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Did you deliver the Plan B letter?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Did you deliver the Plan B letter?

Hi BrainHurts

Yes I have sent him the letter.

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Originally Posted by BrainHurts

Thanks for sending me this thread on Plan C.

I guess I have left doors open as I am worried about how he feels - will it make him less likely to contact me again ect.... Also I remember when my sister and brother in law separated, they stayed on friendly terms and that was how the rebuilt the marriage. It all feels so final.

The only contact left is my mobile number.....i will block that too frown

I am putting so much trust in this plan. I know that if I had stayed friendly he definetly would have come back.

My son cried again tonight -

Daddy is sad, why won't you let him home?
I said Daddy doesn't want to come home DS.
He does I can tell he does. He is so sad, he tells us he is sad when we are not there, and he is not the same with us at the temporary house as he was when he was at home. He was so much happier.
What if he never comes back? frown

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Do you want him to come back without changing a thing?

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Originally Posted by BrainHurts

Thanks for sending me this thread on Plan C.

I guess I have left doors open as I am worried about how he feels - will it make him less likely to contact me again ect.... Also I remember when my sister and brother in law separated, they stayed on friendly terms and that was how the rebuilt the marriage. It all feels so final.

The only contact left is my mobile number.....i will block that too frown

I am putting so much trust in this plan. I know that if I had stayed friendly he definetly would have come back.

My son cried again tonight -

Daddy is sad, why won't you let him home?
I said Daddy doesn't want to come home DS.
He does I can tell he does. He is so sad, he tells us he is sad when we are not there, and he is not the same with us at the temporary house as he was when he was at home. He was so much happier.
What if he never comes back? frown

Why are you in Plan B?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Do you want him to come back without changing a thing?

Hi Goody2shoes

No I dont, but I cannot just accept that its over if I am honest. Which is silly because I am starting to feel so much better.

I could never go back to how it was, just sometimes I think, was it really that bad? I feel guilty cause DS gets upset. He just woke up and had a little nightmare, Mummy I had a bad dream about you and Daddy.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Originally Posted by BrainHurts

Thanks for sending me this thread on Plan C.

I guess I have left doors open as I am worried about how he feels - will it make him less likely to contact me again ect.... Also I remember when my sister and brother in law separated, they stayed on friendly terms and that was how the rebuilt the marriage. It all feels so final.

The only contact left is my mobile number.....i will block that too frown

I am putting so much trust in this plan. I know that if I had stayed friendly he definetly would have come back.

My son cried again tonight -

Daddy is sad, why won't you let him home?
I said Daddy doesn't want to come home DS.
He does I can tell he does. He is so sad, he tells us he is sad when we are not there, and he is not the same with us at the temporary house as he was when he was at home. He was so much happier.
What if he never comes back? frown

Why are you in Plan B?

Because I couldn't live with BF any longer with how he treated me. I feel a million times better now. I just can't accept its over and worried about that. I am held by fear. Holding out for some sort of miracle. I am doing ok at the moment, but how am I going to handle the first time he takes the kids on holiday, or how do we handle birthdays and Christmas? I am just so sad, but I know I cannot change him and know its not a good future unless things do change.

That said I am loving the protection of Plan B. The nightmares have already stopped. That feeling being around someone when they are just messing you around is so painful.

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If you want to reconcile like you stated in your plan B letter, you might want to hold back with the going out and flirting. You seem to light up when you get attention from other men (also attention from BF friend who does the home improvement doesn't leave you untouched).

If reconciliation is your plan, don't flirt or get emotionally close to other men. Easiest way to fall for another is when you are a dry veggie in the dessert. Any drop of water will do. First get your life in order. When the dust settles (give it 2 years) and reconciliation has not been the result, decide what kind of partner you want.

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If you like plan B now, just wait until you are really in it. Hope your brother has the clear head to be a good firewall.

