Do you understand what NC means. It is not this.

Sorry .. VAR = voice activated recorder. So if it was under your Hubbys seat attached at the bottom or in the dashboard hidden .. it starts recording as soon as it pics up sounds or someone talking. You can ge them at future shop ... radioshack... etc .. pretty much any major electronics store.

What does triggered mean? Sorry, I haven't found the definition of that one yet though I see it a lot. I wouldn't really see her unless I went out of my way...or she gets transferred to MY building which is also a possibility...would LOVE that! haha



I don't know...he seems to respond better and open up more when I approach him firmly, but calmly. Although... the one time that I did flip out, I could FINALLY sense some fear from him that he had something to lose, and a tiny HINT of regret... and HE was the one to back down... momentarily. It was when I said to him "Tell me what I have to do to get through to you. Either you stop talking to her or your find your clothes out on the front lawn when you get home."

It did SEEM to work... from that day forward there was NC - that I have detected, like I said.

Yes, I do understand...I guess I'm just trying to avoid making this a HUGE deal at work. We both have to work there... ugh. I would like to be a little bit more discreet about it.

triggered means .. reminded ... the reminder will set him back and drum up his feelings and it bring s him back to the beginning of the withdrawl stage each time his feelings are resurfaced. He will seem distant again ... etc.

Do not rule out a pay as you go affair phone now the hes on to you. HENCE the VAR!

Thank you!!! Will do!!

Get a digital one ... and put a large SD card it in like a 4gig. So you can leave it for a few days then retrieve it when he is sleeping or something ...

Play it on the low side ... pretend everything is ok while you PLAN A ... meet his needs etc while not expecting to have yours met for a while (temporarily)

Stop bringing up the affair to him for a while ... this will get him comfortable while you do some super sleuthing.

Kind of how he was acting yesterday... after returning to work after a week of vacation with me & the kids where everything seemed like it was going well...hmmmmm...


We agreed that he would tell me each and every time there was necessary work related contact with her or if he saw her, spoke to her, etc due to work requirements. I asked him on Monday he said there was none. I did not ask about yesterday.


Have not ruled out a second phone for sure or new email addresses... trying to find evidence of that...

He claims that he got caught so quickly because he "wanted to get caught". He told me he left a very lovey email to her open on his PC at home for hours one day just to see if I would catch him. He told me he could not keep up the deception and that he was "bad at it". Um, no not really...because I trusted him...

I will be blunt, you are not getting it.

Either she needs to leave that employer or you both do. No dancing around it.

All you asking for advice, plans, snooping, everything, will all hinge on NO CONTACT.

There is no alternate plan on here. If you are trying a different way, why ask for advice on here?

You are not getting it.

Get the keylogger for your home PC ... when he gets comfy again he will use the home PC to get his "hit" once he thinks your not on his case anymore. If you can not get into his account on your home PC ... get the hard wired keylogger. Plugs into the USB port in the back and sends you logs. www.desktopshark.com The software version is best as it remains hidden becasue if he looked at the back of the PC he would see the hardwired keylogger plugged in (unless you had a long USB extension that tucked behind the desk and it was sitting on the floor attached to the USB extension.

You can't avoid conflict if you want to resolve this, so just scratch this off your list. You are going to have HUGE, MASSIVE turmoil if you want to save your marriage and you are going to have to remain calm and STICK TO A PLAN. If you can put aside your emotions and follow a plan you can make it.


I would not wait at all. You can make a plan NOW. Just read the link in my signature and then come back and lets talk. That will give you an idea of what you need to do, along with good exposure tactics.


You are not even CLOSE to step one. That will never happen as long as they work at the same place. He is not working on your marriage and he is not even remotely serious. Just the fact that he blames you for his affairs reflects that. I bet if you put spyware on his phone and a VAR in his car, you would find they still communicate outside of work.

I know .. herb ... but since she is not in a position to force him to leave the job yet .. she needs other advice that she can work with until they get to that point. I agree that the AP has to go ... I would possibly (if i was her) try to get the HR going on a sexual harassment lawsuit suggestion, to get OW to "disappear". But in the meantime ... she has to confirm and gather some goods since the job situation is kinda tricky for them at the moment.

Quoting for TRUTH!

I am an alcoholic. Will I be sober if I take "necessary work related drinks" and just tell my husband?

You don't get it. Telling you will not solve the problem. The problem is that he SEES HER. Do you see what I mean? What does telling you do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The fact that he sees her makes withdrawal and recovery of your marriage absolutely impossible.


Your husband is a very mean, cruel guy who likes to play headgames with you.

Do you have the lovey dovey email so you can show it to her husband? I wonder if will be equally amused at your husband's cuteness?

I see also that OW is married! .. did you tell her BH? If you got any evidence in hard copy at all .. I would expose to her and her family too as well as yours if you got the "goods".

MrNiceguy, I don't think you get what herb is saying. He is telling her that his "honesty" about contact is worthless. It means nothing. What she has to do now is EXPOSE the affair. The confirming and gathering time is passed.

Mel ... I dont have a husband :P should fix that quote. lol

edited: thanks

She HAS the goods. Her husband has admitted the affair. She now needs to EXPOSE the affair and get her H out of there.

I see.... but if he only admitted it .. but she has no "hard proof" to back up her claims when she exposes. Couldnt he just claim shes crazy? (if he hasnt already).

I guess we should ask. Do you have hard evidence of the affair other than him admitting it to you?