I'm so tired today. My poor husband was looking forward to going to work to rest and he is a heavy equipment mechanic which is NOT easy. He is lifting heavy stuff and welding most of the day.

We are building a commercial dog kennel in the back yard to start dog boarding and he is custom building the runs for me. We got up at 6 each morning and went shopping for materials and was out working by 12 until dark. We went out to eat Saturday and spent some good time together throughout the day but man it was hard exercise for me.

He made some good deposits this weekend by helping me and no matter how tired he was, he took care of me and rubbed my back becuase it was cramping. He even came in a cooked last night becuase I could hardly stand on my feet they were hurting so much.



Overall a good weekend. Now time for me to get up and start some DS for him...lol. The house looks like a tornado came through it.

so glad your weekend went well!!!

gave your H a bit of a hard time on his post- sorry i didnt know you physically needed him to build things for your business!! oops!

Lol its ok. He can take it. We were not even in the house much so I don't think he read it untill today and he said he would do it tonight so he could post a draft for pappa bear.

He seemed disappointed I didn't want to read but I was in real pain last night. I have bad feet and was on them way too long yesterday. I just would not have been able to concentrate.

you did a really great job tonite on your posting

Thank u. I really hopehe comes around but I have a feeling she will be here for awhile.

I've not seen your husband here in awhile. Keeping him busy?

Ok David spoke 2 weeks ago about exposing to his son and a friend because im getting blamed for him not being able to do the same things he did pre A.
His son has even stopped coming over on his weekends because " he can't do anything without me anymore" while this is not true before the A husband would spend %100 of his time away with his son on weekends. Now we do things together when we can afford it.

I guess my question is about poja. He is not enthusiastic about it because it will be embarrassing and uncomfortable but I really need to feel like his son not coming over is not my fault.

Family is very important to him so I know it hurts that his son is being selfish a out this.

Should I push this or let it go. Remember I didn't expose because I didn't know I should before we were pretty much in recovery.

What a load of *edit*!

Protecting his image is more important than being honest...
Protecting his image and his lies is more important than protecting YOU!




He is still wayward in his thinking!!

Let him know you need to POJA HOW to get it done, with you being present, when the truth occurs....

I guess the highlighted part was a DJ because he has not really told me why he keeps putting it off. I feel like if I keep bringing it up, I'm pushing again. I keep feeling like it is getting swept under the rug and he is letting me take the fall for some of it. I know it is my fault I didnt expose but it was a month after the fact and I didnt need to break it up. He had already chosen me.

I guess I'm the poster child for what happens when you dont expose.

luvs of couse its your fault, not...

hes afraid to tell, they may not like him too much-

i told dss and h friends and they are ignoring him - they are mad at him, so either way its my fault too.

told sil that no H couldnt go out with them without me and they would have to respect that- big mean chicka wont let H do anything, blah blah blah - i get it

H hasnt said that but you get a sense with the small comments

where are all those rollercoaster hugs icons?

you have to click switch to full reply screen then there is a big smile face that you click and they all pop up for you to chose.

at least the reason they are staying away is the real reason and NO it is not your fault. You told them the truth. At least they have a REASON that you are being the B$tch....LOL

Ok update..

I could not sleep Saturday night because of everything that was running around in my head so I sat down and made a list of things that I needed him to do still.

One was finish the list of EPs he was working on with papabear. He has still not compiled everything and giving me the list so we can go over them and I've tried to stay out of it on his thread.

Another right off my head is the exposure. He did this yesterday. We agreed that it was ok to do it in a text as long as I approved what went out first. It went very well. His son came back and apologized for not coming around and asked if he could come next time. I was not expecting this response from him. His friends all asked if there was anything he needed and were very supportive.

He was working on the EPs when I woke up because I slept late when I finally got to sleep but I pulled him off so we could have lunch and do a few things. He will work on them again today most likley. I had 8 things total and I told him I didn't need them all at once but wanted him to work on them asap.

All in all a pretty good Sunday.

Dang can't edit a post from my phone.

