Chaser:

I hear your heart. I know you want to stand by your man. The problem with this is it is like finding Drugs in your home. The sad thing is it is a drug, an addiction, the police do not care why it is there, and it is Children services job to protect your child. You now know there is a problem. This is your test if you do noting and hope all will be the way it was yesterday, (don't we all wish we could have the peace of yesterday) You risk havnig someone decide that you are an unfit parent, by allowing this drug to be in your house.

While I completely agree the harsh way to go is to call the police on him you must first protect yourself! You can not look like you are hiding his addection.

The hardest day in my cousins life was in the police and child welfare showed up at her door. Her 9 year old daughter told school that her step father had been playing with her private areas. They took her over night into protective services. My cousin got full coustdy only after she kicked him out of the house. She had to prove that she did not knowingly allow this to happen!

You said you do not have a church. Is there someone you can call to stand by you? An oldler friend, a teacher, is there a chuch you could call a friend who could call her pastor to sit with you and "INTERVEEN" so that you do not have to confront your husband alone. Someone who will "free your name" and help you walk through this so you are taking the right steps to protect your child and could testify that you were not protecting your husband.

Praying for a special name to come to mind! A special person to enter your life right now!!

SVB

You can contact Marriage Builders at the following phone number.... sorry for your woes....

The Marriage Builders® Administration Offices
Email: Office@marriagebuilders.com
Telephone: (651) 762-8570

sd

I don't know about making copies, because then she becomes a participate in having extra copies of the disks. That could be a touchy question in a court.

You are getting advice. The bad part is you are not taking it.

If you come home one day and your child has been sexually abused, possibly bleeding, will you want to give your husband the benefit of the doubt?

IF he is innocent, he will have the opportunity to prove it. If not, he needs help, but YOU cannot help him.

Susan

I have found adult porn on the computer before and confronted him about it although I really did not care... my guess is that he realizes that I can find things on the computer... if he is trying to hide this he is doing extremely well because I have went through the history, searches, files... everything.
I want to talk to him about it but I am concerned about his reaction.

True Real art, but so can even having the original copy. She is in a sticky situation one way or the other!+

"I want to talk to him about it but I am concerned about his reaction."

What do you mean?

Excuse me Fox, but there is a huge difference in speeding and child pornography or child molestation.

Susan

That's right, having the original in her possession put's her at risk for going to jail. She can loose custody of her child. There are lots of horrors here.

What did he say about the adult porn when you confronted him before? And I too would like to know what you mean about his reaction.

OK, so what is the deal here? You know he does adult porn, but did not know about child porn.

So, you are upset at finding kiddy porn.

You don't think he would lie to you, but you are scared of his reaction.

You don't want to turn him in.

So how can we help you?

Susan

DON'T rush to judgement, BUT protect yourself:
1) Make plans for you and your daughter to sleep elsewhere tonight - a friend or a motel. You don't need to tell the friend anything other than you're going to have a fight w/ your husband and you're upset and if they care for you they won't pry. DON'T slander your husband yet - how do you KNOW the disks are his? Maybe he confiscated them from a nephew yesterday, or an ex-girlfriend or business partner set him up? Happens...
2) If you have a lawyer, visit him today. If not, get one. Give him the disks, explain the whole situation. He'll want you to go to the police but tell him to wait one day.
3) Call your husband at work late in the day and ask him to meet you in a public place for dinner. Don't tell him anything else.
4) Tell him what you know, that you have involved a lawyer so you'll be safe, that you and your daughter are sleeping elsewhere (don't tell him where). Tell him your lawyer advised you MUST go to the police but you wanted to wait a few hours to here his story.
5) IF HE TRULY IS INNOCENT, he'll want to involve the police himself! He'll say he found this stuff, doesn't no how it got here but he didn't download it. He may want to get an attorney himself.
6) Any other response, and it's likely his. If he confesses this, insist he turn it in to the police, deal w/ the consequences, and get treatment immediately. Don't let him see your child until he does. When he's going through the process, you can decide what you want to do (divorce, etc).

He is not abusive in anyway as far as reactions are concerned... but I have never been faced with anything like this... I don't know what to expect... I'm not scared of him... just feeling submissive I guess. He'll want to control the situation to the best of his ability. Maybe I should tell him to see a therapist. He seemed like such a wonderful father and husband... this is a complete shock.

How do I approach him if I want to try to talk about it before hand?

Yes, but the context is the same. When was the last time you reported your spouse for doing something you knew was illegal - and how can you say with such gusto that you would rush to report them if you were in the same situation; you can't - and saying you would would be a lie...unless you have no cares about your marriage

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Chaster,

Although I feel for you right now, and know you are going through hell. But, I have told you my opinion, and a couple others have as well.

Patriot is right. fox is right.

But I cannot continue to go on this thread because I am so furious right now at the people that are so quick to just fry someone with out knowing anything. people like this make me sick. I hope to God that they are never picked for a jury.

You have to make up your own mind, and fight through your emotions to make a logical choice. Ruin his life, or talk to him and discuss options. He is your husband, it is your life together. Not ours! We do not know him. You are the one that has to deal with this not us.

IMO, the police is the last option. But you do what YOU need to do, Not us.

this being said, best of luck in what you do. I hope you think rationally not hastily.

See the whole thing is you have to confront what appears to be an addiction and it's not going to an easy confrontation.

In our mind this is true. However, I bet if you talk to a family who lost their child because someone was speeding lost control of their car and killed an innocent child, they probably don't see much of a difference.

One can not talk or reason with an addiction.

Chaster you never did say how he reacter when you confronted him on the adult porn. Did you object to it? And if so, how did he react?