Originally Posted by sunnydaze53
If you agree that she should make her complaints known and enforce her boundaries then please explain how she is to do this if she isn't willing to leave?

I'm not trying to be snarky because I haven't figured that out yet for myself.

And Bubbles, maybe you are right, maybe she is DJing about future events and his motivations. How does one stop doing that when it has been proven to be true again and again?

If you read Charlie Brown, Lucy always removes the football before he can kick it. How long is he supposed to keep trying?

The reason I feel so attached to this situation is because I still feel like she is doing right what I did wrong. After my A, everyone, friends and family alike told me I should have left if I was unhappy, HOWEVER, knowing my friends and family like I do, I would expect a similar response to what CWMI is doing.

It isn't an either or situation. You didn't have to leave or have an affair. You could have made your life with a man who was not an ideal husband. And just because MY marriage failed doesn't mean all of those kinds of marriages have to fail. If you had recognized your lonliness and therefore potential for an affair you would have put EP in place. It is what I did when I was married to a man who I felt put me last. I raised my son, I worshipped my God, I loved my family and friends, I associated with my congregation.

I used to have what I called 'kindness dreams.' Without fail every time my then husband would be mean to me I would go to sleep and dream another man was kind to me. I would wake up and be so amused. It helped me be aware of how he was affecting me.

Originally Posted by sunnydaze53
Here everyone assumes that if a woman is leaving or has left her husband, there must be another man. That is a documented fact that most women leave for that reason. Maybe that is because it is so drilled into us that leaving for any other reason is unacceptable. We mitigate the pain we are in by delving in to fantasy land....is that better?

With some people IRL, I sincerely believe they are more understanding of me having an A than if I had just left AND that is sad.