ima, I've BTDT!!!

It's sorta like Dr. Harley says in the article about the WAW (I think)... about how one spouse will eventually stop complaining, and the other will think things are now getting better, when actually the one who stopped complaining feels worse than ever since the reasons they are unhappy are still going on and they are not being addressed or even discussed.

The key is to keep up the complaints... in a respectful way of course. But to keep telling your spouse when you are unhappy about something. And keep saying it. And keep saying it. In a respectful way of course. Just a statement of fact, of how you feel when X happens. State it before it gets to the point of an argument.

Like the article ML just posted.

It kinda goes against some of what we often encourage each other to do here, because we usually try to focus on what the person posting here can do to make their "side of the street" better. But that does *not* mean to "suck it up" or to "shut your mouth", even though it sometimes may sound like it, especially when we here are focusing on encouraging each other to eliminate LBs and meet ENs, to try to get our spouse to feel enough love toward us that they will want to meet our ENs.

But some spouses are just going to be happy that their ENs are being met and that you have stopped complaining.

That's why it's so great when ppl are getting phone counseling with SH. Because he can get a more complete picture, and he applies the entire concept of restoring love and intimacy whereas we each here tend to become focused on our favorite little piece of MB.

It was SH who told me to keep telling my H when I was unhappy. Even if my H called it nagging (as long as I did it respectfully!). Even when ppl here were advising me not to.

It's a fine line. It's best if you are talking to a pro, if you aren't sure how much is not enough and how much is too much.

Sorry for the T/J... it doesn't have to be a T/J, hold, but you probably don't want to try it again in your own M, do you?

me - 47 tired
H - 39 cool
married 2001
DS 8a think
DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy:
(Why is DS7b now a blockhead???)
(Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)