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Awesome that you did that 2BN!

I know it is hard to let go of things a lot of times. And personally I think it speaks a lot to how far you've come that you did this without any real second thoughts...you just DID it!!

Don't you wish now you could have done that months ago when you were still dealing with things??

Mary-

I'd like to take the opportunity to point out to you several cases...all right here on this thread...where this has worked out very well for the couples involved. But in ALL of those cases, nothing at all was possible until the WS made the CHOICE to do something about the situation. To actively change what they were doing, end the A, come clean to the BS, and move forward with their marriage.

Look at CARDS...very similar situation to yours...asking you to take the same steps she did. She knows where you've been, and where you can go from here.

How about 2BN- Same thing. Been in your shoes...and she's BEGGING you to take the actions you need to take.

Gentlesoul and Beavis- Haven't heard from them in several weeks...because they're happily recovering, and were giving some AWESOME advice to those who needed it over on the recovery board.

Sysyphus- Again, don't hear much from him because things have done a complete turn around in his life. His wife started out just giving him a '90 day' chance....those 90 days have LONG been up, and they're doing GREAT last I'd heard.

Myself- My wife and I are doing a LOT better than we were. I don't know how much of my story I ever gave you...take a look over on the recovery board if you're interested in reading all the details. And my wife made the comment to a mutual friend the other day when he commented about how our marriage (he knows what we went through, he was one of my 'pillars' when I was dealing with this)...she told him that 'well, we went through a really horrible time, but like all marriages we have ups and downs, and we've been on the up for a long time now!".

I could go on...but rest assured that none of this would have been possible if any of the WS's in these cases had NOT reached the point where they finally decided to actually deal with what they've done.

Now it's your turn my friend. Personally, I'm hoping that three months from now I can add your name to this list when I try to help some OTHER person dealing with similar issues!

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2BN...

That is so awesome that you closed those accounts! Each little step we take, strengthens us and gives us the resolve we need. It boosts our self worth, which I think in my case was becoming a problem. I am very proud of you.

I think it's amazing that even though we all are in different stages, we are of help to each other. Mary is at the beginning of her battle, but you drew off her strength to do something positive. I know you ALL have helped me so much during this entire year. During some of the time this year when I was so busy with work and other stresses it was easy to retreat into myself, when really I needed MORE support at that time. I am thankful that you all are here.

2BN, are you fighting off the OM holiday memories? I know the worst is yet to come for me.....Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I vividly remember spending much of those days with OM online. I remember the conversations...nothing important, just silly stuff....what we were cooking, etc. I think I will make a concerted effort to adjust those days in order to limit those thoughts.

Owl, I am truly amazed out how these memories are retained and linked to events in our minds. I remember early in the year when you talked about the 1 yr anniversary and how everything came back. I could not fathom how a year later you would thinking about the anniversary of those events. Your wife's EA was about the length of mine, and I remember hoping that I would not be thinking about it a year later. Now I see....I guess "important" events have a way of rooting themselves in our brains in order to create memory. I didn't know it at the time, but your experience was giving us the 'heads up' on what to expect.

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Cards-

I think your idea of changing how you do things those days so that you don't have the chance to dwell on those thoughts or have fewer 'triggers' because the day seems similar makes VERY good sense. Perhaps do something out of the house where you can? Take a horse/buggy ride or something romantic with your H...anything so that you're not looking at the computer and remembering things.

I hope that if this 'forewarning' I'm providing you is accurate that it will provide you with some hope as well then. Things are easier on me now than they were then. My wife seems to be pretty happy too...and she doesn't seem to dwell on or even think about what happened in her case hardly at all anymore. So perhaps in a few more months you will feel that way as well...once you get past those first year triggers, I'm thinking that it gets easier after that.

For me, the holidays are Valentine's day and Mother's day. Because it was STARTING around V day for my wife...I don't know that they'd 'admitted things to each other yet' then or not, but I know that the attraction had begun by then for sure.

And I remember reading in her IM sessions with OM that on Mother's Day she sat there daydreaming about what kind of cheese cake OM would like (we took her to The Cheesecake Factory for M day that year). Which is rough, because I can also clearly remember sitting across from her that day, seeing her stare off into space, and asking her what she was thinking of (remember, I SERIOUSLY suspected by this time, but didn't have 'proof'). Of course, her response was "nothing, I'm just tired is all".

