Men primarily absorb through their "eye gate". In other words, they are more visual and what they "see" goes straight to their heart. There is no way you can be a loving husband to your wife the way God meant you to be when you're filling your heart with darkness of porn. It is disrespectful to your wife and I imagine you have done a lot of damage.

Women primarily absorb through their "ear gate". What they "hear" goes straight to their heart. I imagine you weren't saying very loving things while you were trapped in your porn.

I agree with the others here. There is no magic pill to make your wife's heart turn. Just doing the program and saying, "Look at me, look how good I'm doing, doesn't that mean anything?" doesn't compute with her right now. Why? Because she busted you and thinks you're doing this turnaround because you WERE busted. Not because you wanted to.

She needs to heal from all the damage you've caused. I say focus on getting to the bottom of your own issues so that you can come clean with your wife from an honest and repentant heart. So that you can make her feel safe enough to trust you again. It may take a while or it may be too late.

If I were you, I'd get down on my knees and ask God for forgiveness first and to help mend your marriage and make it one where you guys are seeking after Him first and loving each other the way you're supposed to.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story