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(((Hope))) l know you've had it rough hon, but I can't tell you enough how proud I am of you, Even though things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to originally you have come through with your dignity intact. It's been really nice to see you around lately helping out newbies. We've truly missed your wit and charm and warm down to earth advice. Hubby and I may be coming down your way in august, maybe we can have dinner or something. I'd love to finally meet you!

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I am sorry you are feeling sad today.

You had a good run with him before he blew it.

((hugs))

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Geeze, Hope

Sorry for the "down time". You still are a strong, positive contributor for all of us.
BC


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Reading your post from yesterday makes me a little teary. Love you, Hope.
Hugs.


AM


BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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thanks mbers. I got through the day. Had a good talk with DD31 and some memories we shared. There were many happy times. Even though Xh has forgotten his family we have not forgotten ours.

We get through this daily. We survive every day.

Appreciate the posts because you all get it, MBers with restored M and those that did not recover.

Princess meg, anytime you want to come visit you are welcome. I look forward to meeting you also!


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: Dec 2008
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Thanks for being such a supportive friend, Hope. Our daily talks get me through the rough patches. We were brought together for a reason -- all part of God's plan. Italian sisters!


M 25 yrs, 3 teens
Dday 12/07
5ish False Recoveries (all in 2008)
12/08 WH moves in w/OW, her kids
Plan B/D/FU -- depending on the day
He files 1/09; D final 12/2012
"I'm moving on"
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 614
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Hey Hope, i just wanted to stop by and say hello. Sorry to hear you had a sad day; but it seems you are finally getting to close some of those icky doors, good for you!!


Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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<<hope>> love, support, prayers and hugs to you!


Me-49, WH-51
Married 02/1983 yrs, Sons - 27, 26, 20
1st PA - 1985, 1st known EA - 1992/1993
2nd PA - 06/02 to 11/04
1st D-day - 09/03, D-day 2 - 10/04 D-day 3 05/08
NC e-mail - 11/04- it wasn't real
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Just checking in and update.

Got back from 2 week vacation from visiting family and friends. Did a few nights at the shore too which was great.

Had some triggers of much better times while there. Sitting outside at night at the hotel we used to go to and I am alone now. We would look at the ocean and realize all the blessings we had then.

Got together with my old neighbors at our lake and it was good to see them all again. They all reminded me how ours was the marriage that everyone thought was great. I think I needed to hear that especially since XH went on this path.

Good news while away DD17 got another scholarship which will help with pay for her first semester. She will be coming to my job this week to be awarded the scholarship. She does not want XH to attend and I honor her wishes.

His birthday was a few weeks ago and DD31 called him and he never called her back. Heard PP had a party for him (her famly only of course and then they went to Vegas). Shake my head.

My challenge on my first day back today is that an "all hands" is scheduled and I run the risk of seeing both of them.

Waiting to hear on the lot if bank approves and trying to figure out about the house.

It was 3 years for Dday last week. Makes me sad.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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I have been taking some time off and checking in infrequently to see how everyone is doing.

Have not posted on my own stitch for awhile. Last couple of months have been good but of course with ebbs and tides of life.

DD turned 18 in August. My baby is no longer a baby. She started college and is doing well albeit living home, yet another sacrifice to the altar of the infidelity.

DD30 is thinking of moving here beginning of next year if she gets a job. It would be good having her here.

I have been busy with work, church, serving and social activities. No I am not dating. Right now there is no remedy for the hole in my heart that can't be filled.

Any BS take that time and force yourself to not turn down any invitation. I stopped saying no to life and after awhile I enjoyed the plans I made.

XH will be affaired to PP 1 year on 10/10, 3 1/2 years after D Day. This weekend they will be meeting my SIL, who was like a sister to me for 25 years with her fiance and go to Cancun.

I hear these statistics of 3% of these A lasting. I am also aware of some MBers like myself those numbers failed. Some others like Chai, Holy heart and I think tryingtolive, who put the best Plan A like no others and her XH is still with Ow and she has moved on.

What BS need to know even if they can't save their M they can save themselves. There is personal recovery. Discover yourselves, wait till you get D to start dating no matter how lonely it is and just be still for awhile.

Most days are good now and there is laughter in the house all the time. It is just those certain moments of time, an anniversary that is no longer, a song on the radio that was yours and his, a fleeting flash of the past when yes it was a M and it was good.

We forget that after all of the garbage, pain and yes anguish their adultery caused.

We are not victims but good soldiers left behind by their leader. A leader who ran to the enemy. My DDs and me lost a few battles but we are winning the war every day.

