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IMO, that information should make you less likely to trust him again, not more likely.

It can give you understanding, and hopefully to ease your way if you have any perfectly normal feelings of inadequacy. What it will never do is excuse him in any way, shape, or form. OF COURSE he should have known better. OF COURSE he did know better. OF COURSE he should (and could) have walked away the moment he felt anything inappropriate.

Because he didn't walk away, he destroyed his family. It would require serious intervention from God and a number of people who are not you, before there was any chance at all that he would be a fit spouse for you. He would have to become a whole new person, and live a whole new life, that didn't leave open any possibility for prostitutes, sisters, or anybody else.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Wow, missed a whole page that included stalking and threats of murder in front of your children.

DO NOT WAIT for your court date.
DO NOT WAIT until you pay off some irrelevant bill.

Pick up your purse, take your children, and go RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE to a shelter. Once you are there, file a report asap on the stalking, and most importantly on the threat he made in front of your child, to shoot you in the head while the kids watched.

You aren't to blame for WH making the threat, but it will be ALL YOUR FAULT if you let those kids remain even one second longer in an environment that is that clearly unsafe.



A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by Neak
Wow, missed a whole page that included stalking and threats of murder in front of your children.

DO NOT WAIT for your court date.
DO NOT WAIT until you pay off some irrelevant bill.

Pick up your purse, take your children, and go RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE to a shelter. Once you are there, file a report asap on the stalking, and most importantly on the threat he made in front of your child, to shoot you in the head while the kids watched.

You aren't to blame for WH making the threat, but it will be ALL YOUR FAULT if you let those kids remain even one second longer in an environment that is that clearly unsafe.

ITA


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Originally Posted by Logans_Run
Originally Posted by Neak
Wow, missed a whole page that included stalking and threats of murder in front of your children.

DO NOT WAIT for your court date.
DO NOT WAIT until you pay off some irrelevant bill.

Pick up your purse, take your children, and go RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE to a shelter. Once you are there, file a report asap on the stalking, and most importantly on the threat he made in front of your child, to shoot you in the head while the kids watched.

You aren't to blame for WH making the threat, but it will be ALL YOUR FAULT if you let those kids remain even one second longer in an environment that is that clearly unsafe.

ITA

I also agree.

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Quote
Wow, missed a whole page that included stalking and threats of murder in front of your children.

DO NOT WAIT for your court date.
DO NOT WAIT until you pay off some irrelevant bill.

Pick up your purse, take your children, and go RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE to a shelter. Once you are there, file a report asap on the stalking, and most importantly on the threat he made in front of your child, to shoot you in the head while the kids watched.

As someone whose best friend since high school (more than 3 decades) and an older sister (now D) both experienced domestic violence in their marriages, I completely agree with this. Please listen to what everyone is telling you. You need to be far away from a man who would threaten such things in front of his children!

If you love your children, get away from him as soon as you can. If you don't leave, the damage to your children will be more than you can even imagine. Sorry to be so blunt but, been there-seen the aftermath-it isn't pretty....


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
Yes and no. He's threatened to kill be atleast 3 times before. The 4th time he even threatened to put a bullet in my head right infront of 3 of my kids. Our son who was 15 at the time got so upset and told him to leave crying telling him to never threaten his mother.
Leave now, Frenchie. Leave. Take the kids and leave. Is there someone who will take you in?

If he has threatened to leave you and is now stalking you, you need more help than we can give you online.

Leave now. File a restraining order against him on behalf of you and your children.

I am worried about you.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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I'm not worried about him doing anything to be at this point. He doesn't know what I'm planning really. The only thing he knows is that I've filed to have it restored to docket. He thanked me for. Wong honest to him so he wouldn't be surprised by it. He acts like nothing at all. Once I know the details of when the hearing is I'll know more what to do. When he threatened my I did call the cops. They came and documented it. I didn't file a restraining order at the time but told him that I would if he continued.

I do have a question though about him Visiting the kids. He will be living eith his sister. Since he doesn't have his own place and my kids don't feel comfortable going to her house to see him. We weren't going to have set days or schedule but I'm thinking that's not good because when we was out of the house he would come when he wanted and only for a few hours. He says he wasn't babysitting so I could go out. I was only spending time at my moms and sister so I could get out instead of being home alone waiting for whenever he felt he wanted to drop them off. How you guys work visitations? Any recommendations?


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
I'm not worried about him doing anything to be at this point. He doesn't know what I'm planning really. The only thing he knows is that I've filed to have it restored to docket. He thanked me for. Wong honest to him so he wouldn't be surprised by it. He acts like nothing at all. Once I know the details of when the hearing is I'll know more what to do. When he threatened my I did call the cops. They came and documented it. I didn't file a restraining order at the time but told him that I would if he continued.

I do have a question though about him Visiting the kids. He will be living eith his sister. Since he doesn't have his own place and my kids don't feel comfortable going to her house to see him. We weren't going to have set days or schedule but I'm thinking that's not good because when we was out of the house he would come when he wanted and only for a few hours. He says he wasn't babysitting so I could go out. I was only spending time at my moms and sister so I could get out instead of being home alone waiting for whenever he felt he wanted to drop them off. How you guys work visitations? Any recommendations?

Are you documenting everything?

How old are the kids?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
I do have a question though about him Visiting the kids.

We weren't going to have set days or schedule but I'm thinking that's not good because when we was out of the house he would come when he wanted and only for a few hours.

He says he wasn't babysitting so I could go out.

Just want to seperate part of that paragraph to point something out to you. (similar things were said and done in my VERY similar stitch).

Visitation is that, visitation. DO NOT LEAVE IT OPEN FOR NEGOTIATION. He will come and go as he pleases if left open.

The "babysitting" comment was said to me as well. It is not babysitting, it is called parenting. Big difference. What you do during his visitation time is none of his business.

Protect yourself and you children.


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Why are you mulling over visitation possibilities instead of getting out of there immediately, and filing a RO so there will be no visitation? Or at the very least, court-supervised.

You are not acting in the best interests of your children. Until you do, you are a danger to them. Stand up and protect them!


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Please listen to what Dr. Harley says when there's physical violence. He says to seperate until the abuser is in a program and has been helped.

Radio Clip on Physical Abuse
Segment #2

Segment #3


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Your situation sounds a lot like mine, Frenchie. Get out. You can do this. Get a protective order for you AND the kids - he shouldn't be around them. Forget visitation and everything about him. Just get away from him. He's not getting any better with you sticking around. Take care of you and your kids. Give them a parent to look up to.


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
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Originally Posted by rainysweet
Your situation sounds a lot like mine, Frenchie. Get out. You can do this. Get a protective order for you AND the kids - he shouldn't be around them. Forget visitation and everything about him. Just get away from him. He's not getting any better with you sticking around. Take care of you and your kids. Give them a parent to look up to.

You should read rainy's story because your stories are parallel and you will see how strong rainy as become following the MB plans.

Rainysweet's Story


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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My girls are 14, 19 & 20. And my son is 16. I do have everything documented


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


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I'm afraid I won't be able to financially do it on my own and lose everything.

He told me one day crying that I would never find anyone who loves me like him. That no one would live me like he does. I told him I hope I never find anyone like him ever again.


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
I'm afraid I won't be able to financially do it on my own and lose everything.

He told me one day crying that I would never find anyone who loves me like him. That no one would live me like he does. I told him I hope I never find anyone like him ever again.

Do you have a lawyer?

Did you listen to the radio clips that I posted?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Frenchie, are you a member of a local church ? I know our church offers financial assistance in cases like this, and works with the county local resource center. Last year they provided 39 fully furnished apartments, and helped find work. Please don't give up !!! Our church helps those in need even if they are not members.


me: FWW/BW
Married 20 years, 4 kids
We made it.
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Do not have a lawyer because I can't afford one. I have not listened to the clips but I will to tonight. I work evening and do does be so he's always around. On vacation this week so Ill be able to.


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


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Originally Posted by FindingFreedom
Frenchie, are you a member of a local church ? I know our church offers financial assistance in cases like this, and works with the county local resource center. Last year they provided 39 fully furnished apartments, and helped find work. Please don't give up !!! Our church helps those in need even if they are not members.

Did you see this Frenchie?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Also this is from a lawyer whom is also a board member.
Originally Posted by Brits_Brat
Jen,

When I was in law school, it had legal clinics staffed by law students who were under the supervision and guidance of a practicing lawyer/staff member. The clinic offered free legal services to those who could afford it. This gave me the idea to do a Yahoo search for law schools in NJ. Seton Hall's law school has a Family Law Clinic!!! Here is the description of what they offer:

The Family Law Clinic provides free legal services to individuals needing representation in a wide variety of family law matters. The caseload may include both contested and uncontested divorces; establishment, modification and enforcement of child and spousal support; custody and visitation cases; international child abduction cases; adoptions; and litigation on behalf of victims of domestic violence. Students may also serve as court-appointed law guardians for children in termination of parental rights cases and custody and visitation cases.

The work includes interviewing, investigation, legal research, motion practice, discovery, negotiation, preparation of lay and expert witnesses, contested and uncontested trials and hearings, oral argument of motions, and the preparation of trial and appellate briefs. Students work under the supervision of the clinical professors, but assume primary responsibility for their assigned cases, including court appearances.

The Rutgers Cambden Campus also has a Child and Family Law Clinic.

To contact either school's clinic, I would just call the law school's main number and asked to be transfered to the Family Law Clinic.

Also, lawyers are encouraged to do pro bono (gratis) work for those who can't afford legal services and some states even require that lawyers have a certain number of pro bono hours a year. Here is a link to various pro bono organizations in NJ. http://www.legalhandle.com/pro-bono-attorneys-New-Jersey.html


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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