Groupon and Livingsocial have some good cheap deals.

Give each other pedicures.
Rearrange the bedroom furniture.
Cook something together... How about some antipasto or learn to make sausage?
Plan a dream vacation... All the details, etc. (you don't have to go on it until later!)
Make up dirty limericks for each other.
Try on all your underwear/lingerie. Try on each others.
Pick a great book and take turns reading to each other.
Get an audio book from the library and take turns giving each other a full massage... Each one has to keep going until chapter ends.
Plan a project together, for when it is warm enough to undertake, or your budget improves.

I don't really read these forums on recovery as I am not there yet. Hopefully with a plan I can be here. Just wanted to wish you luck on your journey of recovery and thanks for the valentines day idea. Here is a site that has some good ideas of couple time. http://archive.lovingyou.com/content/romance/romance101.php
Hope it helps.

Thanks, tranquil!

Make up dirty limericks for each other.

Someday, catwhit, I will get even with you for this! Three days now, with only one obsessive, compulsive, task....

BRIDE - fried, cried, spied, tried, hog-tied, rip-tide, butterflied, ride, glide, guide.....

NEVERGUESSED - lest, messed, sever test, lever pest, forever best (I like that one!).....

I'm a bit worried about things. Kiss had a rough day at work yesterday, so he kind of took it on me. I had texted him around 8 when he was supposed to leave work. He got annoyed with me that I called him at work at 8:45 and questioned why he didn't call like he is supposed to. He said I need to "cut" him "some slack". He was short with me when he got home and wouldn't discuss it how he was feeling with me. He then stayed up until 2 playing video games and slept on the couch.

I feel that he is pushing me away and that we are at odds right now.
I need to get him to open up to me but he won't. And it scares me.

I was sick all night and all day with a stomach bug so haven't had the strength to talk to him more since my attempt last night.

RQ,

IMO, KISS is still not serious about recovery. He has a good week or two and then wants stroked and patted on the back.

I'll bet he still whines about reading Dr. Harley's books. "Oh poor me, I can't read well". Well neither can I... I have to wear a patch just to be able to see a page in a book because I have double vision. I've had several eye muscle surgeries to try to help, but it hasn't.... I press on anyway's and read the MB books over and over again. I also listen to them in my vehicles on CD and I listen to Dr. Harley's radio programs too. KISS still doesn't view recovery as if his life and his marriage depend upon it. And that's why your marriage is barely surviving.

He's still driving around in the car he should have sold on day one of recovery even if it meant giving it to some homeless bum on the street at a major loss. And wonders why you trigger???

He justifies and rationalizes most of his behaviors and wonders why he doesn't have the time for UA time with you. He could easily have got a $3.00 bottle of olive oil and added some essential oil it that you would like the smell of and gave you a body rub while you rested last night. And yes, THAT'S UA time. Instead he chose to withdraw love units at an alarming rate by pouting and playing video games. And to top it all off, he likes to pretend the problems you are suffering with are somehow YOUR issues.

He still doesn't get that HE is the cause of your pain, triggers, viscous memories, and PTSD. He thinks you are some sort of magician that should have gotten over most of this by now.

He didn't call you last night as agreed upon and asks for a little slack??? Seriously??? Slack is all you've been giving him, because he's still a slacker.

I stopped posting to him because I don't believe he's serious about the MB Program, or about recovery. He's making this a tit-for-tat recovery program. you demonstrate you'll meet his needs and he'll meet yours..... The reason our recovery was successful is because I didn't ask my wife to meet any of my needs. She was unable too. She was so devastated by my actions for so long that she was on the verge of collapse everyday. I nursed he back to health using the MB Program of Care & Protection with complete abandon. We would divorced if I had expected much from her. She began meeting my needs at the same rate that her love for me returned. When I recognized this result it made me work with that much more energy. THAT's why I get so furious with KISS and other waywards like him. They don't see anyone except themselves, and until they do, a recovery that limps along is all they'll have.

I know this is directed more at KISS than you, but I felt I needed to share this with you.... Maybe KISS will read it too, but I wouldn't expect much from him other than a few weeks of trying again, followed by more half-[censored]-measures, blame, and toe tapping waiting for his needs to be met too.

