ML,

You just wrote this on another thread:

For me, I choose to have friends who have similar values as me. I choose friends whom I can RESPECT as decent human beings with character. I would not have a cheater for a friend because I value loyalty and honesty. Someone who demonstrates a lack of loyalty and honesty in their own life will certainly demonstrate that same lack in our friendship if given a chance.

How would you then continue to stay with a WS that has turned into a FWS? How do you just drop the above statement? I'm not calling you out, I'm just asking you and anyone else: If I should not keep cheating or former cheating friends then how do I keep a former cheating spouse?

M2L

[email]M@L[/email], a FORMER wayward spouse means they NO LONGER DO IT. You understand that, right?

ok, I think I see the disconnect here so let me approach this another way because I honestly thought it was self evident that there is a HUGE difference between a CHEATER and a FORMER CHEATER. Can you see a difference between these two:

a. a bank robber who goes out every weekend and robs banks

b. a FORMER bank robber who has given up his wicked ways and repented by paying back his debt to society, returning his stolen goods and shown great remorse for his crimes. He apologized to all his victims and made restitution whereever possible

Which one would you choose for a friend? And do you see the difference between the two?

Being a forgiving person, I could FORGIVE person b because they have repented and STOPPED the sin. He has REDEEMED himself and put his crime in the PAST. Person a, however, is still doing the crime, so there would be nothing TO forgive.

I got it and you know - I don't really know where I'm going with this right now. I have so much cold med in me I can't think too well.

I guess to sum it up:

Can you have friends who were cheaters at one time, but are not now? I think you can because once your spouse becomes a F and you work on your M then you and your spouse are friends.

Sorry everyone. Someone should take my keyboard away today.
M2L

Exactly! And I do have friends who are FORMER cheaters. But they have stopped cheating, feel great remorse, and have CHANGED their characters. In fact, I have a very high regard for people who do this. They tend to very GOOD, decent people because they have struggled and overcome their moral failings.