It WILL get easier as time goes on. Right now you sound like you're doing the right things, and trying to find a way to distance yourself from those triggers and memories.

Make NEW ones this year to replace the old ones!! Best medicine I can offer for you. Take those days and replace them in your mind with something truly spectacular this year! My money says it will make things soooo much easier for you later on too.

And perhaps I wouldn't use the word "important"...but definitely would say that "major" events would be accurate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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Hello!!!
Thanks for the call-out Owl. Been taking a little break from the boards - the pain and anger gets overwhelming to me at times so I retreat a little bit sometimes.

Ladies, I'm sorry you're stuggling, albeit at different levels. The holidays especially can be filled with triggers. A year ago this week for me found me embroiled heavily in the affair and over the course of the next two weeks...speeding up to the awful turn of events that lead to our New Year's d-day. So, guess I know the feeling.

But we are doing great now. I'm very sorry the affair happened, but in a weird way, many many great things came from it. The best of which is that I re-kindled my really deep love for my H.

I really feel the only way we got here, was through complete no contact.

That first, beginning on Jan 10th, 2005 - all contact ceased completely. Totally. Nothing. No e-mails, no talking, no internet games....nothing.

And on that date, I drew the line in the sand. I said, this is the date I start becoming the person who will learn whether she wants to be married or not. Who will stand up and become strong, and ethical, and who will do everything I can to help my H get through this.

I confess I wasn't sure I wanted to be married a year ago. But through this site and reading, I came to the conclusion that as long as contact with FOM was there, I would never really know the answer.

Do you remember your wedding day? I do (pun not intended!). I vowed to love, honor and cherish until death did us part. I realize now I knew very little as to how much committment and work that would be. But it was a promise to him and to the Lord above.

And, so I decided that before I could walk away from the marriage, I needed to give it my very best shot to make it work. If it didn't, well at least I could feel better that I tried.

So glad I did. Because these affairs really screw with our heads. They revise history and mess with our perspective. And the worst is that they hurt the person we promised to cherish. It's wrong to be involved with two people, to deceive our H's.

This past year has been a learning experience for us. Every day of no contact brings new perspective. I have seen things clearer as the year has progressed. We have learned things about ourselves and about what marriage is all about.

One of the biggest things I have learned, is that marriage cannot make us happy. We have to be happy as individuals first. That comes from within. Then, we can share that with our H's, and vice versa. It isn't fair to place our individual happiness requirement with our H, or our lover. It is impossible for another person to make us happy.

We all have core values...those are what make us happy. And, I've spent this last year trying to get in touch with those.

Cards and 2BN - stay strong with no contact. It is the only way to finding your core and your happiness. Feelings after an affair can deceive. Virtually all of the time, they lead us the wrong way. I hope you can keep digging to find what is missing for you.

But, also, give yourself a little leeway in the holidays when it comes to feeling bad. It's normal to have triggers during the holidays. Doesn't mean you should contact FOM or anything, but those feelings are going to be there. Put them in the corner and move about your day so to speak. Acknowledge, but don't let it guide your actions.

We've also been working to reclaim the holidays with new traditions. Over thanksgiving we went camping with friends instead of the normal family get togethers. It was wonderful! No triggering memories.

Mary, I hope you can draw your line in the sand. It's going to hurt and honestly, withdrawls after NC are truly very hard. Those feelings are generated by the drug of the affair.

Feelings and perceptions following an affair, will lead you down the wrong path 100% of the time if you follow them. Logic should win during this time.

Everytime there is contact, it sets you back to square one in withdrawls. I read the e-mail from FOM Mary...I doubt he said goodbye. He just put you on hold for awhile because it was getting too uncomfortable at home. He cares more for his GF than he cares for you. Sorry. And he is using you to get a thrill of having two women. He likes deceiving his GF. Is that someone you can respect?

We can help you stand up and draw that line Mary. Until I did, nothing got better for us. It's extremely painful I know, but it has to happen.

And, you need to tell your H about this. If you are justifying not telling him because of the holidays...well, think of this. He finds out in January, that you lied to him throughout the holidays. Is that going to make fond memories for him then? Thinking how you smiled and lied throughout them? The line in the sand says...no more.

