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Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
Vasectomy was a great decision for me. Easiest 45 minutes of my life and then a few days of sitting on the couch and drinking beer.

Did wife agree to the vasectomy AND beer drinking? Another fantastic night of avoiding the LB's and meeting each other's needs. It led to some awesome SF and she initiated. What a fun night I must say. I got her some running related stuff on the way home and support her running as long as we agree when and where. I walked in to a perfectly cooked turkey my wife made me for dinner. Kids to bed, more UA, and affection. She mentioned that we can "go to the gym together" after work so I think this is a POJA on working out together, but I must ask because I'm not sure. She had mentioned that we workout different things and I'm aware of that so I'm gonna see if we can agree on what and I don't want her to feel awkward in doing so. The only thing going bad in our lives is staying up WAY too late and being exhausted the next day.

Does the gym offer any type of Aerobic classes? Or, do you have a local MMA dojo that offers a "Combat Cardio" class?

You don't have to do the same resistance training, but a good aerobic program is always a benefit.


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Yes she was enthusiastic to both. You won't be able to pick anything up for the first few days, so keep that in mind.

My wife and I go to the gym together; howhowever, we font work out together because she wants machines and I want free weights.


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t/j to kiltedthrower, can I ask why you prefer free weights?


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Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
My wife and I go to the gym together; howhowever, we font work out together because she wants machines and I want free weights.

We just negotiate what exercises to do, and always either do the same exercise or something next to each other, because our whole point is the UA time, and the exercise is secondary to that. smile


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Depending on the proximity of local parks, or the amount of back yard you have - you could always assemble a "farm boy" home gym consisting of;

2 30ft lengths of 3" rope
1 Large tractor tire
1 10-20lb sledge hammer
1 Keg

Find plans and assemble a chinup bar.

All that, and who needs a gym?


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
t/j to kiltedthrower, can I ask why you prefer free weights?

I'm not KT, but the free weights tone better and make the support muscles work that the weight machines don't.

And, hubby loves that I'll do free weights with him when he's in town. grin When he's out of town I stick to the girly weight machines.


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
t/j to kiltedthrower, can I ask why you prefer free weights?

I could write on teh benefits of machines, but for my goals free weights work better. My workout is typically divided into 2-3 different portions. I have a strength portion in which I primarily concern myself with Olympic lifts, front squat, back squat, deadlift, push press, or dumbbell press. You can't recreate these movements accurately on a machine like you can free weights.

My next workout portion is typically very high intensity metabolism work. As an example, yesterdays workout involved pairing front squats with jumping rope. Or I might run a triple set of burpees (you can google these), dumbbell swings, and chin ups. It�s almost like cardio but with weights. Basically cardio or aerobic work is getting your heart rate up for X amount of time. I can do the same affect but with weights and create an anaerobic environment that burns more calories over all for a longer duration of time than getting bored on a treadmill for 45-60 minutes. And the benefit is you get more done in less time. Check out crossfit.com or crossfitfootball.com for an example of the type of workouts I do (I don�t follow their workouts but mine are similar or based on a lot of the stuff they do). This type of stuff really helps with throwing competitions, playing indoor soccer, and just being really fit. I can get what would normally take me 45-60 minutes done in under 30 minutes. And when you set stuff against the clock, you work faster and harder.

Since I�m now into week 2 of a 12 week competition (like the last one) it behooves me to create as much of a calorie burning environment as possible while building muscle. Doing the machine circuit setup won�t really help me as most if it involves sitting or lying down. But machines are great if you really want to isolate a muscle.

Now I do use machines. I�ll use leg press as an assistance movement after squats. I�ll use the bicep curl machine to if I really want to emphasize the biceps and not worry about engaging other muscles. And I really like the cable machine. One of my other issues is I get really bored sitting on a machine and counting out 10 reps (or how many ever reps you use) and then going to the next machine and doing the same thing.

I�ve also noticed that women �specially love the high intensity stuff. Typically with the female clients I have, I�ll have 1-2 days of typical gym work with a mix of machines and free weights that will take about 30ish minutes with middle reps (no high reps for �toning� There�s no such thing as �toning�. I know what people mean when they say this but tone refers to muscle tone or tonus.) And then I�ll give them a 10 minute �finisher� where they kick their heart rate up into high gear. This helps get them in better shape and get their strength up and some muscle building. Then 1-2 days of real high intensity against the clock type stuff�they usually almost always love these days so much more because it�s challenging and keeps them excited. And the other days gets them excited because they go �Wow! Look! I�m now pressing X lbs and when I started I was only doing X lbs!� Guys do also to some extent like the high intensity stuff but not quite as much as a lot of women do. In fact, if you go and look over at the crossfit.com site, you�ll see a lot of women.