I'm still here. blessings



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: Oct 2009
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Hope, you are such a pillar of strength and good character. It has to be so tough sometimes, but you have shown that you really CAN survive from a spouse's affair.

You are simply amazing. hug


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Dec 2008
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Happy late Thanksgiving greetings to all of the Mbers,

Thanksgiving day was filled with blessings and friends. This was the 2nd year that DD18 and myself served the homeless. It was rewarding and humbling. Anyone that thinks their problems are the worst, you forget when you see children waiting in line for their turn for their Thanksgiving dinner, or an elderly woman dressed in her "best" clothes alone and just wanting to talk to the volunteers.

I was so proud of DD18 handing out slices of pie and giving her biggest smile to each and every person who walked through that line. She is a long way from that angry hurt teenager.

I am in the process of buying XH out for the house. He thinks I am "stealing" it...of course...silly wayward. I gave him fair market value. I could not give him bankrupt value which he is always looking for more money to waste.

I continue to work with both XH and PP. I hardly see either of them. Interesting enough though last week I had to invite PP to a communication lunch meaning 8 of us sitting around a conference table. She was very uncomfortable and everyone was very supportive of me. I basically ignored her. She has no power over me.

Both DDs are doing well. DD31 is looking to moving to this area next year depending on the job market.

I am doing well and surrounded with good friends. I still continue not to date by choice. Right now it is the right choice. There are days that I get lonely but it is for the good H not the crazy fallen from grace XH.

Finding this MB site saved me. I do not know where I would have been without it.

Always thankful to my MBer friends. They were cyber angels.



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Posts: 2,455
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Since I popped in to write on Chai's thread thought I would jump onto mine and dust it off a bit and post an update.

Still doing well and most days are peaceful which I have come to enjoy.

both DDs are my blessings and we continue to have a good R.
D on children any age is difficult and to say that the kids aren't affected...it does especially when it is adultery.

I (and the bank) are the official owner of my home now. Was able to get a good mortgage and I am saving more than $300 a month with the refinance and paying off XH.

Still do not date and not sure if I ever will or want to. My motto; Love when ready, not when lonely. Good words to live by.

Next month an adventure of a lifetime. I am going to China for 2 weeks! XH's best friend (or should I say X best friend) has been a rock for our family. He has been a father figure to DD18 these past few years and we are very close with him, wife and 2 boys. See them all every year when they come here to visit. He has given me an airline ticket with some of his million points and staying with the family. I have always loved to travel and have been unable due to the cost so this trip is a blessing I cannot imagine.

As far as XH and PP...see them occassionally at work. Just ignore when I do. Nothing else i can do. As long as he is with PP he is like PP. I don't know this angry depressed man.

Recently ran into his "best man" for his affairage. I told him all my good news of new SUV, house, life and being in a good place. He said to me "mark your watch" and asked what he meant. He said i told XH not to marry PP and time is ticking...this is not going to last. Not encouraging when it comes from your own best man.

I think i need to buy popcorn and watch the show.


Blessings to my old gang at MB.



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: Feb 2005
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Hope,

So happy to see you stop in! I think doing things in your own time is best, I am sure I would do the same, or like you said maybe not at all.

You are fortunate to have such a good friend! Come back and tell us how the trip went.

ba


Me-49, WH-51
Married 02/1983 yrs, Sons - 27, 26, 20
1st PA - 1985, 1st known EA - 1992/1993
2nd PA - 06/02 to 11/04
1st D-day - 09/03, D-day 2 - 10/04 D-day 3 05/08
NC e-mail - 11/04- it wasn't real
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
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Do you suppose WXH already has a girlfriend or two?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Good to see old "faces".

begin it is one day at a time and always God's best plan for each of us. Very excited about the trip and to see a different culture and everything that it has to offer.

Hi Karma, if anything it would be PP lining up her new victim. XH has gone to pot so to speak. He has put on at least 50 pounds and aged ten years. Not very appealing to OW unless maybe he was paying by the hour. just saying.

take care.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
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A good point you made there. It's been so long since you've updated I've all but forgotten the details of your sitch!

He must still be spending the money. I can't see an OW staying with someone who's put on 50 1bs and 10 years for any other reason.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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and I forgot to mention he is paying 50K to bankruptcy 100% including one special creditor...me.

Yes a real catch.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
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Hope,

I have been wondering about you. I am glad you stopped by and posted. You sound so well. Have a great trip!!!

AM


BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Thanks for the update, hope! I am glad you are doing well and moving on. hug


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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