Did he ever sell those KISS pins?

I know that he sold most of them. I don't know if the money is still in the paypal account or not.

Good question

ETA: I should clarify that he sold the ones that he didn't need.

Interestingly enough, yesterday's radio program was about successful negotiation. I'm still hoping for a win-win here.

And yet today....

I might suggest that posting a gratuitous dj for MB-public consumption would NOT be the optimal way to engender a spirit of cooperation from Kiss.

I was referring to the way Kiss used to post to me on his thread and that it is another manipulative tactic on LongHaul's part. I see many similarities between him and the way Kiss used to be.

I didn't mean it to come across as A DJ to kiss. Kiss is rarely involved on the boards here but his experience here might help another WH if LH wants to visit his thread.

Well, for some reason I am going through a phase right now of woulda-shoulds-coulda's. Too late for regrets, I know. Just wish I had done things differently. Think I would be in a better spot in my healing than I am right now.

Still dealing with triggers. That d&*n car is still in my driveway. We still owe money on it. So, it has cost us money on a "new" car and we need money to get rid of this car. Which he still drives because the new car has no heat. Frustrating.


I'm not looking for solutions. Just feel like I am still slogging through my personal recovery and don't feel like I will ever feel "healed". Healed...what a funny word. As if someone can really heal from 5 months of traumatizing events.
Venting over
Moving forward

...I am going through a phase right now of woulda-shoulds-coulda's. Too late for regrets..Think I would be in a better spot in my healing than I am right now...Still dealing with triggers. That d&*n car is still in my driveway...Just feel like I am still slogging through my personal recovery and don't feel like I will ever feel "healed".

From your epilogue: Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

From today's RC Mass: Hebrews 12:5-6 My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord or lose heart when reproved by him; for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines; he scourges every son he acknowledges.

So maybe your recourse is a prayer that He will love you just a tad less?

Hang in there, RQ!

Yes, I actually made it a point to go to church this past Sunday because I desperately felt I needed to be there in His presence for some healing. It had been awhile since I've gone. So love me a bit less and perhaps stop testing my strength, already? Hmmm..

So many things are beyond my control. Still a work in progress trying to realize what is and what is not and letting go of those that aren't.

What would you have done differently? I am in a phase of woulda-shoulda-coulda too. More, shoulda just divorced and then I'd be done with all this by now and moving on. But since I did not take that course of action, also shoulda done XWZ differently in regards to the plan.

Not that I am about looking in the rearview mirror. It is much smaller than the front window for a reason. But I do think in this case it can identify things that might be lacking NOW. Just because I didn't require H to do counseling with the coaching center right after DDay, for instance, does not mean I can't require it now I guess. Unless, at some point, EP's become demands after a certain timeframe. In which case I'm sure NG or someone will call me out on it.

Just wondering what you are specifically thinking you did not do that you should have. Perhaps something to investigate with regards to your current dissatisfaction.

We must be psychically connected, somehow. LOL. Honestly, it's stupid but has mostly to do with my exposure, how I handled Plan B, that kind of stuff. Now that I have been here awhile, I realize that there was so much more that I could have done or done differently. Things that would make me feel better about the "now".

I think the triggers that I still deal with, the restriction of me being able to talk about the A and the damage it has done to me as well as the lack of our ability to follow the program exactly are all conspiring against me. I'm frustrated and restless

RQ you can't change the past. You can only control how you do things in the future.


I remember how hard it was for me to stop talking about the affair etc, etc. I had to make the choice to stop looking back at hurtful things and to start seeing the good things happening today. I had to make the choice to look forward. If I can do it, I honestly believe that anyone who "chooses to" can do it also.

Tomorrow is another day and another chance to get it right.



ETA: My list of mistakes and things I coulda/shoulda/woulda was about a mile long. It didn't matter once I started to do things the MB way. Hang in there.

Thanks, poker face. I know I need to try harder. It's still a daily struggle and it shouldn't be.

Sister, you just got dude moving in the right direction... things are JUST NOW STARTING.

You just had your first major POJA dispute...


Quit dragging that chain. Pick it up, and do as you have retitled your thread; MOVE FORWARD.

God, HHH, I want to. I really do. But just in the last few days I've had so many triggers that it is ridiculous. For example, the other night kiss brought home wine. He bought Beringers, skank's favorite brand. He is driving around in that car. Today, he didn't call me all day(trigger). I know he is busy getting ready for inventory at the store. Oops, another trigger. And i still wonder if skank will have the audacity to contact him there or if they will run into each other. And so on.


I can't wait to get out of this town. A fresh start, I think, I hope, is what I need. What WE need. It can't happen soon enough for me.

Okay, you were triggered. What did you do?

(RQ: This is not an open-book test!)

Well, he apologized about that wine but t"that was all they had". So I got drunk on it lol.

The car has heat, the new one does not. He knows I don't like it. Heck, he knows I don't like it parked in the driveway but I don't want him to freeze. So I deal with it.

I know he is busy at the store, it's not intentional and he forgot his phone today so no, I won't harp on him about that. Not his fault.

So, the answer is I didn't do anything but try to shrug them off and the bad memories that came with them.

Let me translate:

The wine - You sacrificed. (Although quite honestly, you get high points for NOT smashing him across the face with the bottle at that "all they had" crap!)

The car - You sacrificed. A car without heat either has a blown circulator blower (which I doubt), or a leaking heater core, or hose. That's why they have auto-parts stores!

The phone - Joint effort from here on out "Do you have your phone?" as he's leaving each day.

RH, RH, RH ! These were NOT innocent triggers. These were failures to exercise care. And if you do not insist on protection, well.......

I hope to move soon too.
OM probably had sex with ww in the bed, has been in the marital home and I'm driving the vehicle that they spent a lot of time in together.
I get upset at times but then say, "I can't control her actions" and go on.... But eventually I would like to get rid of the vehicle and out of the house. When I can afford to, get a new bed

About moving forward: recently someone said to me "There is a reason a car has a small rearview mirror and a big front window. Because you should be looking forward much more than you look behind." When I start to think of the history (not just the A's but the other things my little devil of resentment want me to remember so that I know H doesn't deserve to be happy!) I actually think of the big car window. LOL. I'm a dork. But it works for me. I think of the big car window and it causes my mind to focus.

I also like to think about the people who inspire me. There are the negative people who carry resentment and bitterness for years, for every thing that has negatively impacted them in their past. Trudge around, crabby face, well you know my dad died when I was 20 and then I didn't get to go to college, and then blah blah blah (this is my FIL, he is 70+ now, so basically he has wasted a LIFEtime because he is bitter that his dad died when he was young and it changed his life plan). Then there are the people who just have sunshine around them, and no matter what negative thing falls into their lap, they take the small silver lining, count their blessings, and live. The latter are the ones that inspire me. Inspire me to BE that person!

But yep its hard. Big front car window.

But not Kiss's car window. That car needs to GO. And that wine situation was absolutely a complete lack of care. COME ON KISS, there was NO OTHER BOTTLE of wine in the whole store? And there are NO OTHER STORES in all of New York for you to get a bottle of wine from? Make sure you are honest about how inconsiderate that is. Then, big window.

JK, yes, sometimes you can only do what you can until you can afford to do what you need to