SH told us that he attended a men's retreat one weekend before our appt, this was following the church group fiasco with GNO. He asked me if I was surprised by that. I said no, that I imagined he had a pretty solid marriage that allowed for that. My H said, "Ah-ha!" SH went on to explain to my H that he would not have gone if his wife had objected to it at all, and that there was a man he knew (it was a church thing) whose marriage was struggling, who was there, and Steve was thinking, man, what are you doing HERE? You should be HOME.

I would not want my H home all the time. I do want him to sleep here. I do not think this is wrong or misguided or controlling.

I'd like some opinions on something else he said last night. He said that it would be easier on him if I got all-out angry when I'm displeased with something he's done. My usual MO of being loving and telling him I love him while telling him what displeases me confuses him and he does not know how to react. He said he thinks I don't love him when I'm complaining, so for me to act as if I do confuses him, and he doesn't know how to react. I told him that I do love him even when I'm unhappy with him. He doesn't understand how that is possible.

He's PD?

He said it is easier for him to feel loving during a disagreement if we do the holding-hands thing during the discussion, but like I said before, it is a long struggle to get him to participate. I know you folks can't diagnose, but this sounds so black-and-white, he doesn't understand how you love someone and still be angry with them? I do not see him being so cut and dried with others, but I rarely ever see him get angry with others, only with me and the kids. It has to be some form of PD to not be able to see how you can be frustrated/angry with someone and still love them.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)