I have been thinking..and venting. I dont hate my Wife, I hate what she is doing. I don't hate the other man, I hate his actions also. I fear the furture without my wife, yet i also fear reconciliation without honesty.<BR>Sometimes I can't beleive she is. I confronted her- for the 3rd time- and she says that she planted those emails to see if i was hacking into her computer. she says i have been controlling- never liked her friends, always called and checked upo on her- thought she'd appreciate a phone call at work- her frined i didn't like moved in with us nad then placed caller id and stuff on our phone without even asking! pretended to be my w. says being called my wife made her feel like a possession.<BR>i am not saying i haven't been the most understanding, empathetic person- i haven't.<BR>Hate is a terrible thing- screws with my serenity.when she bought a cell phone, it upset me. when i realized why it upset me- it was because it was something we planned on doing- when it looks like she is doing things without me, ,it hurts. said all we did was fight- and she was right. then again- she was the one who started them- and she admits it. ask why i never hit her- what the hell is going on there.<BR>Don't get me wrong- I miss her terribly and don't want to go on at all. says she wants the family together also- but she can't trust that I have changed. Lif is kinda screwy right now.<BR>I talked to our pastor last nite- said shae was running. I have been in therapy ever since this seperation started- May- and i have entered into an anger mgmt. group because of our issues. <BR>I don't know. Is it obsession? sometimes i think so. Sometimes the gut feelings are everythings gonna be alright- sometimes the dread of being divorced is there. <P>Is there a reply for this stream of conciouness? my spelling does suck, thank you.<P>she also signed up for school when we first seperated- thast hurt. although i nvere have been anything but supportive of her college carrer. always have helped if i could - homework, studytime, everything else. <BR>I dont know- do i sound like a control freak?<BR>are you getting the whole story?<BR>thanks.<BR>