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Hi, BrambleRose.

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Pebbles ~ my WH didn't respond in the 30 days either. The divorce moved to default, with a default hearing in front of a judge scheduled 30 days later.
I was hoping someone whose WS defaulted would reply! Our lives become even more parallel, don't they?

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I suspect that yours, like mine...doesn't really want the divorce as much as he thought he did...
Well, I am sure he doesn't want the expense of a divorce and child support. I am sure he never planned this far ahead when he was thinking of leaving.

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Mine came to the house the night before our court date and said he'd do whatever it took.

I hope yours does too.
Wow. Just wow.


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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Hi, Gimble.

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What you do is make sure you are getting the legal support, then you really do drag the divorce out. Your lawyer can help. Just tell her what you want to do.
This is the plan! I'm going to drag it out as long as I can, or until I want it, LOL. I don't know if I can still drag it out if it goes to default. I forgot to ask the lawyer. I'll have to call her.


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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Hi, MelodyLane.

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This is the beauty of Plan B. He cannot turn to you anymore to get his needs met so he can avoid the truth: that OW cannot possibly meet his needs. Now he is alone with the OW and.......the truth.
I hope that is what is happening. I think at this point I may know more about his MOW than he does. At some point, he'll have to get to know the real hag, at least I hope so.

It sounds like you had quite a workout, and quite a lunch, LOL. IMAX 2 for me tomorrow. I could use a little heart-pumping action myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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You're doing great Pebbles! These WH!!!! My kids haven't seen their dad for 2 weeks. Even when he came to pick me up for dinner last week, he didn't come into the house to talk to them. Maybe I need to file so he'll see his kids more!

Hang in there, you're doing a wonderful Plan B.


Grapes are versatile. Grapes can be sour, sweet, sublime as wine and fabulous even when old and dried out.

Me: BS
XCH: Clueless
2-DS: Bigger than me
1-DD: Now also bigger than me!

5/6: Personally served CH with divorce papers
6/6: CH F? wants to time to see if M can be saved
7/6: FCH reenters our lives to work on marriage but secretly signs papers to start divorce...what's that about?
Mediation set for November
Final dissolution in January 2007.
2008 and beyond: Life goes on...
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Pebbles Offline OP
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Hi, grapegirl.

Thanks. I just hope I don't end up divorced unintentionally, before I'm ready, because of WH defaulting. I should be able to delay things, I think.

About WHs seeing the kids, as Gimble posted to me earlier, for the WS it's all about the WS. They only care about themselves. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'll say it again: adultery sucks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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If he doesn't turn in his paperwork, then I can try to tell myself that he doesn't really want a divorce. He does keep delaying everything, but insists he wants a quick, easy divorce to get on with his life. He was the one who told my lawyer that he wanted to avoid going to court, if at all possible.


Young lady! If there is anything I can tell you about my experience is that you should not analyze ANYTHING. A WS is not a rational being. There is no logic there. WW is spending money like its water. Divorce is on track but she still doesn't want me talking to DS18. WTF!?

Your WH, is probably staring at paperwork and thinking, I can just have the OW if I sign this and abandon my family. But I don't want that, but I need the OW. Can you see the little devil and angel on the shoulders. He screwed everything else up, expect that he screws this up too. But be pleasantly surprised if he doesn't. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Do NOT anticipate Pebbles. Simply expect bad behavior.

Think of this as a time to spend joyfully with your kids without your WH interupting. That's all I'm doing. I'll simply be shocked if my WW comes to her senses. She's simply in a tailspin toward personal destruction, and I only hope I can shield the kids from the crash.

I don't need to say anything bad about her. Just be the lighthouse for them.

Be at Peace.

Sleepless


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It sounds like you had quite a workout, and quite a lunch, LOL. IMAX 2 for me tomorrow. I could use a little heart-pumping action myself.


Oooh yeah! I want to go see Fighter pilot! Is that what you're going to? I want to see the new Herbie with DS8. Do you remember the originals? I think I saw one of them at the drive-in in Indiana! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Me 41 WS 39 DS 19, DS 9 DDay 2/25/05 Divorcing....
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Hi, Sleepless.

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Oooh yeah! I want to go see Fighter pilot! Is that what you're going to? I want to see the new Herbie with DS8. Do you remember the originals? I think I saw one of them at the drive-in in Indiana! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Oh, Sleepless! You're talking movies and we're talking video workouts, LOL. IMAX 2 is Interval Max 2 with Cathe Freidrich, a killer cardio step workout. It's a strange and unusual hobby, but I have to have something, right?

I do remember the Herbie originals. I think I saw them at a drive-in with my parents. Oh, to be young and carefree again (sigh). I may take the kids to see the new Herbie, even though my almost 14-year-old would roll his eyes at the thought, LOL.