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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
If you like plan B now, just wait until you are really in it. Hope your brother has the clear head to be a good firewall.

I literally read him all the rules, and made him agree to them before he agreed to doing the role. I think he will be good. He sent an email to BF yesterday to confirm he will be acting as IM. I have heard nothing back today, and he knows unless there is any pertinent info to send then I dont need to hear anything.

Feeling positive.

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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
If you want to reconcile like you stated in your plan B letter, you might want to hold back with the going out and flirting. You seem to light up when you get attention from other men (also attention from BF friend who does the home improvement doesn't leave you untouched).

If reconciliation is your plan, don't flirt or get emotionally close to other men. Easiest way to fall for another is when you are a dry veggie in the dessert. Any drop of water will do. First get your life in order. When the dust settles (give it 2 years) and reconciliation has not been the result, decide what kind of partner you want.

Thanks for posting Goody2Shoes

I just don't know if I can do it anymore frown. This is a man who never wanted to marry me, who told me that he has not been happy with me since DD was born (6 years), who has been meeting up with some woman behind my back, has anger issues , doesnt want to go out and do things with me and is only nice to me when he is drinking. The to top it all off when I asked him to leave after finding out about this affair, tells me he was planning to move out anyway because I would remind him of his affair for the next 20 years and things 'haven't been right anyway'. I mean how much more can I take?

I just want move on now. Going out at the weekend did remind me that there are other men out there. I mean I am just wasting time here, not that I want another relationship far from it, but seriously don't I deserve better?

And seriously, like he has been taking another woman out for lunches/dinners and whatever else whilst I have been sat at home, looking after the house/kids...Him knowing full well that I REALLY wanted him to take me out as I mentioned it often?

So what would he have to say if another man took me out...I mean really?!

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
So what would he have to say if another man took me out...I mean really?!

The advice to stay away from other men is about you not about him. We don't care what he thinks. If you start seeing other men, you will quickly find yourself in a relationship that will make BF look like the Angel Gabriel. You are not emotionally ready to make good decisions at this time.

Besides, if a miracle happens and BF dries out, successfully completes an anger management programme and is ready to step up and do things properly to win your heart, you owe it to your children to give it a try. Remember, they are watching you and learning from you.


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First get your life on track. Then look for a decent man. It is not only your life, but also your children's lives that are touched by your relationships. Get your life in order and your standards up before you possibly stir up the lives of your children.

And what if he does change and has become a suitable candidate for marriage, and you are involved with someone new. Don't make this messier than you can handle.

Just curious.. What is the longest period you were single? Long enough to know what/who you really want? Or did you roll into the next relationship when someone seemingly suitable paid attention? Find out what you want this time.

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Originally Posted by living_well
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
So what would he have to say if another man took me out...I mean really?!

The advice to stay away from other men is about you not about him. We don't care what he thinks. If you start seeing other men, you will quickly find yourself in a relationship that will make BF look like the Angel Gabriel. You are not emotionally ready to make good decisions at this time.

Besides, if a miracle happens and BF dries out, successfully completes an anger management programme and is ready to step up and do things properly to win your heart, you owe it to your children to give it a try. Remember, they are watching you and learning from you.

I remember you telling me Living_Well about protecting my love bank and getting out last summer. I know what you mean now, I couldn't understand at the time because I felt so in love with him. Its just now I am really starting to think more calmly, I am sleeping well and I am functioning quite well without him. I am really coming to my senses. Its making me look at the situation differently. Its like I am really losing respect for him. How could I fall in love with someone who is capable of such actions? I am older and wiser and want better for my children.

I am not sure what it would take for me to have him back? After all the cold shoulder treatment of doing the exact opposite of whatever I said I wanted is just cruel. Its weird its not like he even wanted out, its just he enjoyed punishing me, maybe for rejecting him all those years ago when I had the young babies and rejected him in some sort of way. I am not sure I have any space in my heart for someone who could do that.

