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Different time zone will force bf to take care of his responsibilities. No need to contact several times a day if the schedule is solid and nothing urgent happens.

No babysitter is not urgent (his problem to solve), working late when he has to pick up children is also not urgent (his problem to solve). He can plan ahead according to the schedule. Your IM doesn't have to respond immediately to every fart bf sends her (or him, if your brother does it).

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Hi All

My brother has agreed to be the 3rd IM for me! Brilliant. I give it a week smile

I had a really good but strange day yesterday.

BF best friend is managing the various building projects on the house. He came over yesterday and offered to steam clean the pool area for me. He stayed for ages asking me lots of questions, but I kept my answers very brief. He asked if I was coping and I said I am doing great thank you. I am not sure if he was snooping or genuinely concerned. Anyway, i am definetly getting the vibe that BF best friend has the hots for me?? I am not sure but something does not feel right?

Then, my best friend came over yesterday to see me. I can honestly say it was the best tonic EVER. We got glammed up and decided to go out for dinner then dancing. We had such fun. I got approached by so many guys coming over to chat or asking to buy me a drink. I must have had a glow on or something I do not know whats going on I certainly wasn't looking at guys or flirting?! It was so bizarre. Anyway this really really handsome guy started chatting to me and then asked me out on a date but I said no thanks. ARGHHHH, i really wanted to say yes! How bad is that?! He was really softly spoken, polite and so handsome. Then I had a dream that I fell in love with a really quiet man and we were going everywhere and it was amazing.

Its really opened my eyes up to my relationship even more. I just keep thinking how awful BF treated me. I have never really told anyone how awful it was because when you are in the situation you don't realise how bad it is. I read out an old email that BF had sent me about a year ago which was having a go at me about various stuff, and after I read it my best friend started to cry and said CoolB why did you never say anything? WOW. that was a moment. It seemed nothing to me as thats how he was with me. The email was about how i went out too many nights out, how I had hated him for 7 years, how he felt that I owned the house and took over, that I dressed too sexy for work, too much gym and going on corporate lunches with male colleagues. I hardly ever saw my friends, maybe one girls night every 6 weeks or something???

I also put a really great photo of me and my friend out in a bar on instagram stories and he was the first to check it, I thought good. I guess that was a breach of Plan B?!

Anyway I definetly have had an ego boost!!!

Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 02/09/20 08:06 AM.
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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Hi All

My brother has agreed to be the 3rd IM for me! Brilliant. I give it a week smile

Is he taking it seriously? There is no reason it can't last forever if your brother will simply follow the rules. Does he understand his role fully? Did your brother contact your BF and tell him he is the new IM?

CB, I have been an IM many times with the most persistent, overbearing waywards and it is the easiest job in the world if you do it right. All that is necessary is to say "thank you for your message." If the message contains PERTINENT INFORMATION about child visitation or finances it is passed onto you in his words. If not, nothing happens. And you should never send him a message. If you have told your BF no contact, then you should not be in contact.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I also put a really great photo of me and my friend out in a bar on instagram stories and he was the first to check it, I thought good. I guess that was a breach of Plan B?!!

I thought you closed all these holes? think


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thank you Melody

So today BF drops kids off at end of drive, then he forgets DD blanket so he comes back 1 hour later, beeps horn in drive, I got daughter to go out.

Then he sends me a text message asking if I got the blanket which I ignored, then he sent another one saying he is worried that it might blow away please respond and let me know. I ignored both.

BF does not like Plan B.

BF also heard through the children that I had a babysitter Friday and can she please let me know that if I ever need a sitter then he will help. Er no thanks it’s my night with the kids.

Everyday there is something. Want to shout at him, you wanted it like this not me!!!!! It’s awful for me, but for him he hardly gets to see the children, loses his home and has to face people with the shame of his affair.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I also put a really great photo of me and my friend out in a bar on instagram stories and he was the first to check it, I thought good. I guess that was a breach of Plan B?!!

I thought you closed all these holes? think

ahhh - not blocked him on instagram - just feels so weird blocking him right out of my life.

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How did he text you? How important is that blanket?

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You are not in plan B, but you probably know that.

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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
You are not in plan B, but you probably know that.
Yup this ^^^^


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
You are not in plan B, but you probably know that.

OMG this is so hard - I have not initiated any contact with him for 4 weeks. OK so next steps

block him on all social media
block his number

I have already come off all the whatsapp groups...


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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
How did he text you? How important is that blanket?

Not really important - he could have waited and given it to the kids when he saw them overnight Tuesday.

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i cant get away with anything on this site! smile

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
i cant get away with anything on this site! smile
We know that if you follow the Plan you will start to heal and feel sooooo much better.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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From your experience is there any sign that he is struggling?!

To be it feels like he has tried to break Plan B many times?

Missing him / our family frown

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
From your experience is there any sign that he is struggling?!

To be it feels like he has tried to break Plan B many times?

Missing him / our family frown

YOU are breaking Plan B!! Plan B means no contact,but you have left the door wide open. You have contact with him every day! CB, Plan B means shutting the door. He should not be able to reach you if you have gone dark.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
From your experience is there any sign that he is struggling?!

To be it feels like he has tried to break Plan B many times?

Missing him / our family frown

YOU are breaking Plan B!! Plan B means no contact,but you have left the door wide open. You have contact with him every day! CB, Plan B means shutting the door. He should not be able to reach you if you have gone dark.

OK frown

I have unfriended him on facebook.

i have unfollowed on instagram.

I have already come off the whatsapp groups.

Anything else?!




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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
From your experience is there any sign that he is struggling?!

To be it feels like he has tried to break Plan B many times?

Missing him / our family frown

YOU are breaking Plan B!! Plan B means no contact,but you have left the door wide open. You have contact with him every day! CB, Plan B means shutting the door. He should not be able to reach you if you have gone dark.

OK frown

I have unfriended him on facebook.

i have unfollowed on instagram.

I have already come off the whatsapp groups.

Anything else?!


Good girl! Is he still able to text you? What other ways can he contact you?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thank you Melody

It was hard coming off his social media it all feels so final.

The only other way is via text (he text me 2 times yesterday) which I ignored. I am worried though that if I block him he might need to contact me in an emergency re the kids?

I can’t think of any other ways??

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What emergencies do you expect? Just for reference, how many emergencies did you encounter last year?

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Thank you Melody

It was hard coming off his social media it all feels so final.

The only other way is via text (he text me 2 times yesterday) which I ignored. I am worried though that if I block him he might need to contact me in an emergency re the kids?

I can’t think of any other ways??

If he has an emergency, he needs to call the POLICE or an ambulance. If he wants to get a message to you, it has to be through your IM. Plan B means NO contact, not limited, in order to even be effective. You need to close ALL avenues of contact. I am so surprised you still have all these open avenues.

How do you expect him to take this seriously if you don't? It seems like you are not serious and are using this half baked "Plan B" to give him the cold shoulder. That is the worst possible plan. Dr Harley calls this type of PLAN C, which is the worst possible plan.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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