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What frustrates me to no end about this thread being responded to (and trust me I get that this guy needs some help) is that many threads are getting little or even no responses. I personally wish we could focus on people who actually seem to appreciate help.


Are we talking about the post from the woman who found child porn as coach?


BW-28-me FWH-27 D-Day 10-04 Together- 13 yrs Married- 4 yrs EA- 3 months -turned into a weekend PA, he came home on Sunday and told me. HS/College Sweethearts
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A1-

YES, it was cheating, you were still married, so therefore it's adultery.....regardless of how long your wife was gone, or what she was doing while there.....even if she was having a full blown affair, and I'm not implying she was. (2 wrongs don't make a right)

You need to concentrate on HER emotional needs.....what is lacking in the relationship for HER......then take it from there.

You're refusal to admit that having a sexual relationship outside of your marriage as wrong leads me to believe perhaps YOU have some *issues*.

You ask for help on this site, and then choose to only listen to those who agree with you. Poor A1 his wife left him, who can blame him for boinking some other chick.

You are also HELLA condescending, implying we are all mindless and follow MB concepts because the Harley's are our leaders.....yeah, we're a cult, we have no free will.

BTW, Melody is a WONDERFUL person with TONS of fantastic insight..................it wouldn't hurt you to listen to what she has to say.

And, just an observation............I can't recall a single instance where MelodyLane's religious beliefs were brought into her advice to me or anyone else.

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

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Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
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Viv,

""Are we talking about the post from the woman who found child porn as coach?""

Coach3523 or some # like that after his name...The guy whose wife took a chunk out of his neck because she loved him so much, and was not going to go to his daughter's wedding because his W had an A with some professor and the W had to read a letter telling all about her transgressions to her kid's before the wedding.

Turned out to be total bullpoop...which we should have figured out.

Makes me much more suspicious now after being betrayed once..... boy that sounds familiar.

k


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Krusht,

True story. True personality.

Again, income was stated only once and that is because another site similiar to this one (well more of a divorce support group than a marriage support group) fried me left and right that I paid my wife to keep her mouth shut. I never could get them to understand that it was not a ransom it was simply what the state stated I had to pay, like it or not.

As for Laguna Beach, didn't mean to be that specific in my post. I have posted several message that had some personal information in them that I forget to remove when I post (names mainly) but usually I can get it corrected in time and I don't post that I edited it usually (or do so before I hit the post button). Didn't mean to yuppity. The sports car is the only reason why the mom say me so I had to tell that portion of the story otherwise how would she have seen me or perhaps I wasn't letting go of the OW properly etc. Just put it in there to clarify.

As for the 21 year old hottie. I get roasted all the time on that one too. Yes she was 21, it is a fact not a brag. I am a normal looking guy, I am balding, definitely the nerd type not the jock type. I make good money simply because I am good at what I do. I have only a high school diploma, come from a small town of 800 people. My parents barely make $40K a year between them. I get along great with them. Sorry for the name dropping. I was simply going through my outlook calendar and organizing my thoughts for the day in the post and I should have left out those details. It would have sufficed to simply say that I have a lot of meetings, but I have a tendency to share too much at times.

So Krusht, sorry for the way I came off (yeah a trend here I guess as faith's hubby so happily points out, wink wink)


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FaithHopeLove04,

I didn't think I was done with my wife, I knew I was. She then reacted very distraut and I don't like hurting people I love and respect (yeah this thread will balk at that I am sure). I still loved my wife for being my son's mom, for our history together, etc. I didn't want to hurt her. She took it horribly. She called the other woman and chewed her out telling her she was an adultress, that she destroyed a family, she was a slut, a b1tch, etc.

Then she told me that she will do everything in her power to make sure that my son is never around her. So if I plan to be with her then I will have to sacrifice spending time with my son because she will move back to California and live in a cardboard box if she has to in order to keep her son away from the other woman.

