Cliffy:
He did tell me that he told her he loved her. Thought they had a "magical connection" because their sexual encounters were so "amazing." PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!PUKE!!
But when DDay arrived, and I said me or her, he chose me.
Withdrawal is difficult for some WS, and what I've read on the forum is that it can be more difficult for women.
Here's a quote from Dr. Harvey, and I would recommend finishing "surviving an Affair," and reacquainting yourself with this particular link: What do do with an unfaithful wife:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5033a_qa.html[quote]
She is probably suffering depression over the relationship not working out. It's a common symptom of withdrawal. She will want to talk to someone about how badly she feels. Try to be the one she confides in, even if what she says is how much she misses this other man. DON'T JUDGE HER! If you do, she simply won't open up to you. If you can't handle it, she should talk to a friend or a counselor, but don't risk losing her by venting your anger or your judgment on her. [\quote]
It's your job to meet ALL of her most important emotional needs so that there is NO COMPARISON between you -- her loving and lawful husband -- and scumb bucket POSOM!
When I was in the first months of knowing, I needed constant reminders from the book and this website to keep on track.
Plus my individual counselor, who helped me find my confidence again.
HOpe that helps.
Also, Cliffy: While it's great that we have a wonderful dialogue, you should try to address the broader group to elicit MORE feedback and support. I'm just one recovering BS, and your situation I believe needs a bit more help than just me!
But keep the questions coming!