a difference between working with members of the opposite sex and having recreation with them, Kerala.
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H decided to go and bring me along with him. The funny thing was when he told his co-worker (the guy taking RSVPs) he wanted to go and bring me along, the co-worker said it was just fine. In fact, another manager is bringing is wife. H said great, count us in! But, the co-worker (guy taking RSVPs) said now there isn't enough room on the boat for both of us. We waited too long to make the decision. Remember this next time! Maybe you won't dread it the next time so much with this knowledge.
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And, since you know that you can't go now anyway, even if you wanted to, start planning for that MIND-BLOWING DATE! ![laugh laugh](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/laugh.gif) Make it something that David will have NO regrets missing the boat ride for.
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H decided to go and bring me along with him. The funny thing was when he told his co-worker (the guy taking RSVPs) he wanted to go and bring me along, the co-worker said it was just fine. In fact, another manager is bringing is wife. H said great, count us in! But, the co-worker (guy taking RSVPs) said now there isn't enough room on the boat for both of us. We waited too long to make the decision. Remember this next time! Maybe you won't dread it the next time so much with this knowledge. What I think H will do going forward for other events is talk some of his other co-workers into brinking their spouses along. That way I'll know ahead of time who will be there and I won't worry about being the only one.
Last edited by hbd; 08/23/11 02:02 PM.
AKA: hurtagainbydavid, hurtingstill Me: BW/WW 36 Him: WH 37 (2time2timer) DD x 2: 8 and 5 H's 1st affair D-day: 10/2001 H's 2nd affair D-day: 1/16/11 My threesome w/H and OM: 7/21/11
Trying to fix the mess I helped make.
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The EPs I gave H (posted earlier in this thread) are:
1. Protect me and my feelings above all else. 2. Absolutely no contact with your affair partner. 3. Make all phone, email, and texting information available to me. 4. No sharing personal information with females unless I am by your side. 5. No one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex. 6. No going out drinking with friends if females will be present. 7. No overnight stays away from me. 8. Use the policy of joint agreement (POJA) as a basis for all decisions. 9. Be open and honest with me at all times. 10. Commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention with me to meet each other�s emotional needs every week 11. Anytime you think, �I don�t want you to know about��.�, call me immediately and tell me. 12. Continually work on our relationship with discussions and relationship books. 13. Avoid porn and self stimulation
The EP that would apply to this boat trip is #6, but since he wouldn't be drinking it technically is ok with my EPs. So, we have to POJA it. Maybe #6 needs to be re-visited since it is causing so much upheaval in your life and is not serving its intended purpose.
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
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And, since you know that you can't go now anyway, even if you wanted to, start planning for that MIND-BLOWING DATE! ![laugh laugh](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/laugh.gif) Make it something that David will have NO regrets missing the boat ride for. Oh, yes. I have a very special treat planned for him. ![flirt flirt](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/flirt.gif)
AKA: hurtagainbydavid, hurtingstill Me: BW/WW 36 Him: WH 37 (2time2timer) DD x 2: 8 and 5 H's 1st affair D-day: 10/2001 H's 2nd affair D-day: 1/16/11 My threesome w/H and OM: 7/21/11
Trying to fix the mess I helped make.
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The EPs I gave H (posted earlier in this thread) are:
1. Protect me and my feelings above all else. 2. Absolutely no contact with your affair partner. 3. Make all phone, email, and texting information available to me. 4. No sharing personal information with females unless I am by your side. 5. No one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex. 6. No going out drinking with friends if females will be present. 7. No overnight stays away from me. 8. Use the policy of joint agreement (POJA) as a basis for all decisions. 9. Be open and honest with me at all times. 10. Commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention with me to meet each other�s emotional needs every week 11. Anytime you think, �I don�t want you to know about��.�, call me immediately and tell me. 12. Continually work on our relationship with discussions and relationship books. 13. Avoid porn and self stimulation
The EP that would apply to this boat trip is #6, but since he wouldn't be drinking it technically is ok with my EPs. So, we have to POJA it. Maybe #6 needs to be re-visited since it is causing so much upheaval in your life and is not serving its intended purpose. Yes. I'm going to change it to no going out without me if females will be present.
AKA: hurtagainbydavid, hurtingstill Me: BW/WW 36 Him: WH 37 (2time2timer) DD x 2: 8 and 5 H's 1st affair D-day: 10/2001 H's 2nd affair D-day: 1/16/11 My threesome w/H and OM: 7/21/11
Trying to fix the mess I helped make.
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The fact is that many work events include socializing opportunities - e.g., a retreat to discuss strategic planning, held outside of the office that includes some of kind of recreation, or a one-day conference in the same city. Yep. This is common, and I think it is mis-guided. Any company that has to include a social activity in their 'strategic planning' activity is missing the boat (sorry, hbd, I just had to say that ![grin grin](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/grin.gif) ) If the point is to strategically plan, the planning doesn't have to be lopped in with socializing on a boat trip, or a golf outing, etc. Socializing activities that are built into work activities still present opportunities that could place an employer in lawsuit jeopardy when spouses are specifically excluded.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Yes. I'm going to change it to no going out without me if females will be present. That is wise. Good luck to you guys.
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
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Any company that has to include a social activity in their 'strategic planning' activity is missing the boat (sorry, hbd, I just had to say that ![grin grin](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/grin.gif) ) ![rotflmao rotflmao](/ubbt/images/graemlins/default/roflmao.gif)
AKA: hurtagainbydavid, hurtingstill Me: BW/WW 36 Him: WH 37 (2time2timer) DD x 2: 8 and 5 H's 1st affair D-day: 10/2001 H's 2nd affair D-day: 1/16/11 My threesome w/H and OM: 7/21/11
Trying to fix the mess I helped make.
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Our new EPs...I changed them to apply to both of us and tweaked a few too:
1. Protect our marriage and each other's feelings above all else. 2. Absolutely no contact with previous affair partners (including googling their name, looking them up on Facebook, etc). 3. Make all phone, email, internet history, and texting information available to each other. 4. No sharing personal information with the opposite sex unless we are together. 5. No going out separately if members of the opposite sex will be present. 7. No overnight stays away from each other. 8. Use the policy of joint agreement (POJA) as a basis for all decisions. 9. Be open and honest with each other at all times. 10. Anytime either of us thinks, �I don�t want you to know about��.�, call immediately and tell the other person. 11. Commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention to meet each other�s emotional needs every week. 12. Continually work on our relationship with discussions and relationship books. 13. Avoid porn and self stimulation unless doing it together.
AKA: hurtagainbydavid, hurtingstill Me: BW/WW 36 Him: WH 37 (2time2timer) DD x 2: 8 and 5 H's 1st affair D-day: 10/2001 H's 2nd affair D-day: 1/16/11 My threesome w/H and OM: 7/21/11
Trying to fix the mess I helped make.
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There's a difference between working with members of the opposite sex and having recreation with them, Kerala. Do you work outside the home, Prisca?
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There's a difference between working with members of the opposite sex and having recreation with them, Kerala. Do you work outside the home, Prisca? That has nothing to do with anything. Just because something is commonly done does NOT make it the right thing to do. Nor does it mean that someone should shut up and tolerate something they do not like in THEIR MARRIAGE.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. (Oscar Wilde)
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CWMI! I was just looking for my post from last year on your thread...immediately thought of you.
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