|
|
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46 |
Told Grandma. She is obviously devastated. She said she would not confront WW until we talked again, but I think the only way to get through to WW is that WW knows I told Grandma and Grandma has all the details.
I also have the phone number of the OM's mother, where my wife has been going, even with the kids at times. I'm guessing no one is off limits to exposure? Keep in mind OM's mother is a huge advocate of her son and will back him over anyone else.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
Told Grandma. She is obviously devastated. She said she would not confront WW until we talked again, but I think the only way to get through to WW is that WW knows I told Grandma and Grandma has all the details.
I also have the phone number of the OM's mother, where my wife has been going, even with the kids at times. I'm guessing no one is off limits to exposure? Keep in mind OM's mother is a huge advocate of her son and will back him over anyone else. Did you ask Grandma to talk to your WW and ask her to stop her affair? You need people to put pressure on her to stop her affair. OM's mother and father should've been one of the first people you expose to. Whom on OM's side have you exposed to?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46 |
Told Grandma. She is obviously devastated. She said she would not confront WW until we talked again, but I think the only way to get through to WW is that WW knows I told Grandma and Grandma has all the details.
I also have the phone number of the OM's mother, where my wife has been going, even with the kids at times. I'm guessing no one is off limits to exposure? Keep in mind OM's mother is a huge advocate of her son and will back him over anyone else. Whom on OM's side have you exposed to? No one as I don't know them. And they'd back up his behavior anyway. OM's mother has been harboring my wife at her house, so she obviously knows something. My message would be "please make the ethical choice and stop condoning this behavior."
Last edited by PeteF; 01/15/15 05:45 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
This is what you say. Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. He is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.
She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.
As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.
Warmest regards, Have you not read the Exposure thread? Exposure 101
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46 |
Some really positive things over the weekend. She cancelled her lawyer meeting today, said she wants to go back to therapy with me, sent another no contact letter, wanted back in the same bed which is how we're now sleeping, making plans for the future, and says she is taking EPs to avoid OM. It seems exposing to those closest to her may have worked.
While I cannot argue with this, the sudden change of heart is surprising. It just feels SO GOOD after feeling SO BAD for 2 months. Working hard on meeting the EMs and hoping for no relapse!
Last edited by PeteF; 01/19/15 06:34 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
No one as I don't know them. And they'd back up his behavior anyway. OM's mother has been harboring my wife at her house, so she obviously knows something. My message would be "please make the ethical choice and stop condoning this behavior." Did you personally speak to the OM's mother and tell her the full truth?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46 |
[
No one as I don't know them. And they'd back up his behavior anyway. OM's mother has been harboring my wife at her house, so she obviously knows something. My message would be "please make the ethical choice and stop condoning this behavior." Did you personally speak to the OM's mother and tell her the full truth? She already knows the whole truth and is 100% backing her son. She wants my kids as her new grandkids. Sickening.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
No one as I don't know them. And they'd back up his behavior anyway. OM's mother has been harboring my wife at her house, so she obviously knows something. My message would be "please make the ethical choice and stop condoning this behavior." Did you personally speak to the OM's mother and tell her the full truth? She already knows the whole truth and is 100% backing her son. She wants my kids as her new grandkids. Sickening. She told you this herself?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 577
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 577 |
Be wary of therapy!
Many a wayward have used that as the last excuse. in other words, "i tried, i even went to therapy, it just isnt going to work" or false recovery to get the betrayed off their back.
For the immediate term be skeptical.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 784
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 784 |
PF,
Seriously consider working with Dr Harley's daughter, Jennifer Chalmers as a coach over seeing a therapist together.
BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren
"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 67
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 67 |
Pete,
I just read your thread while looking for something else on the site. I was married to a serial cheater until almost 7 years ago, so I understand the self-doubt you are experiencing.
My question to you is, "Do you want to stay married?"
If not, do whatever you feel like. If you DO want to stay married, then stop all the other crap you have been doing and make a plan. Get input from the vets here on your plan. Then EXECUTE.YOUR.PLAN.
Your plan can save your marriage, and more importantly allow you to get control of yourself and your situation. It seems to me that you are out of control and flailing about. Stop it.
So, do you want to stay married?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 46 |
So, do you want to stay married? Yes. The emotions are starting to calm down and I am able to focus.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 67
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 67 |
OK, good. This is going to need to be YOUR plan, because YOU are the only one you can actually control. A good first step is getting educated on your situation so you can rely on your training when things get tough, and you can be the lighthouse in the fog. So Pete's Plan: 1) Read Everything in this thread : http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2695379#Post26953792) If you can afford it, buy the book "Surviving an Affair" (SAA). Most of the information in the book is on this website, but the organization found in the book makes it handy for reference. 3) Do not engage in any "relationship" talk with your wayward wife (WW) until you have read all of this and put together your plan. Be pleasant, be polite, but do not engage. Right now, she is engaged in a plan to make you look bad to her so she can justify to herself why it is ok to do this to you. Do not give her any ammunition. 4) ...post your progress on educating yourself and we will move on from there.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
822
guests, and
71
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
