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Use some of Orchid’s reverse babble if he brings up divorce again if you have a good RB response…then turn around and walk away from it. It won’t do any good to stand and argue about it. You won’t change his attitude; he has to do that for himself.

I was proud of myself for my reaction today. He said we were done and that it was over. I brought to his attention that he keeps threatening D. He said that this time it was no threat ... I said "fine - go get the D" and walked off. He stormed downstairs and packed the car, loudly. Then he came in and sat at the breakfast table like nothing ever happened!

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TFC, when he started in on you, it was disrespectful, and you had a perfect opportunity to restate your boundary on manipulation and disrespect. A 180 opportunity was thrust on you without warning. Stunned you, didn’t it?

Is it too late? Can I 180 while he's gone today and tomorrow? Not call him, get off the phone first when he calls, etc. Would this still show him that I won't tolerate being treated like I was this morning?

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BTW, to finish off something you said just yesterday, “Hot and sweaty,” is usually man-speak for what you’d rather he’d have said.

I normally would agree. But it has been a week! The only time we go a week without SF is if he's out of town for longer than that ... but he's been home! My H has a healthy sexual appetite, so his loss of one is very concerning. Though I am trying really hard to blame it on his current stress.

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Unless you ask him (calmly and ready to hear what he says one way or the other), TFC, you’ll never know. I’ll ask again. Where’s that young lady your best friend was missing?

I want to ask him, but I don't want to start another argument. Maybe I'll ask anyway - his reaction is up to him, mine is up to me right?

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I forget. Are you looking at his cell phone records on line? Has there been any activity there? Has he been taking (or making) phone calls in private lately? Any red flags other than a bad attitude lately? Gather all the information you can so you can make as good a determination as possible, okay?

I still check occasionally. The only contact I've noticed is that one TM that he told me about. But who's to say they didn't just get sneakier? I just have to go with what proof I have and the facts are that there is no real evidence of contact.

Thanks for calming me LH!