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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Hosea1968
Here is the letter I am currently working on:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of WS and me. I am saddened to have discovered that she has been carrying on an affair with a girlfriend � OW, who resides in Location since September 2011. OW is also married and has young children.

WS refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my wife, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

OWH, the husband of OW, has threatened to kill my wife, to kill me, to kill our children and to kill OW if they continue to communicate � and still WS insists on maintaining 15+ hours weekly of voice contact, 2-3 weekly shopping trips and long weekly bike rides with OW � in addition to school field trips together. My wife asked me not to file orders of protection against OWH and OW because she didn�t want this affair to come to light. (OW has had a previous relationship with another woman named M and has admitted that she is bisexual and is in love with WS.)

I have the proof of my statements if anyone needs to see them.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with WS to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

All of WS�s friends who know about it (except one) have told her to end the relationship. To Bad Friend, I just want to remind you that by encouraging her friendship and association with OW, you are enabling the affair � and you bear that guilt before God.

Our marriage can survive and recover from this affair � but first the affair, the friendship and the association with OW must end. Only then can our healing begin.

I would appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

I really like that!! Good job, Hosea! smile
Is this the letter you're asking about?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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What about writing Dr. Harley?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Hosea1968
Here is the letter I am currently working on:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of WS and me. I am saddened to have discovered that she has been carrying on an affair with a girlfriend � OW, who resides in Location since September 2011. OW is also married and has young children.

WS refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my wife, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

OWH, the husband of OW, has threatened to kill my wife, to kill me, to kill our children and to kill OW if they continue to communicate � and still WS insists on maintaining 15+ hours weekly of voice contact, 2-3 weekly shopping trips and long weekly bike rides with OW � in addition to school field trips together. My wife asked me not to file orders of protection against OWH and OW because she didn�t want this affair to come to light. (OW has had a previous relationship with another woman named M and has admitted that she is bisexual and is in love with WS.)

I have the proof of my statements if anyone needs to see them.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with WS to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

All of WS�s friends who know about it (except one) have told her to end the relationship. To Bad Friend, I just want to remind you that by encouraging her friendship and association with OW, you are enabling the affair � and you bear that guilt before God.

Our marriage can survive and recover from this affair � but first the affair, the friendship and the association with OW must end. Only then can our healing begin.

I would appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

I really like that!! Good job, Hosea! smile
Is this the letter you're asking about?

Yes.

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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
What about writing Dr. Harley?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I'll be on the radio program. I'm being interviewed tomorrow. I don't know if it's live or recorded.

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Originally Posted by Hosea1968
I'll be on the radio program. I'm being interviewed tomorrow. I don't know if it's live or recorded.
It is both live and recorded. It replays until the next new show. You can listen to it by following the link on the homepage at www.marriagebuilders.com, or by downloading the free mobile app on your smartphone.


me-65
wife-61
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DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Btw: I'm Mark. If you listen to the program, Dr. Harley does not suggest full-exposure and instead recommended avoiding love busters and winning back her heart. I found that quite interesting.

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He said you lacked sufficient current evidence to expose. If you had the evidence to prove a current affair, the advice would have been to expose.


me-65
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DS - 32, still living with us
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Originally Posted by Hosea1968
Btw: I'm Mark. If you listen to the program, Dr. Harley does not suggest full-exposure and instead recommended avoiding love busters and winning back her heart. I found that quite interesting.

Oh no. I heard the entire show. He told you to expose the affair but get good evidence first. Did you get the evidence?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Her phone (texts), email, facebook are all locked out. I have her call logs - but they only prove time spent (and she also talked about getting a pre-paid phone recently).

Short of hiring a PI, I don't know how to find any proof.

All proof that I have is from 3 years ago. They've been "squeaky clean" since 2012.

Last edited by Hosea1968; 07/10/14 12:36 PM.
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Have you tried planting a VAR in her car? If she is going over to OW's house so often she is probably calling her on the phone in the car on the way there.


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Hosea,

Her phone (texts), email, facebook are all locked out. I have her call logs - but they only prove time spent (and she also talked about getting a pre-paid phone recently).

You realize your W is still a WW?

Did you ever strongly suggest to the OW that she stay away from your WW and that any contact is an assault on your children and yourself.

God Bless
Gamma

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Originally Posted by Hosea1968
Her phone (texts), email, facebook are all locked out. I have her call logs - but they only prove time spent (and she also talked about getting a pre-paid phone recently).

Short of hiring a PI, I don't know how to find any proof.

All proof that I have is from 3 years ago. They've been "squeaky clean" since 2012.

I would hire a PI. It usually doesn't take this long for a BS to get the evidence so I would step it up since you haven't been successful. Most pi's can get everything you need in 2 days.

Have you gone through the operation investigate forum for solutions? If she has an iPhone there are ways to get her texts.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Here's the full show for 7-09-14.
Radio Clip of Hosea1968's Show


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I'm looking for software that can retrieve texts, facebook chat and email from her phone - but I don't know the password to her phone. It's an Android RAZR. She is on it *constantly*.

I have the call and text logs, but I can't see the content of the messages or the facebook chats. I also can't see the email use and I don't know who she is facebook chatting with (I mean, I know, but I don't *know* - you know?). wink

I am looking at "Recovery Stick" and "Xtractr" - both claim to be able to access the details of the phone with a physical connection, even if the password is not known.

Right now, I couldn't sneak $180 out of our budget if I tried, so I'll have to save up.

And finding a PI? I'm working on that. But, again, the money situation...

Open to ideas...

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Originally Posted by Hosea1968
Open to ideas...


Is there a PC at home that you could put a keylogger on? I think one of those would set you back $20-40.

Can you check for the fingertip smears on the phone and try to guess the password or look over her shoulder?

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walrus #2811879 07/24/14 09:05 AM
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Her phone is with AT&T.

She is very careful not to let me look over her shoulder. I have caught her a few times - but she changes the password on a weekly basis. She's very paranoid because I got into her phone once before and now she is exceedingly careful.

She has also not been getting close to me at all. Before, she was sitting snuggled against me and I looked over her shoulder. Now, she won't get that close or won't use her phone around me.

She's also avoiding using the computers anymore. She does everything on her phone.

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Originally Posted by FightTheFight
Have you tried planting a VAR in her car? If she is going over to OW's house so often she is probably calling her on the phone in the car on the way there.

Did you do this?


Me (42)
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When she goes to the OW's house, she runs or bikes. They are workout partners, so there's always a different set of clothes, specific gear that they carry, etc.

I thought of bugging her purse - but she doesn't take it very often.

She does talk on the phone in the car - but most of the time she spends talking while she's in the house with the kids and she's wandering from room-to-room. (My kids have provided me a lot of information - but a lot of her conversation is "Ah huh. Yes. Yeah. Okay. No. Absolutely." I've eavesdropped and she is doing a lot of listening and very little talking.

It is her texts and her Facebook messages that I need to read - and if there was some way to record her phone conversations.

Since she uses her phone as he exercise tool, I can't even get a micro-bug for it, because it's in and out of the case several times a day and it would be discovered/dislodged.

I basically need some kind of FBI/NSA/CIA equipment - and I certainly can't afford that level of surveillance.

When the meet up, they are biking, swimming, running, working out or going to the library - none of which are easy to surveil.


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