Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
My wife wants to postpone meeting needs. I'm not enthusiastic about this. I can understand her not being ready to meet my needs until I show her that I can avoid LBs consistently. The part that feels awful though is that she is ok without having her needs met from me.

Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I'd like to negotiate here because although the most imortamt thing for me is to avoid LBs, I don't think the MB an suggests that you intentionally postpone meeting a spouses needs.

Hill,

My first reaction to these statements is that you are getting impatient again. You are prone to LB's based on your history when you start getting to this point. BE CAREFUL with what you say and do from this point on. And remember, YOU are supposed to worry about YOUR side of the street. You are playing a tit-for-tat game here where you want everything to be equal, "I meet her needs, she meets mine" type situation. You both are not there yet, and not to mention, this is NOT how you should be looking at the MB program. And honestly I don't get the feeling your wife DOESN'T want to meet your needs but is in the process of not only learning how to but feeling SAFE enough with you to meet them. If you LB her again today, that would go against the marriage you're trying to create and put you back at the BEGINNING.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN SIDE OF THE STREET. DO THE PLAN. YOU KNOW THE RULES.

I know you desperately want to feel loved by Grace, and if you hadn't LB'd all over the place these last few months, you'd probably be further along in this process, but that's not the case. You started at square one on Sunday. It's been three days so give it time!

Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
wife sent a text saying it felt weird that I didn't hug her when I left this morning. I told her I thought it was strange she didn't hug me either. I said there was nothing wrong and everything is good. She told me to ask her next time for a hug and yesterday she reminded me to ask her fir things. So I sent her a note back saying, "it would be great if you initiated the affection(hugs) sometimes."

Is is normal that you don't keep your wife posted of your whereabouts? I never leave the house without at least saying goodbye, that way DH doesn't look up and think "Jeez, she was just here, where'd she go??". This is just common courtesy. And hugging her when you leave, just DO IT.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN GRACE.

Don't lecture her about how "it would be great if she did x,y,z". YOU want affection and respect so show HER affection and respect. This will fill her Love Bank, she'll learn what you'd like her to do through your actions and reciprocate.

Oh yeah,

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. <------ Take this to heart.

aBetterMe

Me 33
DH 35
Together 14 years, married 12
Two "furry children" (one cat & one dog)

MB has changed me and changed my life. I am becoming a better person for it, and building a better marriage. MB principles can truly help you create the love and the life you want.