I'll talk to her tomorrow morning. I very very likely won't be able to pull off anything like faking trying to be her friend to get her digits, but I have massive amounts of google-fu and at least a dozen more years of history in this hood; I know people, iow. I can volunteer again for the HOA if I need to, then I have access to all the records connected to her house. But I can probably get those anyway. I know where she lives, but I'll have to cruise by to get the house #. Then google will purge it all in my lap. I have actually started with a first name and cell phone number, and ended up with FB, deed records, marriage license and divorce papers, and no, that had nothing to do with my H. I had a name and phone number of someone I'd met once, and looked her up.

So, while I don't think I can pull off anything friendly, I have complete confidence in my ability to scare the crap out of her without ever making a direct threat. At this point, I don't trust her to give me truthful information anyway. She's had months to talk to me.