Hill, can I ask you something?

Where do you want to be a year from now?

You and your wife remind me A LOT of Markos and me. When we first got here, we posted post after post that consisted of "He did THAT to me," or "She's doing this!" Whiny, whiny posts full of frustration and hurt.

We were both committed to doing the program, but we were also both in full Taker mode, and way too busy pointing fingers and wanting to nitpick every single conflict.

Eventually, I quit. I thought our marriage was horrible then, but we REALLY went through hell after that.

Now, a year later, we are finally picking up the pieces and starting over by doing things RIGHT. The really, really sad thing is that we could've had a wonderful marriage a year ago.

This program is not about pointing fingers and talking about how horrible your spouse's LB are. This is not a place to vent and get sympathy. This is a place to work on YOU. This is a program that teaches YOU how to show care for your wife, and how to protect her from yourself. This program doesn't help you to rub your spouse's nose in the wrongs she's committed, nor to demand that she right those wrongs -- rather, it helps you show her how to care for you and to protect you.

When you fill out the LB forms, do so with the mindset that you're helping your spouse protect you. Don't wallow in your hurts, or resent your spouse for hurting you. It can be far, far worse. Trust me.

You're in this together. Help each other. You are not each others' enemy. Follow the program, and learn from each how to care for each other. Do so with gentleness, kindness and self control.

Pointing fingers and having pity parties is not going to cut it.

Where do you want to be a year from now? In love? Or starting over?