Are you a believer in Jesus? If yes, then perhaps you would consider the following scriptures to support the advice presented here:
Matthew 5:27-30
27 �You have heard that it was said, �YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY�; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.
The above is not exclusively for men, it's for women too. The concept of NO CONTACT fits with this scriptural truth.
We are told to FLEE temptation, in the manner of Joseph when Potiphar's wife came on to him. We are not to try to see how close we can get to the line.
FLEE temptation.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.
Seems pretty clear. Both scripture and the good folks here are telling you no contact. The recommended daily allowance of contact in any form is ZERO.
Why are you still trying to justify your thinking and moral code when it was that very thinking and moral code that allowed you to decide to have an affair?
I'm not saying you can't learn. But stop justifying your actions, and stop telling us your standard is good enough. As evidenced by your self-admitted affair, it's not.
Do you want the advice, or do you simply want validation?
This site is Marriage Builders. It's not Self-Esteem Builders. This site will not make you feel good about what you did.
It might make you feel good about what is possible in a marriage that is governed by the principles spelled out here.
But it will not make you feel good about what you did, or any wayward thinking you may still hold onto.
