Originally Posted By: Prisca
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
[quote=Prisca]Three questions:
1. Have the two of you filled out your ENQs? Yes but need to be revised.

You have been talking about doing this for a few weeks now. When are you going to do it?

Quote:
2. How many UA hours are you getting a week? 10-15, but not much outside of the couch and TV. We did scrabble the other night which was nice.
3. Are you scheduling UA activities ahead of time? No, this is some of the "push back" I believe I'm receiving from my wife. Everything is just "up in the air" you know?

10-15 hours will not work, and the two of you will more likely just grow more agitated and distant. It takes a MINIMUM of 15 hours to maintain romantic love. That's a MINIMUM. More is better, if you can cut it.

Also, TV doesn't count. And I was the worst at coming around and admitting this. A few months back, ALL I wanted to do was sit in front of the TV with Markos. Why? Because I was in withdrawal, and nothing else sounded enjoyable.

It's already been mentioned that Grace is probably in withdrawal. You're going to have to be the one to step up here and get things going.

Don't push, but start making plans.

Sit down right now and look at this coming week. Where can you fit 15 hours in? Use some of the suggestions on this thread to start getting that time in at home -- don't wait around until you can agree on a babysitter. Start now.

Mention a babysitter to her once a week, and see if she will discuss ideas with you. If not, back off and revisit the issue a week later.

But start scheduling 15 hours anyway. Markos and I get a lot of our time together in the morning while the kids are having breakfast in front of a cartoon. You can do the same in the evening. Just one hour in the morning and one at night will give you 14 hours a week, and you can probably squeeze in another hour or two on the weekend. Take the initiative here and come up with a plan.

Then plan activities for those times. Something you know that she will enjoy. Now, she may not respond immediately, but her love bank is deep in the red and it will take some time before the results may show. So ya'll like scrabble? Schedule it a couple times a week. PLAN for conversations. Start investigating her -- asking her questions (but being prepared for not much of a response at first). You take the initiative and make the plan.

Show her the calendar you've come up with. Ask her if she'd like to make changes. Ask for any input at all. She may have none, and may just brush you off.

When the scheduled time comes, ask her to join in the activity with you. If she doesn't want to, ask what she would like to do instead. Be with her. Talk to her, even if she doesn't respond much.

She eventually will. You are making small deposits in her love bank right now -- they're small because she's in withdrawal. Each one counts though. She'll eventually come out of withdrawal, and you'll be able to make even larger deposits.

Plan the UA time. Start making love bank deposits.


We both filled out the RC Worksheet. There are about 10-15 "6's" in there. Tonight we planned on walking for an hour from 5-6pm and then playing Scrabble from 8-930pm. I put it in the worksheet so we can both see it.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD