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Hey Gurka - So is her little brother living with her while she attends OBC??? Sounds like that will add more to your WW's plate... I still think you going home ASAP would be a good thing. If your BIL is living with her, then it would be "easier" if you were all together at Ft. Polk.

I completely understand about your LB taking a beating... Just remember, when she's mean and nasty to you, try not to take it personnally.

Semper Fi,

RIF


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About going home ......
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
Yeah I know. It's just a little scary going back and putting it all on the line.
You've sort of have a safe haven from the torture of a WS doing this long distance Plan A.

but

you've survived this far!

Now, you need to get home and finish your plan.

You've learned how to deal with the words from your WW.
Read up on recovery from an A, try to stay one step ahead of the plan.

Look for a thread called 'False Recoveries', by Pepperband.
Use what others have said as a guide to a successful R.


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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The more I think of this, the more positive I feel about your situation. And listen, I was not feeling good about your situation just last week. However, there are a few good signs. If you get that dog to her quickly, it will be a HUGE love bank deposit. It will show your WW that you do in fact have a soul after all, and you do care about her, it's not just talk. Secondly, if her brother moves in with her, that will be another positive development. First of all, live-in teenage brothers tend to ward off prospective OM. It's like putting a scarecrow in the field. Also, your WW will probably not feel comfortable getting her needs met by other men with her brother near by. After all, brothers tend to rat you out to parents and I'm sure she knows her mom disapproves of her current behavior. There are certain things I wouldn't do in front of my siblings, just because I wouldn't want it getting back to my parents and having to hear about it (i.e. miss church, my parents would not shut up if they knew I skipped mass). It also helps if her brother likes you as well.

Now she's talking to you again as well, and for 40 minutes! Just keep up the good work. When will you be getting back home?


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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She called me again today to talk about the dog. This time there was NO LB from either side, but a casual, friendly conversation about how to get the dog to her. She told me she's picking up her brother next weekend at the airport in Phoenix, so she's not sure when she can get the dog. My parents are very opposed to shipping\transporting the dog by air. She said she didn't even have a place for her brother to sleep yet, that they didn't make futons that for 6'4" people. I told her I'd talk with my parents and let her know. At the end there was a long awkward silence, I asked if there was anything else and she mumbled no. So I said "Ok, talk to you later, have a good night!" and hung up.

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Things are definitely looking up.

She's over most of her anger and is now willing to let you meet her ENs.

You're doing great.

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I don't know, she was really really angry yesterday morning.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I don't know, she was really really angry yesterday morning.

Yes, but she's talking to you... opened herself up to you.... called you again today and shared things that are going on in her life.

You need to make a list of things you can talk to her about the next time she calls to fill in those awkward silences.

Conversation is usually THE number one top need for women.

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Originally Posted by Marshmallow
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I don't know, she was really really angry yesterday morning.

Yes, but she's talking to you... opened herself up to you.... called you again today and shared things that are going on in her life.

You need to make a list of things you can talk to her about the next time she calls to fill in those awkward silences.

Conversation is usually THE number one top need for women.

Exactly, just like you got material ready for your emails, you need to plan to talk about stuff with your WW when you are on the phone with her. Figure out what her interests are, research those interests, and then smoothly transition to conversation into one of those topics. Back when I was working on my situation, my WW was into celebrity gossip. I would check out TMZ before I got home or would look at OK!, Intouch, or US Weekly when I was at the store and when I got home I would say, "Guess who just broke up?" I know, as a man, it is painful to admit, but it met her need for conversation and slowly engaged her back in the relationship.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Hey Gurka!

Yep, things are definitely looking better... and I agree with Jim, look for things that she likes to talk about and study up on it before you call...

I think that going home as soon as you can will really help your situation.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Hey Gurka - Just checking in to see how you're doing...

Semper Fi,

RIF

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I'm ok. Haven't talked to WW today. My parents are working to get the dog to her. I'll wait for her to talk to me, I don't feel motivated to initiate any more contact with her.

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I'll wait for her to talk to me, I don't feel motivated to initiate any more contact with her.


Hey Gurka - Probably a good thing to wait and let her contact you. Hope things are going well for you. How soon can you finish your tour and go home?

Semper Fi,

RIF

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End of July.

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Hopefully that will give you another 8 weeks of meeting your WW's needs before you get back to soften her up for possible reconciliation when you get back. I realize how mentally draining and fatiguing plan A can be. However, you need to muster up all the strength you have to continue if you want to save your marriage. Prepare for your next interaction with her and have something conversational to talk about.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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You are doing very, very well, and under almost impossible conditions. Keep it up, and stay safe.

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Originally Posted by believer
You are doing very, very well, and under almost impossible conditions. Keep it up, and stay safe.

Ditto!

July is just around the corner!

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Good Evening Gurka!

Hope you had a good Friday today... Two months isn't that bad... it will go by quickly.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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At this point I have no expectation of being able to save my marriage when I get back to the states. The only thing WW talks about is divorce. I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall here.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
At this point I have no expectation of being able to save my marriage when I get back to the states. The only thing WW talks about is divorce. I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall here.

Find a way to change the subject and get her talking about something else. Be creative. Find a way to meet her need for conversation.

If at the end of all this she still wants to divorce you even though you are willing to work on things, then she isn't the type of person you want to be married to anyway and you dodged a bullet.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Quote
If at the end of all this she still wants to divorce you even though you are willing to work on things, then she isn't the type of person you want to be married to anyway and you dodged a bullet.


Hey Gurka - I agree with Jim... if your efforts don't have any effect on her, then you will know that you've done everything possible to try and save your M... You can't force her, and if she ddoesn't want to work on the M with you, then you will be MUCH better off without her.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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