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She is leaving but I feel like it is to get some space from all the pressure and stress that is between us so she can think more clearly.

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You're right, you can't physically restrain her short of being charged with unlawful confinement.

You can however, tell everyone the truth and blow up her fantasy, and bring her back to reality. That's done with exposure.

You've gotten 6 pages + your other thread of MB advice, all people saying the same thing (including those who have RECOVERED their marriages from a similar situation). All from advice from a professional counselor who has saved many marriages from the same, even worse.

WHY don't you believe it? WHY do you think that letting this selfish woman bully you and walk out on you and your little kids without any repercussions?

You do realize that she's not going to say, "yeah, I walked out on my husband and newborn because I started sleeping with other men, you know how it is'.

No.

She's going to tell people "he's awful, he's mean, he's neglectful, he's abusive, and only X understood, he saved me blah blah blah blah".

Exposure using proper snooping will prove this ^ to be wrong.

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LFH,
Your best act to be self confidence is what she needs to see. You have let go of her and her actions. Just act on your values instead of your emotions. You are the lighthouse, she is the ship lost and tossed in a roiling sea.


God's goal for marriage: Become ONE! How? MBer methods.
Me:husband 42
wife, 40
married 1/12/1991
3 children, 1 granddaughter
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Originally Posted By: looking_for_help
What if her family starts giving her grief over it?


? Like tell her it is wrong and immoral to abandon her family like that ? That is the whole point. So far, nobody has told her that she is doing wrong and her family (sister at least) is supporting such depraved actions. If they knew the truth, maybe they would stop enabling it.

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Originally Posted By: looking_for_help
What if her family starts giving her grief over it?


That will be a good thing, its best not to hide her from the consequences of her actions... helps kill the fantasy in your wifes mind. However you have to get to them and tell them first that you want to SAVE your marriage and need their influence to help persuade your wife to stop the destruction of your marriage.

DO you have ANY evidence of her affairs at all?

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I can do more snooping but I think I will go ahead and expose unless there is some reason to snoop more first.

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I do have evidence and her sister knows as well as her brother in law.

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And she told two people she works with.

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Understand that even after exposure, snooping is essential. You do it until you are too bored to continue because you've found nothing too many times. A wayward spouse simply cannot be trusted even when "recovery" begins.

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What did she tell them? Did you verify from them what she actually said?

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Gonna be hard with her at her sister's house.

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OK good ... just expose. Have you seen the link in ML's sig about exposure 101? Go have a good read on it and take some notes.

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I havent yet but she said she had been getting advice about things from them. I know that yall say to not believe anything she says but she talks about the advice that they have given her and that kind of stuff would not really be worth making up because some of it was very negative toward her.

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Use facebook .. copy all your wifes firneds to a note pad file and send each of them a message 60 seconds apart in one swoop. (this prevents spam filters from shutting you down if you time them out.

There is a template i think somewhere that will give you a basic exposure letter to start with. Simple .. to the point. No drama. You love your wife ... she had an affair... you have evidence if anyone wants to see. Plz help my save my marriage.

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Will def read that again. We are about to sit down to discuss the logistics of this stupid separation.

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I would ask the mods to move this to the SAA forum. There is alot more traffic in that section. Click notify in your post to get help from a mod.

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Originally Posted By: looking_for_help
So we just left our second couple's counselling session and the decision that came out was that we are going to separate. She will be going to her sister's and wants to work out a schedule with the kids.

Good or bad? Let me know if more info is needed to decide.


It is very bad and is likely to lead to divorce. The counselor is helping her destroy your marriage.

If you dont' expose this affair and put a stop to it, you will have nothing left. It is really important that you start listening to us if you want to save this.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: looking_for_help
Will def read that again. We are about to sit down to discuss the logistics of this stupid separation.


You need to stop this train wreck NOW. Do not cooperate with any separation. You must STOP contributing to your own demise. Tell her you love her and that you will not cooperate in any way shape or form with a separation. Tell her she will need to get a court order to take your children.

Please listen. You cannot afford any more missteps.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: looking_for_help
I do have evidence and her sister knows as well as her brother in law.


You need to expose this affair YOURSELF, lfh. Make up a list that consists of her sister, brother in law, her parents, your parents, close friends and sibs. Expose to them all. Go to the OM's facebook page and copy and paste all his contacts into a word doc for safe keeping.

Expose to all these people TODAY using the templates in my thread in my signature.

And did you get a keylogger on her computer like I suggested? Does she have a laptop she will be taking?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: looking_for_help
And she told two people she works with.


This does not count as exposure. She is telling people "we have fallen out of love and are getting a separation. In the meantime I have met a new man!"

All of these people need to hear the truth from you: "wife is having an adulterous affair with an old lover and wants to leave to carry on her affair. Please use your influence to persuade her to end her affair."

And DO NOT cooperate with the "separation." That "counselor" has caused great harm to your marriage. They are destructive to marriages.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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