It's so worth it you guys. Marriages can be wonderful if you take the lessons from the fire. I've learned so much.

I've blabbed on and on here. Haha, gotta get to work. Sorry you are struggling, but hang in there. Keep learning from it. Recovery is lots of ups and downs.

Hugs,
GS


FWW-44 Married to DH 19 years; 2 young DDs DD & NC - New Year's Day, 2005 Together and working to recovery If ever two were one, then we; If ever a man was loved by wife, then thee.
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Hi all! And gentlsoul...it's sooo good to see you!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It was amazing the strength I had to close those accounts yesterday. I COULD NOT do that months ago! I just kept them open. There was nothing in either one...but still just empty. It's kind of like the accounts were some kind of strange memorial of the OM... it's like the "A's" are dead and all the activity that occured in those accounts are dead. Strange! I told my husband last night that I closed them. He thought they already were...but then again...he really doesn't understand about closing email accounts. So I explained...again!

Cards - as far as the holidays...yes so much with the conversations that I remember. This weekend my husband and I are going to a Christmas concert. We went to the same concert last year and I can remember telling the OM about it and sending him a link of the people that are performing. I also remember that same weekend going out to dinner with another couple and how the OM seemed "a little" worried that me and my husband were doing so much together that weekend! How silly to think of that! I remember the weather and how cold it was too that weekend. I even thought back to the OM's work Christmas dinner (and all he told me & wishing it was us together!) and that I was worried about he and his wife together! It's amazing how much I remember that was all centered around the "A". I shared some of this with my husband and he's amazed that I had all this going on without him even knowing!

With that said, my husband and I have decided to make this weekend special with the concert and go out to dinner before and enjoy the evening together. I will try to not even focus on any of those "conversation memories"!

Cards - you have some good advice on here from Owl and gentlsoul. We need to start refocusing and to change our thoughts when these "thoughts" hit us. It's hard and I wonder how I'll do come Christmas and the few days after. I just remember last Christmas just going "through the motions" of the day. I was not "there" mentally at all! But this year will be sooo much better!

Also - knowing the OM's S/N that I found out on that forum has been torturing me. He hadn't written on there (exept back in April & May)...and as I have said before, I posted on there with my husband knowing and not really worrying about "running into" the OM. But in the last few weeks he came back on there. He even posted on some of the same threads as I did. I couldn't take it anymore. Yesterday he posted on the very thread I did and right below me. Sooo... I took matters into my own hands and I posted something directing it to him so he knew it was me. Just to let him know I know it's him. I think he quit. I am not going to post on there anymore. I didn't envision this happening! I know Owl - you have told me not to even go to that forum....but it was hard not to and I think I realized I have to stay away from there. Even if he comes back with another S/N...at least I won't know it's him.

Anyway, I don't know if I did the right thing (by posting that toward the OM), but I couldn't have him posting where I was. It was just too much for me.

I'm glad you all are posting on here again! It's been great support for me from all of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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Is anyone still around here today? If not..I guess you'll see this on Monday. The thread I was talking about on the other forum is about a woman that had an "A". It ended but she was afraid to tell her husband. I (and others) had encouraged her to tell her husband and that it was absolutely necessary that she do so. She did tell him and what she wrote about the other day was of her struggles with her husband...much like what we have experienced over here. The only people that responded to her last post which was an update - were me and the OM! As I stated earlier, I had posted first, then the OM did. How STRANGE that the OM and I gave advice about recovering to someone! He had not written on this thread until yesterday, but I have several times, so I was glad she posted and wrote some encouragement to her. Sooo what do I do? Do I just not care and walk away from there? Today she wrote again and it was strange that she wrote "thanks guys for your advice"...that was directed to me and the OM!

This is just tooo strange for me! I am certain that the OM had to have seen my post directed to him. He definately could make no mistake it is me because I thanked him for so very kindly calling my husband the other day with that information...of course for those that might read that would have no clue I was being sarcastic. But he needed to get a clue!

Soooo ADVICE PLEASE! Again - this has only been a problem with the OM being on there in the last few weeks!