I have done so much reading here of people like Mimi, Queenie and Mortarman and oh its hard to stop reading. This place is phenomenal. Some of the stories and things that people have gone through. One thing that always happen is that when the WS sees that the BS is moving on perhaps dating or even thinking they are dating is they come running back.

I have eaten a whole pot of olives and glass of red wine whilst writing this! Kids are at BF house tonight, so having a quiet evening of bath, fire on, Netflix and early bed zzzzzzzz.

Just want to say thank you all for being here the last few weeks. I am not sure how I got through it, but this place saw me through some really dark days and I am hoping this sense of normality stays with me for a little while.

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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Just curious.. What is the longest period you were single? Long enough to know what/who you really want? Or did you roll into the next relationship when someone seemingly suitable paid attention? Find out what you want this time.

I am seriously not interested in getting into a relationship with ANYONE I honestly could not think of anything worse. I was more thinking of just having some harmless fun going out and dating and stuff on the nights the children are at BFs. However, practically I do not need that complication in my life right now.

You have picked up on the fact that yes I am a little weak willed and roll into relationships based on past relationship hurt and times pressures such as biological clocks ect!! However I did truly fall in love with BF and had been single for a year before I met him. I feel no pressure now and if things dont work out with BF i really just want to enjoy this time time being single and sifting through a few suitors. When the time is ready ofcourse.

I just have felt with all this heartache I want to go out and have a little fun. I am fed up of moping. You have one life and all that.....

Thanks again, Goody2shoes. Are you from the UK by the way? Sometimes you post early?

Thank you, Cool B.

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I just do not know how I could ever speak to him again calmly?

How dare you do this to our son? You have not only cheated on me you have cheated on him? He has has nightmares and breakdowns over this how dare you. You can go running to your business partner and your sister who are only interested in keeping you sweet and telling you what you want to hear so they can take your money!! Your children and I loved you for you nothing else. How dare you treat your family like this you POS?

You still carry on contacting all your female friends when I was not even allowed to talk to a man in your presence. Jog on. See you later. Arriverderci.

I will find the children a REAL father one day who will care for them and love them.

This is what I will say to him if he ever dares to talk to me.

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
One thing that always happen is that when the WS sees that the BS is moving on perhaps dating or even thinking they are dating is they come running back.

Yes but you do not want the old BF back!

It is going to take a year, maybe more, for him to see that he has to actually dig in and make changes to himself. He might never get there but you need to give it a chance.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I have eaten a whole pot of olives and glass of red wine whilst writing this! Kids are at BF house tonight, so having a quiet evening of bath, fire on, Netflix and early bed zzzzzzzz.

That's more like it!

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Just want to say thank you all for being here the last few weeks. I am not sure how I got through it, but this place saw me through some really dark days and I am hoping this sense of normality stays with me for a little while.

We have all been there. It gets better from here, it really does.


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Originally Posted by living_well
Yes but you do not want the old BF back!

It is going to take a year, maybe more, for him to see that he has to actually dig in and make changes to himself. He might never get there but you need to give it a chance.

I am under no time pressures. I have my gorgeous children and thats all that matters is being a good mum to them. I think I am doing a pretty good job.

I am worried about my DS he is really struggling with the separation. He came home from football practise - saying I hate Daddy rand he was really upset. He said I am never living with Daddy!! I asked what the argument was about and he wouldn't tell me. We hugged for about 15 minutes. He is such a dear boy. I am worried why my son wont tell me. I didnt bug him i just let him have a cuddle.

Thank you Living_Well smile

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Strange feelings tonight - very subdued. Must be something about Thursdays.

Actually feeling bad for BF. He saw his children Tuesday night, last night he sees his son for an hour who tells him he hates him and doesn't want to live with him. He then goes home to an empty house and doesn't see his kids again til Saturday only for the day. I feel like he has abandoned all of us aswell frown

What is going on???

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