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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Hey! What are you doing posting on TuckTUmmy's thread? You ladies are providing inappropriate thoughts for this BH!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I don't know if I need an aerobic workout. I'm 6'3" and 170. Maybe a body sculpting workout. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Maybe there's no hope. Why are you stil up???


What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Me 41 WS 39 DS 19, DS 9 DDay 2/25/05 Divorcing....
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Your WH, is probably staring at paperwork and thinking, I can just have the OW if I sign this and abandon my family. But I don't want that, but I need the OW. Can you see the little devil and angel on the shoulders. He screwed everything else up, expect that he screws this up too. But be pleasantly surprised if he doesn't. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Yes, I can see the little devil and angel on WH's shoulders. I still don't get why he needs her. She's a crusty old hag, and she cheated on her own husband and abandoned her own child. I mean, I'm not perfect, but I'm not that bad! I know...he has his reasons.

Yes, I know, stop analyzing, but you know I can't help it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I am thinking of just taking off with the kids tomorrow and going to the beach. It's only about an hour away (we're only about an hour or two away from almost everything, LOL). We'll spend the night in a cheap motel and play in the sand. I have just about enough left in my bank account to cover it. I can scrounge the bottoms of all my purses for change, LOL. We'll get home just in time for WH to pick up the kids for their Wednesday overnight visit.

It sucks being the lighthouse sometimes (especially when I'm sleep-deprived), but somebody has to do it, LOL. How are you holding up, Sleepless? Are you enjoying your visit with your older son?

Peace to you, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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Why are you stil up???
I'm an insomniac, Sleepless. I am always up! Hey, what are you doing up? It's just as late there as it is here!


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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Dork.

Idiot.

Did I say, "dork"?

Ya know, Peb - the default is terrific news, and not unexpected, huh?

Terrific news!

You hold ALL the cards.

It would have been uncharacteristic, IMHO, for him to respond to the divorce papers. It would take some level of responsibility on his part. Instead, he's living moment to moment and is avoiding all responsibilities in his life. See the parallel to adolescence?

Perfect, perfect, perfect. Terrific!!!!

All things considered, and relatively speaking, you could hardly be in a better spot right now.

Get out your lawn chair and have a seat. The show can only get more interesting.

Make sure your attorney understands your strategy to wait for either him to fold or you to end it.

Isn't Plan B a beautiful thing??? (in a relative sort of way)

WAT

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Hi WAT...

Quick question for you (sorry for the threadjack), do you ever talk to Heroswife? Her and I were talking all the time on here then via email and she just kind of stopped on day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I was just curious if you've talked to her and how she's been doing? Her and I had so many "sames" that is was nice to have someone to talk to with trigger dates etcs....

Anyway, if you still talk to her tell her hi for me and that she' still in my thoughts and prayers!

Thanks
2B


Me (BS) - 29 WH - 32 Together 11 years Married for 8 years D-Date: 4/15/2004 NC since 5/31/04 2 children
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Hi, WAT.

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Dork. Idiot. Did I say, "dork"?
So, you're saying he's a dork? I wasn't quite sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

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Ya know, Peb - the default is terrific news, and not unexpected, huh?
I think deep down I was expecting him to fight back somehow. Or maybe that is what he thinks he is doing by defaulting? If he actually has a lawyer, which I doubt, I can't imagine a lawyer recommending a client default. I kind of feel sorry for WH. He's getting some really bad advice. I always thought of him as being intelligent, but this is really stoooopid.

Or is there something I don't know about all this? It just seems too easy.

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You hold ALL the cards.
That's nice, for a change. I have even found a way to refinance the house in my name, when and if the time comes, so no matter what WH threatens to do with the house, the kids and I can stay. If I don't qualify to refinance on my own, my parents have offered to cosign, which is very kind of them. I really don't want to have them (or anyone) cosign for me, but if I have no other choice...

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It would have been uncharacteristic, IMHO, for him to respond to the divorce papers. It would take some level of responsibility on his part. Instead, he's living moment to moment and is avoiding all responsibilities in his life. See the parallel to adolescence?
Adolescence. That is exactly what WH's behavior reminds me of. And he was always so responsible before. How could he change so much? It's scary. I'd better make the kids some aluminum foil helmets for when they spend the night with WH Wednesday, in case the alien mind warp is contagious, LOL.

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Make sure your attorney understands your strategy to wait for either him to fold or you to end it.
I am going to have to make an appointment to go over with her what happens next.

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Isn't Plan B a beautiful thing??? (in a relative sort of way)
It is much less stressful. I'll have to set up the reclining lawn chair so I'll be ready for the rest of the show.

Which reminds me, July 4th is one of WH's favorite holidays. We usually have a few neighbors over and WH and one of our male neighbors set off fireworks in the street in front of our house. It's a neighborhood tradition. When the visitation agreement was being drafted, I made sure that I have the kids this July 4th. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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Yes, I know, stop analyzing, but you know I can't help it.

