DH is back in withdrawal again. He's here, but he's not here, KWIM? We're still doing stuff together as a family and he's not pushing me away when I try to cuddle with him on the couch, but he doesn't reciprocate. He did reject my advances for SF Friday night, and I haven't tried again nor has he shown any interest. We talk about stuff about the house and financial stuff but that's about it.

Regardless I started working on a gift for him. I'd read one another post about the compliments A-Z thing - I went and bought a small journal and have started working on that - making a little book for him of not just compliments, but things that remind me of him - songs, places, things, etc. Our anniversary is next month so originally thought about giving it to him then, but may give it to him before. Have another idea for the anniversary - I want to buy him a new wedding ring and give it to him while we're away. We're going to the mountains and we'll probably do some hiking - I thought about giving it to him while we're there, I don't know, up on a mountaintop or something....he may not want to wear it and may not accept it...good idea or bad idea?

I'm going to go ahead and try to set up coaching with the Harleys this week, for me at least. I have one more appointment with our counselor, he'd suggested leaving one more appointment on the books in case DH decided he wanted to join me. But I agree with DH, counseling - or at least our counselor's approach - is not really helping. The counselor feels like DH is sitting on the fence, he's stuck, and he is comfortable where he's at. He said it's not even a matter right now of DH trusting me, it's that DH has to decide to trust in God, that whatever happens that God is strong enough to bring him through it. He (the counselor) had heard of the Harleys' work, although he just mentioned HNHN...I asked if it would be helpful for us to work through it and he said it wouldn't do any good if DH did not want to apply it, or something to that effect.

I just need to somehow deal with the feelings I have of rejection. Focus on the fact that he's still here, he hasn't left, at least physically.

EDIT TO ADD: No kiss goodbye this morning. He allows me to be close to him but doesn't initiate anything. If I go to kiss him, he keeps his face turned from me. Folds his hands on his chest and keeps them there tight if I'm curled up next to him in bed. It's so frustrating, I know I brought this on myself but I can't help feeling hurt. It's like trying to love a rock.

I'm still working on my A-Z book. Both DD's saw me working on it yesterday, they were so funny. DD #1 asked if I was making Daddy an alphabet book because he can't remember his alphabet. DD #2 said matter-of-factly, "Oh, yeah, I forget my alphabet all the time." DD #2 almost spoiled the suprise, DH was telling her that if she'd eat all her dinner he'd give her a suprise, and she says, "OOH! Like Mommy is making a suprise for you?" I told her shh! and whispered that it was a secret! smile

Told him I had meeting scheduled today and may not be able to get home for lunch. Not looking forward to said meetings as I actually have to focus on work, otherwise I'd be doing the same thing I do every day and obsessing over this forum and trying to find a way to help him/us.

FYI - our email addresses at work changed over the weekend - I couldn't change my work email before. OM never emailed me at work but now that's just one more way contact is impossible.

I'm looking forward to going away our anniversary weekend, but a big part of me is afraid he'll back out and decide not to go.

We did watch one of the shows we regularly DVR last night and made snarky comments about it like we've always done, we go all "Mystery Science Theater" on it and DH is a hoot.

I got out yesterday and worked in the yard, helping clean up some limbs that had gotten knocked down when DH was cutting trees. He had actually gone to get a part for one of the cars and when he came home I was out there working. Both DD's had been out with me earlier but both got tired and quit (DD#1 quit first, she had to wash her hand about 3 times b/c they got sticky with sap, then at one point she disappeared inside the house and reappeared with a popsicle - sat down and watched me and DD#2 work - DH said she was going to grow up to be a boss, lol!)

I miss him.

Last edited by wulffpack_girl; 09/27/10 07:00 AM.


"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson