I am going to play devils advocate here. You don't have to explain your marriage to OM's W. If she has a specific incident she wants to check with you, then fine tell her. However, you might want to consider that he has convinced her that you are nuts and is using her to try and get information from you so that he knows what is coming. Your W might be in on this as well as she is still talking to OM.

I hate to be cautious here, but I think until the investigation takes place you need to just sit back and do your job. OM's W is going to find out about the investigation and the results so what you say or don't say will not aid her situation at this point.

I gather from your detailed history that it is likely the OM and your W hooked up in OCS and that at that point he was in her CoC. Is that right? If so you need to transmit that info to the powers that be. Also it is possible that other trainee's were aware of the affair. Most won't like having to lie for her and risk their careers. You might get some very good leverage from this.

Be cool, be quiet, and take care of business where you are.

God Bless,