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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
When discussing this earlier she was very adamant about having equal acces to the kids which i thought was very "final" sounding.

Did you tell her what I said above? Make sure you explain that you will be seeking PRIMARY CUSTODY of your kids on GROUNDS OF ADULTERY. In most states, even no fault states, adultery is taken into consideration when it comes to custody and financial settlement.

Also tell her that judges FROWN on parents who ABANDON their children. By moving out, she is doing what is considered abandonment.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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p.s. tell her you will also seek to prevent her from ever taking your children around her adultery partner since he is an unfit adult.

She is planning on introducing them if she hasn't already. Her goal is to replace you entirely with the OM.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Make sure you explain that you will be seeking PRIMARY CUSTODY of your kids on GROUNDS OF ADULTERY.
Nail her on this. Make it clear that you will not roll over for her. She has a cozy scenario in her head right now that involves you cheerfully bowing out of the marriage and allowing OM to step in. DO NOT ALLOW THIS.


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Please make it clear that you will never be her friend, acquaintance etc if she is considering divorce. She needs to know you expect full custody and will get a court order to keep her ex away from the children. My husband woke up when OW received a signed and notarized no contact letter on behalf of our minor children. It also threatened a lawsuit for emotional distress on behalf of our children. There are some excellent legal-language templates online. You need to preempt her plan to separate from you to eventually begin a new life with that OM.


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

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In Adultery nothing is final ... their emotions change hourly.

Your only goal and PLAN is A ... Carrot/Stick

You are the husband she fell in love with and you do everything in your power to NUCLEAR BOMB EXPOSE her adultery to everyone.

OM Wife
OM Family
OM Friends
WW Family
WW Friends

Every single person (Read Melody's 101 Exposure thread) will get the bomb.

You need to do it today ... your marriage can survive her anger it cannot survive a 3rd person.

EXPOSURE has to happen ... so far on this forum it is by far the single most effective tool. There are thousands of successes from exposure.

You become the best darn husband on the planet ... you chase her ... you WOW her over with your Plan A dynamics.

EXPOSURE IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
So we just left our second couple's counselling session and the decision that came out was that we are going to separate. She will be going to her sister's and wants to work out a schedule with the kids.

Good or bad? Let me know if more info is needed to decide.

This is why my stomach gets torn up into knots whenever someone comes here and tells me they are going to a marriage counselor. This mans wife wants to leave to pursue her affair and the "counselor" just validated her. And Jesus wept.....


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by looking_for_help
So we just left our second couple's counselling session and the decision that came out was that we are going to separate. She will be going to her sister's and wants to work out a schedule with the kids.

Good or bad? Let me know if more info is needed to decide.

This is why my stomach gets torn up into knots whenever someone comes here and tells me they are going to a marriage counselor. This mans wife wants to leave to pursue her affair and the "counselor" just validated her. And Jesus wept.....

My heart hurts. I wish that more marriage counselors would learn how to SAVE marriages.


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Ok, so how big do "crow" portion sizes come anyway? I owe everyone here an appology.

I have so deeply wanted to believe my wife that I have totally ignored the advice on here. I am sorry for that.

It may be too late now but I am exposing things this morning. After a little more snooping I found out that she has not ended contact with him. She has continually lied to me and I have had enough of the lies.

I confronted her with the new lies last night and she still says that she doesn't want me or want to try to work things out. She is back at home because she doesn't want to be away from the kids. I told her last night that I will be filing for divorce on the grounds of Adultery and I will be filing for Primary Full custody. This didn't seem to affect her in the least in regards to her ending things with the OM. All she wants to say is why am I trying to use the kids to punish her?

So, do I get any replies that don't include a very large "we told you so"?

I am also thinking of calling the OM just to let him know what he has contributed to and that he should know that my kids will NEVER be around him in any form or fashion just so he knows that his potential new life will not be a bed of roses. Advice on that?

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Better late than never! grin

Ok, are you ready to get to work? If so, go read the thread in my signature to see how to do the exposure. And don't call the OM until after you have exposed the affair to his family and friends.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Don't worry, there aren't any "I told you sos", it is very typical for a betrayed spouse to want to believe the best but unfortunately that is rarely ever (if ever) true. But please HEAD any advice from here on in - unfortunately these situations are never unique.

Expose this morning - great! Do it properly, it's overdue. I wouldn't bother calling the OM - he is having an affair with a married woman, I'm sure he doesn't care if he's doing damage. You can however, get him where it hurts by telling his family (is he married? Sorry don't recall). How did she meet this guy again?

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Remember that the OM is not married either. I don't know if that matters.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Remember that the OM is not married either. I don't know if that matters.

You can expose to his family. Does he have a facebook page?

Did you read the thread in my signature?? It is real important you do this in a very strategic, effective way.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
It may be too late now but I am exposing things this morning. After a little more snooping I found out that she has not ended contact with him. She has continually lied to me and I have had enough of the lies.

Did you save the evidence?

Also, I do like your plan to call the OM. Just do it after you have done a nuclear exposure.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Oh I see, then this is her ex husband. Well yes, expose to his families. Does he have a partner? Is he completely single? Do you know this for fact or is that what she says?

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I believe he does have a FB account.

I have read it but I'll go back and read it again this morning before I start making calls.

Do you still honestly think I have any kind of chance to save this marriage even though I have disregarded your advice up to this point?

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alis,

I don't know if he has a partner. I know he's single.

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I'm not going on anything she says anymore because she apparently is not the same person right now. I don't really know how to find out if he has a GF or not.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I believe he does have a FB account.

I have read it but I'll go back and read it again this morning before I start making calls.

Do you still honestly think I have any kind of chance to save this marriage even though I have disregarded your advice up to this point?

Yes! You have a 50/50 chance of saving this if you are very strategic.

Go to the OM's facebook page and copy and paste all his contacts into a word doc for safekeeping. Then use the letter on the thread in my signature and send his contacts private messages telling them about the affair.

CALL her parents and close family using the talking points outlined in my thread. Ask them all to call her up and use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. Email other family members with the email example.

Also, call your parents and tell them about the affair. Ask for their support.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
alis,

I don't know if he has a partner. I know he's single.

It is very likely he has another GF so doing the facebook exposure will bring her out of the woodwork. Be sure and put your phone # and email address on the message.

Did you read the thread in my signature?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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So now it's just questions for me. She has told me that she has been emotionally neglected for so long (which is true) that she has given up on us long before the affair. Does that have any significance here?

I guess what I'm asking is whether all of this is a wasted effort if she has consistently said that she is done and doesn't want to work this out?

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