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In past wife was OW as well as I OM. Not justifying it but I think she has forgotten it.
No, she thinks it is OK and that you, she, everybody is doing it.
I knew there is no simple remedy. I knew there were questions I hadnt even thought of and answers I didnt want to hear.
Yes I know.
How would one make amends?
There is only two things you can do.
1)First, make sure the BH knows. Perhaps get someone else to contact him and expose you
2) The second thing is to answer all questions and pledge to stay severely away.
In your shoes I would do the following:
I'd get someone, perhaps your brother, to write them a line saying:
"Dear BH, My brother wishes to confess to an extramarital A with your DW over the period of time x/x/x to x/x/x . Some of the dates he was with your wife are for example, the night of x/x/x, the day of x/x/x and the weekend of x/x/x when she told you she was really at x. She was not.
Mr brother, (full name) knew your wife/met your wife at xxxx and began their relationship as friends/colleagues/whatever. The A ended due to x, instigated by x. He wishes to come clean because he since married and has been the victim of an affair himself.
He has asked me to contact you on his behalf because he feels direct contact may be more offensive and hurtful to you. However he is contactable on his cell phone/landline xxxxxxx and will answer any questions you chose to put to him. I am very sorry to be the bearer of such bad news.
Kind regards, Brother