Originally Posted by sunnydaze53
Smiling Woman,

Three years ago, I would have agreed with you. That thought seems utterly ridiculous. The problem was the thought of living in a marriage where you are not put first (or second or third or tenth)is draining.

I certainly know this is true. I lived it myself. Lived with a man for 26 years who is 20 times worse than CWMI's dh on his worst day. I would have loved it had his biggest fault been that he worked too much. I would still be married to him and my son's FOO would be intact.

Originally Posted by sunnydaze53
It seems to me, she has several options

1. Request and receive the best counseling available (check)

2. Continue to live in a relationship that she finds disrespectful and dissatisfying (check)

3. Seperate or divorce

Right now she is as number 2. I was there.

My DH's "other woman" was his work and all the "fun" activities that were related to his work. I should have made my needs clear and defended my boundaries like CWMI is doing. Maybe she isn't as subtle and kind as she could be but she has been doing this awhile

AND she is in conflict which means she hasn't withdrawn


I am not suggesting CWMI should NOT make her needs known to him. Or that she should begin pretending that she is good with how things are.

However, I do think that divorce is hard. It is hard for everyone and everyone loses so much more than they would by just putting up with one another's faults--to a point. And I guess that is where my opinions differ. I took a lot off my WXH, but when I found out about his affairs I divorced him.