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And I remind you, he threatened divorce over this, not me, so I don't see how you can figure that he won't be honest out of fear of me leaving? He was leaving me if I didn't just 'suck it up!' That's not someone who is afraid of being left, that's someone who wants to have their way. At all cost.

At the risk of both sounding like Captain obvious and telling you something you already know, Hold's quote was super-easy to apply to your situation. He would be resistant to RH because it stands in the way of him getting his way. And if it's choosing between you and getting his way, well, the answer is obvious.

I don't remember, have you read the When to Call It Quits article? The family in that article reconciled. If you have the choice of
  1. living the next five years like this and taking those steps and
  2. taking those steps now
what are the pros and cons of each? Maybe you're like the man dealing with no SF in the 3rd article, a soggy potato chip is better than no potato chip. BTDT! I guess it takes what it takes. I'm still praying and hoping for a happy outcome for you guys.

Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010