If a man beat up his wife and she was lying on the floor bleeding from a fresh beating would you believe him if he said he had "changed?" Maybe he changed his socks, but if he doesn't "change" his wife beating is he any good?

your absolutely right with the rest of u r letter there was so much I learned from mb since we started I honestly was so stupid we both agree we both were stupid we were affairs looking 4 place 2 happen. as far as why I did it honestly I never intended 2 hurt anyone with my behavior I honestly still don't want 2 hurt anyone. Especially my wife, I had no idea affairs could be so devastating.back 2 that question I tried soul searching & I don't have a valid reason other than a habit/didn't want 2 keep hurting people. I just want 2 get on with building a new relationship with my wife & stop wallowing in the past that cant be changed & put all that negative energy 2 positive new relationship.

I somehow doubt that or you wouldn't have been dumb and thoughtless by maintaining contact with POSOW.


If you have been in contact with OW in person or in other ways your wife does not know of yet, you best puke it up to your BW NOW. To still try and cover your a$$, while she saves money for a polygraph only to get clobbered by more lies, would be ROYALLY effed up and plain SICK after all you have put her through. I don't believe you ended a 12 yr affair with a skank that still lives close by. POSOW could have easily driven to you since Dday1.

If there is more to tell and you have ANY hope of saving your marriage, confess whatever other garbage there is to tell...PRONTO!!

U R absolutely right we have 2 change (I don't like change,change is hard)I told my wife we must change, we both agreed we treated each other so horribly in the past we were walking affairs looking 4 a place 2 happen,we decided that if there was any hope even the smallest hope in either one of us that we need 2 try 2 work on a new relationship, we both agreed that change isn't going 2 be easy their is going 2 be some bumps & bruises along the way, no one is infallible, mistakes are going 2 happen, as long as their is hope or willingness 2 try we want 2 try, that's why we found MB so helpful & hopeful

Can you spell as an adult?

Hard to take an adult seriously that writes as a teen.

I meant I taking this really seriously I didn't realize how serious this situation is that why the screen name.Yes U R right about fessing up if their is anymore garbage & I take this seriously,I happy 2 report their isn't anything 2 fess up 2.

yes I agree I can only use one hand lost some fingers on the other take me time 2 type anything I can use 2 save time sorry.

What you mean is you choose to protect the OW at the expense of your BW. You get that, right??

I agree this would be a wonderful first step to compensate for the lies that the OW told her family about your BW.

What do you say? Will you do this?

Yes I agree 2 give phone # don't understand why I change my # then give it back 2 them!OK thanx 2 all that tried 2 help especially Melony Im leaving tomorrow headed 4 divorce moving out

I don't know how 2 respectfully respond I came here 4 help I don't feel that I have any support I think I If I posted on Craigs list I would have gotten some support or stood outside the grocery store with a bill board that said Im a cheating spouse someone would come up 2 me & offered something of compassion instead I'm disappointed in this sight my wife & I valued so much so I guess again I'm on my own I don't see how 30 min on a computer qualifies any one 2 tell my life storey

You spent less than 5 hours on this forum and gave up.

Are you submitting a letter on behalf of your Wife to be sent to the OW's contacts that were exposed to, so that they can get the true reality of the affair and decimation of your family so that your W will not have to be touted as some crazy psycho who fabricated the events, contrary to what your OW has inevitably spun a ludicrous story about her.

Your W deserves to be exonerated from the betrayal that was further compounded by you notifying the OW in advance.

Will you be doing that immediately and allow her to see the version to be sent out prior to you sending it out?

LTL

We do support your marriage, sir. Very much.

We have offered your betrayed wife a great deal of compassion. MB has a plan that you both must follow in order to recover from an affair.

The first step is no contact for life with the OW. Dr. Harley often recommends moving far away from the site of an affair.

An affair is an addiction. Many of the same chemical reactions take place during an affair that also occur in drug addictions and alcoholism. The way to break an addiction is remove the source of the addiction for the rest of your life.

The first step is to establish no contact with OW for the rest of your life. And you will need to do whatever it takes to ensure that there is no way you can contact her or she can contact you.

Can you do this?

You want compassion???

OMG!!! Are you completely devoid of ANY empathy for what you have put your own W through?

You received support to finally be honest.

You are familiar with No Contact for life with the source of your addiction, which is your affair partner.

You promised NC, then quickly broke that promise.

How can you attempt to offer Just Compensation to your W?

Will your W be able to view your friends cell phone call log?

Will you be sending the letter with your W's approval to validate that she has been traumatized by ongoing lies and betrayal and that the people who got the spun version from your affair partner when you warned her in advance?

A truly repentant man would not be thinking one iota of any compassion he thought he deserved, but would conversely suck it up and do Anything and Everything possible to make up for emotionally raping his traumatized Wife.

That is support to attempt to heal your marriage and beginning to try to heal your W.

Which type of man do you choose to become?

LTL

yes I will fashion a letter, thank u 4 some direction/guidance I'm new 2 the board & looking 4 help.I guess I'm just having a hissy fit, thank u 4 u r response.

That's a start.

There will be so much more from the more well versed vets.

They are Not 1/2 hour pseudo, self proclaimed experts, yet they are stringent in following the best path for recovering a marriage as proven to have a very positive outcome for marital resuscitation, even ones on life support and nearly flat-lined.

The path for True Recovery is very narrow and Must be followed precisely, otherwise more useless suffering will go on and on.

Are you willing to follow the lead provided?

These folks are very good at adhering to Dr. Harleys plan for recovery. Even if/when someone steps outside of the box and suggests steps that do not adhere to Dr. Harleys plan, they will be called out for erroneous information, which can occur when they feel like they are talking to a brick wall.

LTL

yes I agree, thank u I do appreciate everything u done 2 support my wife. yes an affair is an addiction I'm addressing that, YES i CAN DO THIS. wanting & willing Thank u 4 acknowledgement that I'm still a person

Get some sleep and now You think about how else that You can provide the beginnings of providing Extra, Extra-Ordinary Precautions to eliminate any relapse into being drawn into making ANY contact with this OW and how to ensure that You will Affair Proof your side of the marriage.

Think what Your Wife would need.

LTL

yes I want 2 heal my wife trying 2 give her empathy & compassion I acknowledge that this is an addiction yes I'm willing 2 have no contact & I will do this






7v















7

I suggest you go to your wife and tell her you are willing to have a lie detevtor test every 3 months, wiyh questions she chooses, until she feels safe.