Okay. I think I went off into left field for a simple question lol


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Originally Posted by markos
We just negotiate what exercises to do, and always either do the same exercise or something next to each other, because our whole point is the UA time, and the exercise is secondary to that. smile

Sometimes I think it'd be nice if we did also. But she has absolutely no desire to do my type of workouts and I'd be bored to tears if I did her machine circuit. But I think it's awesome you two have worked this healthy habit into UA time.

One time I was trying to show my wife how to do a clean and jerk. Well, I didn't get my head out of the way in time and smashed the bar into my chin and chipped a nice chunk off one of my teeth. She laughed and said, "Ummmm...no thanks"


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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Depending on the proximity of local parks, or the amount of back yard you have - you could always assemble a "farm boy" home gym consisting of;

2 30ft lengths of 3" rope
1 Large tractor tire
1 10-20lb sledge hammer
1 Keg

Find plans and assemble a chinup bar.

All that, and who needs a gym?

I used to do this type of workouts until we moved and couldn't take the tractor tire with us. Keg throws, sledgehammer swings, tire flips, rope climbing. Maybe when we move back into a house by the end of this year, I'll go get another tractor tire and get back to doing this type of stuff.

It can be hard to get a lot of hypertrophy off this type of workouts is the downside.


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Originally Posted by HopefulNC
And, hubby loves that I'll do free weights with him when he's in town. grin When he's out of town I stick to the girly weight machines.

Quick lesson. No such thing as toning. Tone refers to muscle tone or tonus. I blame Cosmo or some other women's fitness magazine for starting this misnomer of a term.

My exercise physiology professor would threaten to throw things at people when they used the word 'toning'.


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Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Depending on the proximity of local parks, or the amount of back yard you have - you could always assemble a "farm boy" home gym consisting of;

2 30ft lengths of 3" rope
1 Large tractor tire
1 10-20lb sledge hammer
1 Keg

Find plans and assemble a chinup bar.

All that, and who needs a gym?

I used to do this type of workouts until we moved and couldn't take the tractor tire with us. Keg throws, sledgehammer swings, tire flips, rope climbing. Maybe when we move back into a house by the end of this year, I'll go get another tractor tire and get back to doing this type of stuff.

It can be hard to get a lot of hypertrophy off this type of workouts is the downside.

If I get any muscular hypertrophy going, the W will kick me out of bed. She likes trim, but not cut.

I think she's on drugs...


Aaaaaaaaaaanyway... my workout yesterday consisted of 30 minutes of mat work in Judo. Almost nothing else compares to the fatigue that 30 minutes of grappling will put on you.


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Yep hardest thing I ever did was boxing and wrestling. I think I'll stick to weights but after my wife runs her marathon. I'm excited to cheer her on when she crosses that finish line. Admittedly I didn't do that in the past. It's important to have your husband be there when you accomplish something outstanding! I'm totally fine with her training because she IS spending UA with me now!


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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
If I get any muscular hypertrophy going, the W will kick me out of bed. She likes trim, but not cut.

I think she's on drugs...

That made me laugh. I remember when I first started working out, my wife told me she didn't want me getting "all big and gross". It's funny that the 'bigger' I get the more her definition of what "big and gross" is. Of course I'm no where near bodybuilder big. Yet. smile

I also laughed the day I got shredded for my last competition. She hadn't been a huge "yay for abs" kinda girl. Then I had these great abs and she said, "You know, I think I do like abs." We all laughed and high fived.


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Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
[Okay. I think I went off into left field for a simple question lol

Thanks so much for taking the time to answer this, KT. I have done both: machines and free weights and seem to have better results with free weights. Like you, I do use weights with my cardio and it increases the intensity. I have been doing HIIT solely for the reason that it helps my blood sugar. It does increase my appetite, but both aerobics and HIIT bring down the glucose circulating in my blood stream, which helps my insulinism.

I will head over and check out crossfit. Right now I am doing alot of the older Firms and a Cathe Friedrich HIIT.

Sorry for the threadjack!!