I called my lawyer, she said to do whatever I needed to do to keep her happy until my son got back to California. So I did that. Then she started doing decent things. She told me that she loved me. Started filling some of my emotional needs (nothing physical). Then she laid on the guilt and I felt obligated to try. Then a few weeks went by and I started to truly think that we might have a chance. Then another week or two and we had resolved huge issues in our marriage. Now I am letting her move back in so I can see if this is all just a short term thing or if we can truly make it work. She will be here in 36 hours.

Believe me when I was with this other woman. I was over my wife. That I know for certain. It is the unique turn of events that brought me closer to my wife again. How? When it was made up of threats? Of custody protection motives? I don't know, but it happened.

Yes I wronged the other woman. I know that. I also made a million mistakes in the marriage. I guided us towards the steps that led us to this point. I take responsibility for making errors. I know that. I live with it everyday.

Again I want to change.


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StandingTogether,

Yes I feel defensive because of the tone of this entire site, because of the religous ferver that runs through here that just irritates me to no end because of my past experience with my church and before that my realization that there was no God, because of people being so stubborn in their views, closed minded, stating dictionary definitions, etc.

I am trying to put down my guard. I have done so selectively and will do that with more people as I trust them.

You wanted the ENs one moment as I locate that thread and post it back here:

Wife's only (as requested):
Honesty and Openness 1
Affection 2
Admiration 3
Sexual Fulfillment 4
Family Commitment 5
Domestic Support 6
Conversation 7
Physical Attractiveness 8
Financial Support 9
Recreational Companionship 10


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Now here you go. So far I only see you trusting a couple people. Well, that'll come w/time I guess. And I was ok until you said this --

Quote
before that my realization that there was no God,


Now why'd you have to go & say that to ME of all people after I just got done telling you that I'm a highly spiritual person! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Goodness boy, what are we gonna do w/you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> J/K (just kidding) BTW (by the way). But I gotta warn you, sometimes the word God slips out sometimes (can't help it-it's part of who *I* am).

Okay, onto the other stuff. How do you propose to fill those ENs of your W's after she gets back? Seems like you've already started w/the honesty & openness. That might have been part of the reason why she was so insistent upon coming home. Now question is, are you brutally honest as in say whatever's on your mind w/o thinking or do you think first & try to put it in a way that will minimize the blow? I have a feeling I know which one it is, just curious what you think.


RBW (me) FWH lostboyz
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ActDon'tReact:

I am not coach nor I am making any of this up. It is all true, perhaps unbelievable, I know I feel like a story from Letters to Penthouse or an episode on Jerry Springer . . . but that is my life and I ahven't even got into the other stresses of my life. Self destructing? Perhaps.

You shouldn't be so threatened by the money or the job. Get over that part please. For the 8,000ith time I mention it only because in the divorce support groups they continued to state that I paid a ransom to my wife to keep her mouth shut for something otherwise I would have never paid that much money to her. I put the money as a justification for the high payouts. Job I gave too many details of by mere thought process of the time of going through my outlook calendar and outlining to the group why I wouldn't be able to post much today. I shouldn't have shared the detail but I did. Mistake, sure since it got people more miffed at me and for a silly reason.

I felt I was successful and secure until November 2003 when my world fell apart. In fact I told my parents shortly after my son was born that I couldn't be more happy, a wonderful happy, healthy, adorable baby, a loving, supportive, knock dead beautiful wife, I was making more than I ever imagined monetarily, and I owned 4,000 sq ft home. It couldn't get any better. I was right it couldn't, since then I have lost all the important things. I lost 50% of the time with my son, lost my wife, took a 20% pay cut, was forced to sell the nice home, and I am left completely lost having no clue what the next 3 years of my life will bring, as I could have never guessed how the last three would have been so grand and wretched in such a short span. However, I will recover. I must recover. It is who I am and what drives me internally. Overcome an obstacle and rise above it. I will do it, what will be the outcome though I do not know. Perhaps it will be with my wife (I truly hope so, or maybe it will be with someone else). I refuse to peak at 28 years old though.

Think what you wish of me, regarding the salesman job, the religion, or whatever else that paragraph said, it doesn't affect me, I am confident in myself and I am happy with who I am. You don't know me and aren't seeing every side of me. This will sound narcisstic, but I just don't care. I deal with rejection daily. I press on and find some other way to accomplish my goal. So perhaps you won't be someone who helps, that is fine. I move on. Sorry, just isn't a big deal to me.

My religious bitterness can be found in other posts. I am too lazy to repost them here for you.

My inmaturity? I am very inmature in this aspect of my life but not in all aspects of it. I have dated three woman in my life and had sex with two. I have very few notches in my bed posts and I prefer to keep it that way. I have very little experience in a relationship. But why should I follow anyone else blindly on such an important matter? I am digesting I am reading and writing trying to learn but I am doing it in my own way. If that bothers you that is your choice. We all have Free Agency, that is a gift from your God or a gift from my government (depending on the perspective).

I serve no one and no one serves me. We are all equal overall but some have greater strengths than others. Suicidals I have no respect for, that is my personal stance. It is the most selfish act a person can do. No, no personal experiences in my life with suicide or suicidals, just my personal beliefs that this world is all we get so . . . don't end it prematurely.


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Elle_35,

I was baptized when I was 15 years old after the LDS missionaries came in and taught me and my family (mom, dad, sister and I) the 6 lessons. I gravitated toward it the most out of everyone. I had always ended youth church groups eventhough my mother, father, or sister never attended. My dad was raised Seventh Day Adventist and my mom was raised Methodist.

We made the committment to get baptized and while the baptism was nothing special to me, the confirmation of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the laying on of hands to receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost was something very intense for me. It was as if someone had cracked an Ostrich egg on my head and I felt the Holy Spirit envelope me. I cried with the greatest joy at that moment in my life.

My family and I attended Church together for about a year when the Bishop told my dad that he had to get up in front of the congregation next week and bear his testimony to the congregation if he wanted to continue on the path of taking our family to the temple to be Sealed Together for Time and All Eternity. My dad dropped out of high school at the age of 16 to start work and help support his family. He is extremely intelligent but not well with his words and public speaking is by far his greatest fear. He told the bishop that he couldn't do it. The bishop told him that he had to do it. This went on for a couple of months and dad finally came home after church one day very upset and said that he was sorry that he led our family estray. That this could not be the true Church of God if this was a requirement in order to be together as a family forever. He told all of us to stop going to church. I told him he was being ridiculous and that, though I understood his personal fear, he should not let it cloud his mind about the principles and teachings and trueness of the Living Gospel. I told him that I still very much believed and would continue to go to church. To make a long story a bit short (but not much), I went on to be the Seminary President, Especially for Youth Leader at Rick's College, and later decided to go on an LDS mission. By then I had dated one of the High Counselman's daughters and we were sexually deviant (oral only). I confessed this to the Bishop though and it did not affect my ability to get admitted to BYU (though I feel my grades of a 3.85 GPA, National Honor Society President, Seminary President, plus me being a convert, did more to offset it than them just wanting to accept a deviant youth into BYU).

I broke up with the sexually deviant girlfriend (I was the other man by the way, she had a boyfriend in a nearby city) to cleanse myself of the inequity. I started dating my wife right afterwards (she was my bestfriend's sister) and we became sexually deviant quite quickly (but no oral). I left on my mission 8 months later.

I entered the Missionary Training Center and I saw what my soul should have never saw. I learned there that the lessons are all preplanned. That the questions we had, everyone has and it wasn't the Lord guiding the prayers and the scriptures that we read it was a well planned out set of progression to get the student to baptism. After baptism it doesn't stop though. There is aplan for them after that too. A plan to engage the fellow members of the church with them so that they can relate to them and be friends with them so that they can keep them in the fold more easily. God was quickly being replaced by a well thought out, very effective sales pitch. One were you build on common beliefs, build relationships of trust, use a sense of discovery and goal setting and resetting to lead the customer (excuse me) child of God toward a particular goal. I concept of line upon line and precept upon precept. If asked about Heavenly Mother, deny it because it is too early in their development to accept that yet, if there is talk about Kolob, ignore it or laugh it off they will learn those principles when the Lord is ready to reveal it to them, now would not be the time, I was to teach Faith, Repentance, Baptism and the Gift of the Holy Ghost, nothing more. The basics.