Wanted to also say he tried to minimize a bit on his exposure but I didn't let him. He was saying he had "an affair" . I made him change that to multiple texting and one physical affair. He had "sexted" with MANY and had actually gone out of town and gotten a hotel room to meet one and chickened out before meeting "the one". I also made him put a time frame so they knew it was not a ONS.

I guess he is still thinking a bit "wayward" when it comes down to it.

I'm glad to hear that you at least got to approve the text....

Sadly he missed out on everything associated with making face to face amends and being honest with all these people.

He pulled off a huge, upset victory,for the home team of wayward thinking. And gaslighted you yet again in the process....

He didn't have to look any one in the eye.
He didn't have to see there reaction when he told them - THEY were being used as cover for his affairs.
He didn't have to look at you while he shared this information verbally.
He didn't get to see the hurt in your eyes.
He didn't have to risk other information, that you may not know about, coming out in the form of questions from them.
He him-hawed around, pretending/looking helpless, procrastinating,,,, and then (one of you) suggested it might be better received in the form of a text.


I'm still appalled with this one; His son came back and apologized. Really! He now feels to blame for his dads LYING about everything, and somehow feels he must apologize? He's a kid and needed clarity and the chance to ask questions. His Dad should be embarrassed!

LD, you are missing these red flags and it will come back and bite you in the form of more wayward thinking!

I'm sorry, I'm trying not to come across as harsh...
I really want you to see what you're missing...
I want you guys to succeed, with all my heart I want you guys to have the greatest marriage in the world,,,,
...but you cannot get in the way of the steps he needs to take nor get in the way of the struggles he must address on his own...
He is a big boy and MUST put on his big boy pants!

I understand and am not missing them.

One word....... RENTER

I refuse to beat my head on that wall. I will stick around for the 2 years and see if he can change that. If not he knows Im out. Im at peace....can't tell u if it is from healing or withdrawal. I have some good days and know he is not having an affair.

Then stop agreeing to his half measures.....
He texted because you agreed to it!


The beauty of this forum is.......

You can send him to his thread to ask the questions like; "do you think texting my amends and disclosure is a good idea".
And WE get to point out that it's a bad idea and discuss his wayward thinking. All the while, you get to sit back, detached from any lovebusters, and just watch.

Ok Full of DJ's

I'm just tired of getting my hopes up and then see that he is only doing the bare minimum to keep me "in it" When he started posting here, I thought, that was the ticket. Now I see that he just does the same here. He does the minimum it requires. I even posted that we would see how long it lasted. (I said this becuase this is the 3rd program we started only to get 1/2 way through and he is just not into it anymore and I have to push)

If you saw the texts, you would understand. It looked like he took all your points, changed them around a bit, and wanted to send it. It was like....Ok said that....check.

I agreed to the texting becuase I saw it was the only way to get it done. He would have agreed to talking to them in person but would never get around to it.

He does not go on his hobby board anymore becuase I told him I wanted him to spend time on here.

I dont think he will ever cheat on me again becuase he KNOWS what I will do next time. I will expose far and wide. If I cant find her, I will rent a bill board (might even if I do find her). Then I will file divorce. If he is afaid to face exposer just to a few people while I'm calm, he will want to fall off the face of the earth next time.

I'm not sure what else to say. I dont like it but that is all I got. Now I just decide if it is enough. Some of the things that should be filling my LB dont anymore becuase I know it is done just to keep me here. I'm not sure how to work that one out.....any pointers?

Ok all this post got me is how he thought he was doing good. I don't complain enough that he is half a$$ing everything.

Makes me feel like he just told me I have to stand over him and make him do it.

I gave him the list of what I needed so I would not have to stand over him and this is what I get.

Im done. I will lose everything if I leave now but I guess I might be another casualty of an affair. We will see what next year holds.

Luvs,

Is your H posting here? I can't remember. I'm pretty sure you have, but have you asked him what he needs to get him moving and proactive on his own?

CV

He is dtl a few posts down.