"Cut me some slack", OK I must admit that one infuriates me. Actually set me off enough that I'd like to (self edit)

I have a great deal of respect and admiration for BS's that are willing to attempt the recovery gig in spite of the pain they've endured. Kudo's to you!

And I can't type either..... That's why my posts are usually short and to the point - My children make fun of me while I type, they call me a Typeasaurus.

"Cut me some slack" .....

I stopped posting to him as well.

Papa bear, thank you for taking the time to post to me. I realize that I have lost my backbone in the last couple of months and need to start standing up for myself again.

Thank you, and others who shook some sense into me. Time to get the steel tip boots on.

MissQueen
I stop posting when I am pretty sure they are not listening to me.
That's totally my perception.
I may be correct. I may be incorrect.
Often a different poster can get through when I cannot.

And I.appreciate that you continue to post to me, Miss Pepperband. I value your insight even if others don't.

So what is the plan when/if this happens RQ? Or do you plan to continue this cycle for the next XX months/years?

Also just curious what happened with the gym situation that KISS was advised was not following EPs and also he told us triggered you...

Did he ever give up his membership once you ended Plan B?

I'll get him back on track, SusieQ. Neither of us have been back to the gym in awhile, but I think we should start going together. Good UA time and it would help me get rid of the weight I've gained back.

You didn't really answer either of my questions.

The pattern has been, you post about the problems with KISS getting lazy with recovery AGAIN, we browbeat him, he improves - repeat cycle w/n a short time. Do you disagree with that? If not, do you have a plan for how long you want your recovery to continue this way? (if you are OK with just continuing on this way, that's OK with me - but just tell me)

Secondly, the question about the EP regarding the gym - the question I actually asked was if he added that to the list of EPs (to not go without you) and if he has gone to the gym alone since you came out of Plan B? I am just curious how he followed through on this based on what he said on his thread. Thanks.

Not to add to a pile-on, RQ, but it's not possible for YOU to get HIM "back on track". You know that...right?

Sorry, no I don't disagree with what you say about the pattern. As for now, I will continue to steer us back. We have put our kids through so much this past year that I couldn't live with doing anything otherwise. But, I don't know how long I can keep that up. Who knows? I might say screw it at some point. But I haven't reached that point yet.

As far as the gym, no he hasn't gone alone or with anyone else since I told him that I don't like it.

As you might have guessed, I am going to tell you that this is a terrible plan and if you continue on this pattern you are going to keep lovebusting each other until something terrible happens (another A or one or the other of you wants to head towards Plan D)

First, this plan to "steer" kiss back on track most likely involves DJing and lovebusting. You shouldn't be trying to straighten him out. He needs another accountability partner -- it was supposed to be the SA board but obviously that's not working. Anyway, posters are going to get tired (as they already have) of this game and trying to 2x4 him into meaningful change.

So I have two suggestions.

1) As has been suggested to you before because the topic has come up many times, his job is not good for your M or recovery due to the long hours, the overnights, the stress, his past of having poor boundaries with female coworkers, it being a trigger, the list goes on and on. This latest incident seems to have also involved an argument/friction from the job.

2) The online program -- the coach will be KISS's accountability partner (which he desperately needs) and she will also hold the both of you accountable for UA time WEEKLY. I think you (both) will benefit tremendously from having constant access to Dr Harley on the private forum to implement MB tools such as POJA, etc.

Susie, I agree with everything you said. And thanks for laying it out for me.

I agree that kiss' job is a big obstacle for us. I am hoping that when we move to Florida, the hours will be better. Of course, that is no guarantee. But, we can't move down there with both of us unemployed so he needs to hang onto it for now. I am still nervous about this move as I do not like the idea of being dependent on anyone, nor being so far from my family. But it is the best option for all of us.

I also think we do need the accountability program. It is something we have talked about before but didn't go through with. I do worry about paying for it and not following through with it, especially since money is so tight for us. But, I think it is our best resource as well since he doesn't post or listen to the mb app I downloaded for him.