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Hi 2BN,
Yeah for closing the e-mail accounts! Now about posting to OM:

Quote
Yesterday he posted on the very thread I did and right below me. Sooo... I took matters into my own hands and I posted something directing it to him so he knew it was me.


I hope you realize this is contact. If you truly want to wash this man right outta your hair, you wouldn't do this. I'm with Owl that being on that forum is harmful to you and your marriage. It's contact.

No 2x4 from me and I mean absolutely no disrespect. Have you thought about why you care so much what FOM is thinking and doing? Forwarding e-mail to him, posting to him....I know you don't think of this as wanting a response from him, but they are deliberate attempts to send communication to him. What are you craving here?

As long as you are in contact with him, it diverts your ability to be happy. Why are you doing this to yourself? It extends the pain. Every time there is contact, all those emotions get stirred up and your energy goes to OM instead of you, your H and your M.

((((((2BNormal))))))) I ask this because I care about you. I want you to come with me to the land of no contact. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel once you've accepted the fact that guy is not a part of your life anymore...and won't be forever.

You have a H who loves you so. Spend your energy there is my advice. The grass is greener where you water it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


FWW-44 Married to DH 19 years; 2 young DDs DD & NC - New Year's Day, 2005 Together and working to recovery If ever two were one, then we; If ever a man was loved by wife, then thee.
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2BNormal,
Just saw your last post. My advice is to get out of that forum immediately and never return. Just leave. That's all you have to do.

There are plenty of other people to give her advice.

Contact with FOM is harmful to you and your M. Put your H and you first. Everyone else comes a distant second.

Do not let FOM suck you into further discussions. You're done, right?

Walk, no RUN, away immediately. Don't say goodbye, no last words, no explanations. Just close the account and never go there again.

Then, tell your H about your actions. You are on the same team. If FOM has contact your H before, he will likely do it again.

Get out of there!!! Can't emphasize this strongly enough.
GS


FWW-44 Married to DH 19 years; 2 young DDs DD & NC - New Year's Day, 2005 Together and working to recovery If ever two were one, then we; If ever a man was loved by wife, then thee.
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Ok I just went back to that forum and deleted that post that was directed to the FOM (yes I need to put FORMER!)

I don't know how to delete my account on there, but I can try to figure it out. If I do that then I know I won't be tempted to go back there and post.

As I said earlier...the FOM was NOT writing on there until recently, so I have NOT been communicating with him! I don't even think he knew it was me on there until that post (if he read it?) He did not communicate back to me. He made it clear to my husband that he didn't want anything from me and he didn't know why I sent that forward of information to him.

I really don't know why I did this? I HAVE been so much happier with my marriage in this last month more than ever! I know I was getting stressed about the holidays coming up and too many "reminders" of last year....but NO EXCUSE!

Thanks gentlsoul for your advice!

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I don't know how to cancel my account on there. I see no options to do so. I had to email the site to ask and that may take a few days.....

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I don't think being on the forum WHEN OM WASN'T THERE was an issue.

But now that he's returned, one of you has got to leave, and you're the one who really has a responsibility to your marriage, yourself, and your husband to walk away. We can't control others (to include OM), but we can control ourselves.

I agree with Gentle...emails, forum boards, etc...all of these ARE contact...even if it's not creating those 'feelings' for you right now, it's STILL contact.

You really do need to drop off that board, at least for now...check back in on it after Christmas to see if OM is still posting, and if not, talk with your H about resuming going there...but not before.

I know that if my wife contact OM...FOR ANYTHING AT ALL...I'd be deeply hurt and upset about it. I probably wouldn't want to make her feel bad by making an issue out of it, but it would bother me a LOT if she did so. Remember we had a similar issue when OM started back gaming again after over a year...I HATED logging in and seeing him there. My wife didn't seem to care, and she repeatedly said it didn't matter to her...her feelings for him weren't what they were before.

But just knowing that they COULD talk that way bothered me.

Please...let go of any of these contacts for now. If you REALLY need to, post a last post on that ladies thread letting her know that you'll have to back off posting for now (don't give a reason)...and then go on hiatus for a while there.

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We crossed posts friend...glad to see that you're taking action!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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Thanks Owl,
I don't need to post a last post. I don't think anyone would really realize I was gone as I don't post alot.

