I think it would be dishonest of me to not let him know that his decision about how to handle it caused me to lose respect for him. I didn't actually SAY that specifically, though, but I did say that I respected people who were upfront.

I think it depends on your/my H's definition of 'fly off the handle' as to whether or not I do, or my H perceives me doing so. I don't think I do, and I don't think I ever have as an initial response. I know in the past I have gotten all-out POd and resorted to yelling, as a frustration response to not being heard, but I don't have to be louder anymore to feel like I've said what I needed to say, and I don't own 'not being heard' as within my control. I say what I have to say calmly. Listening is someone else's job.

I can see the advice-giving point if I'd said that I thought he should handle it another way. I asked him if he wanted to be treated the same way. What if he said Yes, that is exactly how I'd want to be treated? What could I possibly say from there? There is no advice to be given from that point. My intention was only to encourage him to be INTENTIONAL himself, and honest with himself about who he intended to be in this interaction.