I was just wondering how many of you are living in a marriage that has no trust? I have two kids that I know would really suffer if we were to divorce and I don't want to do that. There is a new young woman my husband is hiring that he admits is beautiful, looks like Cameron Diaz so I know it will only be a matter of time although he says I am the only one he wants. So many things have happened in the past, the only thing I have never done is actually caught him in the act, so he claims innocence.(I am the crazy neurotic) Anyway, how do you go on with a life you enjoy and feel good about yourself and don't do something like the woman in Texas did to her husband?

Sounds like there is a lot more to this story..never got caught, Hmmm. but your sure something has happened, thus you have no trust. Correct?

You need to get the truth out first (and it will hurt) and then you have to earn trust, and it will take time and it requires two way communication. So if you wanta quick fix...I do not think you can get it. But maybe you need to have some heart to heart talks for starters...Have you told him you do not trust him? that is always a good starting point!

If I tell you all I have been told and found you will think I am pathetic for staying as long as I have, I have found condoms 3 times, I can't have anymore children, he totally failed a lie detector test, have been told by staff members of things going on, have found black pantyhose in car, have found letters from lingerie places thanking him for his business and the list goes on.There will never be trust, but I want what is best for the kids.

This is a case of BLINDING ONESELF TO THE TRUTH. You will never have trust with a man that is so blatent about his affairs. He hasn't had to face any consequences for his actions, except your being mad, but he knows you aren't going anywhere. I really think you are lying to yourself by saying your only reason for staying is for the kids. If that were true you wouldn't be here to ask "how do you trust", you would be here saying you don't care and are only staying for the kids sake. Read more on this board and you will learn a lot about yourself and the mind of the WS...you will notice that even though the stories are different it still sounds the same, as if from a handbook.

Also remember, the kids will leave one day.

How is staying good for the kids? Will growing up in a household where the dad lies and cheats and the mom tolerates it be any better for them?

I asked myself and my H this in the first couple of months after dday. We both agreed that if he couldn't change, divorce would be best. He worked his butt off and changed. If he hadn't I would have left no matter how much I loved him. I didn't want my kids to learn lesson that lying and cheating is an acceptible way to live.

What my kids have learned from my H's A is that even parents/people as good and moral as we are can make mistakes and things can work out but only if willing to not do it again, get help, show remorse and prove to the people you love that you really do love them and have their best interests at heart now.

How old are your kids?

What does you H say for himself? Has he owned up to his actions? Has he sought help? Is he willing to change? What type of father is he? Does he care about example he's setting for his kids?

Have you seen a therapist?

In Torn Asunder it talks about how to save your M and it talks about what to do for kids sake when can't save the M...I'd suggest reading that book, if you haven't already.

Best Wishes!