Jeff, the minute you expose to OMW and your/her CO, you won't have to worry about OM again. Sure, your WW will be mad, but she won't leave you because she's mad, she'll leave you for OM. Once OM is out of the picture, you have no worries. I exposed to my WW's employer. Afterwards, she was FULL of venom. "I was thinking of working things out with you until you put my career at risk. Now we're getting divorced." Guess what? I'm still married. It all blew over in a couple of weeks. And I imaging your situation will be the same once OM and your WW are no longer allowed to contact each other. The anger will blow over. However, your WW's flip-flopping will continue indefinitely until you expose.

There is a reason the Army has these rules. It's not up to you to enable to wife to continue to break them. Even if you didn't want to expose, you should blow the whistle anyway.