That's what I'm supposed to say. I'm a man AND an engineer. I don't know what your excuse is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Regarding the sleep deprived. You may want to head to Trader Joes or the local drug store, and pick up some Melatonin. I was prescribed sleeping pills too, but haven't used one yet. I've found that my sleep is a little more sound and a little longer with a Melatonin tablet before bed.

I cooked steaks on the grill with blue cheese melted on top, and a side of sauteed mushrooms and onions. He said "Thanks for dinner dad." He's also looking for help on his Mustang's water pump. I'm telling him what to do, but not helping. Tonight I'll address the elephant in the living room of, "we can't talk about the family anymore because you've testified against me in court." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

His ex-girlfriend is harrassing him about not calling her more often. His point is that things are kind of tough right now because his parents are getting a divorce. I coached him on that a little too.

See my posting for a new exciting update. You won't BELIEVE what WW is doing now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


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2B - it's been several months since I last traded e-mail with HW. I'll see if I can get a response. I and my SO had the pleasure of meeting HW and her H - sheese, early last year it must have been, or even earlier than that? - when they were in the DC area. Very nice folks.

Pebs - you're doing terrific. Keep loving your kids.

WAT

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Hi, Sleepless.

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That's what I'm supposed to say. I'm a man AND an engineer. I don't know what your excuse is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
There is no excuse for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the suggestion about Melatonin. I may try some. I've always been a night owl, though.

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I cooked steaks on the grill with blue cheese melted on top, and a side of sauteed mushrooms and onions.
Sounds yummy! Another reason for me to heat up the grill and get out the giant tongs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The last few nights the kids and I have been eating at restaurants. I have gift certificates my students' families were kind enough to give me on the last day of school. It's nice to be served and waited on, LOL.

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Tonight I'll address the elephant in the living room of, "we can't talk about the family anymore because you've testified against me in court." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
I hope it goes well. At least it will be out in the open then.

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See my posting for a new exciting update. You won't BELIEVE what WW is doing now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
You mean she came up with something new? I would have thought she'd run out of brilliant <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ideas by now. Off to find your thread!


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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A kind friend on a fitness forum I visit found the following information for me on a California legal website:

"Once the divorce petition is filed and served, the party upon whom the documents are served has thirty (30) days to file a response. The response must be formally filed with the issuing Superior Court and served by mail on the moving party. If a response is not filed and served on the moving party within thirty days, the petitioning party may proceed to take the non-responding party's default, at which time the court may allow the moving party to proceed without any appearance or input from the defaulting party. The general effect of taking the non-responding party's default is that the filing party will receive the relief requested in their Petition and moving pleadings, according to proof, as is consistent with the law - with no input from the other side of the case."

To quote my fitness friend, she said it looks like WH has "laid on his back in surrender." It would seem he has forsaken his right to contest what I have requested.

Still, it seems too easy. There has to be something more to it. Why would WH just give up like that? Unless he is just being irresponsible, as WAT suggested. I still don't get it. There has to be some benefit for him or why would he do it?

Well, if he is trying to confuse me, it's working.

I told the kids to go ahead and give their friends the okay for the camping trip/sleep-over party this weekend. WH never called and the kids wouldn't call him, and we needed to let the friends know. WH can be the bad guy and refuse to let them go, if he wants to. WH will end up having our daughter by herself for Friday night and a short part of Saturday morning - our son not at all this weekend.


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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Pebbles, I wonder if his nonresponse is a result of his conflict avoider personality and his current alien state. He probably figured you were going to get all that stuff anyway, so why fight it? And who knows, in his fantasy world maybe he was hoping it would all go away?

I like how you handled the situation with the kids. I also like that he will spend Father's Day alone for the first time. That will be a nice reminder of what he has given up in exchange for alley-cat-in-heat.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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MelodyLane, I am sure WH's conflict-avoider personality has a lot to do with everything. He probably wanted to avoid conflict with the kids by not giving them a definite answer about this weekend. He probably wanted to avoid conflict with me by ignoring the divorce papers (not that I would have contacted him - Plan B, you know). He is probably trying to avoid conflict with his skankylosaur-hag/heat cat somehow, too. Who knows what her demands are, now that she has him all to herself?

In the past, I would have told the kids they couldn't go away with friends on Father's Day weekend. WH would not be the one to tell them, even though he would not want them to go somewhere. He was probably expecting me to do as I have done in the past, take care of the conflict for him. Surprise for him. He wanted me gone, I'm gone. He's on his own.


Me 40, STBXWH 43 Married 16 years D-day 01/25/05 Son 14, Daughter 10 Divorce almost final - I hope!
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