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Average night, not a good morning. I have all the same old feelings of me not being important to my wife after last night. Affection shut off like a faucet, she said she was just tired. I sent her a note in the afternoon about "if I put all the kids down tonight and pick up some bath salts on the way home would you be open to taking a bath with me?" She sent a note back, "honestly I'm too tired." We had stayed up late, reasonable request so I shifted to thoughtful mode, picked up some "sleepy tea" for her so she could go to bed early and be well rested. Body language was different the entire night. No affection, little sarcastic(both of us), she sat on the recliner and I sat on the couch. Last night before bed I asked respectfully if we could "make sure and not get complacent", and she agreed. She did make one sarcastic comment last night about the previous night which stuck which was, "well I gave you SF last night and met your needs" as if to say "I gave you loving now I get to take the day off from MB and you should consider yourself lucky." This morning rather than do the stew face I brought it up and mentioned that there was a shift in body language from her and that I had some of the same old feelings as before of not being important to her. Then it began. "Sorry, but its not my fault." "I was tired cause of the kids." "You're reading into it." "If you hadn't of had me stay up late then I wouldn't be so tired." On and on and on. Same thing she always has done in the past which was, "you shouldn't feel this way", and "its not my fault." I admit a "you're crazy woman face slipped out" during an AO by her. She through in a "I can't stand you" comment for good measure. I said, "I don't think we should talk right now" and its been silence ever since. I know it can't be peachy all the time, but needless to say this was very disappointing and a huge step backwards. I can't control her so I'm gonna be a big boy and attempt to do what I need to do to control me. My question is, what do I do from here? How long do I let things blow over and calm down? I'll go read some more in a bit here, gonna work out of the house today so maybe we'll have some time to chat. Stay tuned.


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By the way she did say, "If we don't stay up late for a week and drink wine, then we can hang out comment." I pointed out this was an SD, she didn't like my having done so. To her credit later she said, "How can I respectful ask you not to stay up super late with me?" We've been having fun together so the staying up late seemed natural to me, like if it ain't broke don't fix it. She obviously doesn't want to continue the pattern of staying up late so we need to POJA about it I suppose. I think we also stay up late because it is our only time together during the week. If the kids go down at 8pm and we go to bed at 9pm, then its hard to get enough UA together you know?


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Hill, your posts above are absolutely loaded with disrespectful judgments. At the core, it is obvious that you believe that she is wrong to feel the way she feels.

Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
My question is, what do I do from here? How long do I let things blow over and calm down? I'll go read some more in a bit here, gonna work out of the house today so maybe we'll have some time to chat. Stay tuned.

What do you do? You:

* meet emotional needs
* avoid love busters

What are you planning to do nice for her to meet her emotional needs, today?

If she wants to talk about it, let her talk, and listen, and use the information she provides you to modify your behavior. If she does not want to talk about it, don't talk about it.

I have suggested numerous times that you thank your wife for putting up with you, Hill. Here you are going out committing DJs again. That's a lot for your wife to have to deal with. You should probably express your admiration and appreciation to her for putting up with that.


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Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
By the way she did say, "If we don't stay up late for a week and drink wine, then we can hang out comment." I pointed out this was an SD, she didn't like my having done so. To her credit later she said, "How can I respectful ask you not to stay up super late with me?"

What did you find disrespectful or demanding about the way she asked? It sounded quite respectful to me, like a request, not a demand.

Quote
We've been having fun together so the staying up late seemed natural to me, like if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Okay, your perspective here sounds pretty valid to me, but are you saying that her perspective should not have even been expressed? That she was wrong to suggest change?

Remember to use the policy of joint agreement as your guide. If one of you becomes unenthusiastic about something you are doing, even if it's something you've negotiated before, you immediately STOP DOING IT! and begin negotiating something else. Be creative and brainstorm and look for something that will make you both happy.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

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Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Average night, not a good morning. I have all the same old feelings of me not being important to my wife after last night. Affection shut off like a faucet, she said she was just tired. I sent her a note in the afternoon about "if I put all the kids down tonight and pick up some bath salts on the way home would you be open to taking a bath with me?" She sent a note back, "honestly I'm too tired."

That doesn't seem like a very effective way to squeeze in UA time. If she is tired at that time, that would be the WORST time to schedule UA time. I would plan nights OUT, away from the children, at a time when she is not exhausted. Is she exhausted at 5 or 6pm during the week? Is she exhausted at 1:00 on Saturday? Find good times to schedule UA time away from the kids when you are not tired.


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Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
By the way she did say, "If we don't stay up late for a week and drink wine, then we can hang out comment." I pointed out this was an SD, she didn't like my having done so. To her credit later she said, "How can I respectful ask you not to stay up super late with me?"

HT, that is not a SD. She was telling you she doesn't want to do that. Do you have the book Lovebusters?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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