Cliffy:

He did tell me that he told her he loved her. Thought they had a "magical connection" because their sexual encounters were so "amazing." PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!

But when DDay arrived, and I said me or her, he chose me.

Withdrawal is difficult for some WS, and what I've read on the forum is that it can be more difficult for women.

Here's a quote from Dr. Harvey, and I would recommend finishing "surviving an Affair," and reacquainting yourself with this particular link: What do do with an unfaithful wife: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5033a_qa.html

[quote]
She is probably suffering depression over the relationship not working out. It's a common symptom of withdrawal. She will want to talk to someone about how badly she feels. Try to be the one she confides in, even if what she says is how much she misses this other man. DON'T JUDGE HER! If you do, she simply won't open up to you. If you can't handle it, she should talk to a friend or a counselor, but don't risk losing her by venting your anger or your judgment on her. [\quote]

It's your job to meet ALL of her most important emotional needs so that there is NO COMPARISON between you -- her loving and lawful husband -- and scumb bucket POSOM!

When I was in the first months of knowing, I needed constant reminders from the book and this website to keep on track.

Plus my individual counselor, who helped me find my confidence again.

HOpe that helps.

Also, Cliffy: While it's great that we have a wonderful dialogue, you should try to address the broader group to elicit MORE feedback and support. I'm just one recovering BS, and your situation I believe needs a bit more help than just me!

But keep the questions coming!

Thanks sweat pea. I agree! I need help from anyone that is on this website. Everyone to date has been awesome and has made me really understand what and why my WW did what she did.

It is still a daily battle, but things are definitely getting better. My WW is a lot more understanding which makes it a whole lot easier to handle too.

Like sweat pea's FWH, I think my WW has seen the light, and is now making a concerted effort.

Hi,

I have not posted for a while. Since D-Day 2 (SEP 5, 2011), my wife and I have been doing plan A. Not perfectly, but we have been working at it and we are both on the road to recovery. We are a lot happier together.

The reason why I am posting is my pain. I know this pain will take a long time to heal, or may never heal entirely. My concern is in the recent weeks, in my mind I have come to a realization that I may never love my wife again, the way I used to. This consideration has made me wonder if I should still be in this marriage or not? We have a beautiful child together, and the last thing I want to do is to bring her up in a broken home.

However, this feeling that I don't/won't love my wife the same again, at first I thought was just part of the pain, but now has come to be a lot more than that. It is keeping me up. I am sanely thinking about it, putting in my mind the realities of actually leaving my wife. I can vision a life without her? The possibility of even being with someone else.

This sounds all insane, and let me tell you, before my wife cheated on me, I thought we were soul mates, and these thoughts were never in my mind.

Is it strange for me to feel this way now?

I have not spoken to my wife about this. I know I need to as some stage, but do not know how to approach it - ie. love withdrawal.

Cliffy, the way you feel is a result of your wife's affair and it will get worse over time unless you use this program. Her affair was a massive lovebuster. But you don't want the same marriage back that you had before. That marriage led to an affair. You have to have something BETTER. And you can have something better if you use this program in a diligent, methodical way.

You should not be doing Plan A, but Plan Recovery. That means using the program to become experts at meeting each others needs, eliminating lovebusters and most importantly, spending 20-25 hours per week of undivided attention time meeting these top 4 intimate emotional needs: affection, conversation, sexual fulfillment, and recreational companionship. <----that is the key to restoring romantic love. This program does not work without it.

I would get the books, Surviving an Affair, Lovebusters and the workbook, Five Steps to Romantic Love and follow the program as outlined in those books.

If you do that, then you will have a BETTER marriage than what you had before. And that is the goal, because your old marriage is dead and gone. It is what led to an affair.

If you have any problems doing this, I would strongly encourage you to sign up for the Marriage Builders course like many of us have done. They assign you a trained coach who guides your lessons and is in phone/email contact with you every week. You have daily access to Dr Harley over on the private forum. My H and I did this course in 2007 and it made an amazing difference. [they call it the online course now but it is the same course]