I think the hardest thing for me was to see the OM give advice to someone who had an affair. It reminded me sooo much of the advice he gave me before he and I fell into the EA! AND here he is again doing the same! Back in April, he told my husband that he would register under a new name on the forum, but that he didn't feel it was his calling to give marriage advice! How quickly he changed his mind after 7-8 months! Grrrrrrr!! Just made me angry!

And you know, even if I didn't know his s/n, I would know it's him. I recognize the words he writes and how he writes. Not hard to figure out! That's why I'm not too sure that he didn't figure out it was me before, but yet continued to post and give advice on the same thread as me!

Well, enough of this today! Hope you all have a great weekend!

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Whew!!! You scared me there for a bit 2BN. You just did the right thing. Very, very cool!! Feel it yet? The more you do these kind of things, the easier it gets to focus on your world instead of FOM's world.

Quote
so I have NOT been communicating with him! I don't even think he knew it was me on there until that post (if he read it?) He did not communicate back to me. He made it clear to my husband that he didn't want anything from me and he didn't know why I sent that forward of information to him.

What I meant by communication was you forwarding an e-mail to him and posting to him on the forum. That is communication, although one-way.

Contact has several levels. It isn't just direct two way interaction. All contact harms you emotionally, and I hate to see you do that to yourself.

2BN, I like you so much. I see you trying really really hard and that is so refreshing around MB. Triggers, anniversaries suck. There is no way around it, and they bring on feelings we don't expect sometime.

It's ok to feel it. Doesn't mean you want to start up the affair again or can't be happy in your marriage. Just do all you can to avoid ANY contact (on any level ) with FOM.

OK, now if you start feeling like you want to go back to that forum to have "closure" or anything....DON'T!!! Come here and vent instead. You don't owe FOM anything in terms of an explanation. Nada.

So, tell me something you are getting for your H for the holidays. Big plans? Have you thought about ways to reclaim the holidays for you as a couple?

Your friend,
GS


FWW-44 Married to DH 19 years; 2 young DDs DD & NC - New Year's Day, 2005 Together and working to recovery If ever two were one, then we; If ever a man was loved by wife, then thee.
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Thanks gentlsoul! I appreciate your support so very much!

There is nothing else I need to say on that forum to the OM or anyone there for closure... I just need to be off of there.

I do realize that sending the FOM that email this week was wrong! The email was not just a "random forward"...it was the actual communication emails between the forum administrators and me regarding what happened to me on their forum (with the OM) I had edited out some things, but I wanted the OM to know that the changes that happened on the forum were a result of me telling our story. But he really didn't NEED to know this info. I was more angered at him posting on there recently and was trying to make a point to him. This whole thing just blew up on me when he called my husband to report that I sent him this email!

Now about Christmas! No I haven't bought my husband a single thing yet! I have NOT had time yet! We do have several things we have to go to...Christmas dinners, parties etc. But nothing out of the ordinary. We will both be off from work the entire week of Christmas though! That will be nice! I want to just enjoy this Christmas and the events and not think about last year! That is my goal...to not let last year ruin this year! In fact the last 2 Christmas were horrible because 2 years ago was OM 1...so I have to really make this year special!

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Good for you 2BN - decisive action. Love it!!!

What's helping me through the holidays is a couple of things. First, acknowledging that just because the calendar says December, life isn't the same as it was last December. My life is linear and not circular. I'm not the same as last year, and neither are you. We are stronger and have learned so much!

The second thing is creating fun. I mean, actively setting up things to do with my H that are a rocking good time. Going out as a couple, decorating together, baking cookies together, playing old music we like together, etc. The more energy I invest there, the better I feel about staying in the present than in the past.

Really proud of you for getting off that forum. Going to make me smile all weekend!
GS


FWW-44 Married to DH 19 years; 2 young DDs DD & NC - New Year's Day, 2005 Together and working to recovery If ever two were one, then we; If ever a man was loved by wife, then thee.
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Good morning all!

Mary - Looking forward to hearing from you and how your weekend went with your husband. Been thinking of you and praying for you. Let us know how you are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I had a great weekend with my husband! I had mentioned that we were going to a Christmas concert (we went to the same concert last year at this time.) Last year I didn't really want to be with my husband when we went because of the OM, but this year was wonderful. We had a nice dinner out beforehand and just walked around downtown a bit before the concert. A BIG change since a year ago! A GREAT change!

