Thanks for the welcome, and for responding. Yeah it's definitely hard to hear and try to accept that could be the case. As I want to believe I was just being jealous, and I need to respect her own judgement on what she feels is right. But totally see how my behavior pushed her into a situation to cheat when it wouldn't of happened had I met her emotional needs instead of pushing her away.
She is distant not sexually interested and is separating us on many levels, yet still saying she loves me, good mornings and good nights, and that we will keep trying to make it right. Seems she is setting up a life for us and a life she has with them, it's all completely separate and I'm afraid to even ask her now about what she does, as I said its ok to have male friends, and if she's in withdrawal from me, I need to be positive to her and not negative. She is keeping it private though. Changed all her passwords bc I am a"stalker" she says and since she is overseas, she probably talks to them via text or face to face hangouts at a ratio of about 60% them 40% me, if not worse than that.
As for moving there, I believe would fix it, it could be sex she is missing, that need, mixed with the feeling of me just being a nag to her while she is working hard in the military, to come home to texts from me trying to investigate her. This feels like a break up, like ones I've had with girlfriends in the past, and watching them reintegrate into feeling again, but not for you. We have no projected date for me to move there, it's all up in the air now. I planned on joining the military and then moving to her base with a join spouse program. As of now I proposed the idea of joining the recruiting center in England and moving in with her, perhaps looking into college instead, while I wait to ship out from there, by her side. She states she doesn't know if that would even be better or not, and she will think it over.
From reading this website, it's horrifying to read all the signs she is in an affair, endless denying and ridicule of me for even suggesting it. Distance emotionally and sexually. Changing of passwords and feelings she needs to keep parts of her life separate from me, bc if "I trusted her, I wouldn't need her password". And the fact that when I say how about I come there put this on hold and cater to your needs instead of this career, she reacts as if she would rather be apart, to have more space to "think it over". So her love bank, overflowing from the good times she has with others, does not want her to quit what is making her feel good right now, and if I'm the one making her feel bad, why or how could she possibly deny her new feelings? Of course she will head in the positive direction.
Besides moving there (with her agreement of course), I don't know how I can get her to see us as a married couple again, and not as a burden holding her back. Did I just get a bad egg? Maybe she will eternally see the virtues of being married as being confined and controlled? When that is not what she wants deep down. I don't know. I can barely function at work and I'm starting to lack in adequate nutrition. Of course, due to this great distance, I appear to her as fully changed to being positive, dedicated to meeting her needs, sorry for the mean things and outbursts I had, committed to our original goals and still bringing in an income. In reality I would like to lay in bed crying all day. I want to be strong for her and show her the guy she fell in love with originally. Smart, funny.,ambitious, caring, trustworthy.