Hope you all had a great weekend as well!

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I thank you all for your kindness and caring.
I am going to HAVE TO quit posting for awhile.

I thought I would come here and be able to make you proud of me (Cards, 2BNormal, Owl Gentlesoul and others) and make me proud of myself but after sending the "I closed the email account" email , the OM wrote me the note below and opened a new secret yahoo acct that we can both share. (He wrote it to my regular email account.)

He gave me the ID and password and I can tell if he has read what I have written and I can look for a reply. (Didn't have that before, only I had a secret account, not a shared account.) I have a feeling there is LOTS of this happening; as Dr. Harley said, these online affairs are EPIDEMIC. I believe it.

"it was so great to hear from you............if

you want to stop okay..........but at least let us
be friends for ever and ever........and from time
to time, please write and bring me up
to date.......i will use THIS ADDRESS FROM NOW
ON.........no one knows about it but
you and me.........and i wont quit writing unless
you say no more emails.........

just so you know that you have a special place in
my soul and my heart.........
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
and you always will.............love
ya............just me........"


But it is going to be the same ole thing. I will be checking this secret account every chance I can and he will check once in awhile and write once in awhile. I have written 3 little newsy notes, he hasn't replied and the one I wrote after church yesterday is still on there. He has only written this above note since opening this acct on Fri night.

I know, I know, I am a FOOL but I am stuck in this Friendship and Romance.
My life is like any normal housewife; kinda mundane and this adds some
excitement so until I am convicted to stop, I will have to stop posting here.
I respect this message board and this is a marriage BUILDING site and I don't belong here right now.

CamoKnightsWife posted this the other day (I admire her and her words of wisdom very much; she and her WH have 5 home-schooled children and the youngest isn't even a year old.) What she said rings true for me:
"You cannot force or even coerce someone to make a voluntary decision. It would not be voluntary. "

P.S. By the way, I DO want to be one of those 'success stories' you described, WISE OWL. Believer wrote: . "Most don't tell (WS) unless they are caught."
I have a feeling that is the only way I will be able to stop this online affair and
that is to get caught. I don't see myself confessing. I am not willing to give up
my 'addiction'.

Thanks again for your caring; don't worry that I am not posting, just continue on the right direction all of you are on. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. I know you would like to PUSH me into making the right decision but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. (Just as Camo's wife said.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

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Mary -
You don't need to quit posting!

I have to say I am disappointed, but I had a feeling that this OM would try to reach you another way. You remind me sooo very much of me with the first OM for me. You are trying to hang onto something, but for what Mary??? What happiness is this going to give you? This man is involved with another woman yet too.

I really do understand where you are at. I did exactly what you did with OM1 and couldn't give him up even though I tried over and over again. Mary we are all here to tell you there is NO PEACE in this relationship you have with this man! There never will be! Do you really want to get caught and possibly destroy your marriage? Wouldn't it be better to come clean now instead of waiting until you are caught? I'm here to tell you...YOU WILL GET CAUGHT! It happens over and over again....the WS gets caught. Is this what you want?

Mary - I care about you and I see so much of myself in you. I'm here to tell you it's sooo much better on the other side of this! We can't make the choice for you. You are right in that it's totally up to you. But I can tell you won't be happy hanging on to this. This man is just 'using ' you...he really doesn't care about you or he would let you go! Don't you see that? There is no room for his friendship in your life either. It simply can't be!

Please pray! Are you praying or are you ignoring God in this! You know what God wants!

Still will be praying for you! Please keep posting!

Your friend,
2BN

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P.S. - I did the same secret email thing with OM2. We had passwords to each other's accounts and even until April 2005! I finally asked him to change his password and LIFE became much better! There is nothing special to this....it only brings misery! Please come out of misery, Mary...come to the other side where I am and where Cards and Gentlsoul are! We've all been there and know what it feels like to be exactly where you are right now! I wouldn't trade where I am at now for where I was a year ago!

Quote
By the way, I DO want to be one of those 'success stories' you described,

Mary - YOU CAN BE A SUCCESS STORY! You just have to let go of this and you will be a success story!

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