My own Faith was wearing thin. I exited the Missionary Training Center and went my mission home in Ogden, UT (yes I was sent to Ogden, UT of all places). There I had the 'opportunity' to server in Bountiful, UT and in the area right near the temple. At the time it was 99% active LDS members and the one inactive was an anti-mormon (talk about swimming upstream). We taught the inactive members of the church. We had dinners and lunches with Apostles, members of the Seventy and other presigious church leaders. What did I learn? I learned that the wife of one of the Apostles was so lonely and distraught about her husband being gone so much that she broke down and cried at dinner. My companion and I tried to consull her but her thought processes were ones I had to agree with. If the church was so pro family why hasn't the apostle seen his in months? (He was traveling abroad, I believe Jerusalem) I also found out that eventhough the church didn't pay its leaders it did pay for leaving expenses (and quite well I might add) but they did not give a salary. A half-truth and only one of many.

Despite that I stayed on my mission but began to swim upstream a bit. I got transferred to Tremonton, UT and there I was with a companion that had a serious Word of Wisdom problem but I didn't rat him out. However I lost more of my testimony when he would drink to complete drunkeness on friday and Saturday night then give a sermon on Sunday (several times, several different churches) about how important it was to obey the Word of Wisdom and how his following of it in his life has blessed him in so many countless ways. Then many of the congregation would come up and tell him how they felt the Spirit and would be crying and blah blah blah. I was thinking if you only knew this guy is fighting a hangover, if you even knew what a hangover was . . .

The story gets much longer but more or less 9 months in I said f it I am done. I rented a car and drove 12 hours home. [wife] and I started dating. Started having sex. Got married in the Temple (yes, unworthy) went to church for another year and then. . .stopped going. I became an atheist during that time period from the MTC to about 18 months after marriage. I defined myself as Atheist about 3 years into our marriage. I got disfellowshipped when I went to the church asking them for marital help about a year ago. I told them all details trying to be open and honest with them and a God that I felt didn't exist but perhaps did and could help me. They responded with a disfellowship and a message to pray. Nothing more.

Kind of the icing on the cake.

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StandingTogether,

Brutal honesty of course. LOL

For my religious background see the other posts.


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a1b2...

I can really relate to how you feel about religion. I've been through similar disappointments and frustrations. I am not a fan of organized religion, I'm not affiliated with any church, nor will I ever be. I do not call myself a Christian.

I went through a time when I was pretty sure there wasn't a God. I still kept searching, there was something in me that felt faith in God was for me but no real direction of where to find him. I couldn't rely on the church. I wasn't sure I could trust many of his people (I have many stories like you). So much of what seemed like sin to me all in the name of God.

You know, from reading your posts you've come to a logical conclusion based on the words and actions (or inaction) of PEOPLE that has caused you to walk away from a faith in God. I decided I wanted my faith in God. That faith is between God and myself. I don't have to depend on anyone (people or the church) to have my faith. It's personal. I actually don't share the same beliefs with many people I know. Athiests seem to relate to me well because I feel the same way as them about many aspects but am still able to have my faith. My H is an athiest and we have the best convo's.

The one thing I urge of you and the reason for my post is to not let them (organized religion and the people who distort religion) take from you something so precious as your faith. Then you have truly allowed them to do the utmost damage. You own your faith and a relationship with God is personal. No one can take that from you if you don't let them.

Take care,
Symphony

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We just wanted to put Act's post back at the forefront of this thread for a few reasons...

-We most definitely agree with it. Well said Act!
-We believe that a1 is trying to post as much as possible in hopes that others miss it and he can continue his drama.
-As Viv pointed out in an earlier post their are actually people on this board that are in need of help in applying Marriage Builders principles to their situations and they are being neglected because we are all so caught up in this STORY/SOAP OPERA !

We would like to propose that until a1 begins a new thread asking questions about things that he can do to help his marriage with the use of MB principles that we all leave him to further his "yarn spinning" on a board for people looking for this summer's must buy "beach novel".

Mr & Mrs. Wondering

Quote
Not to jump on the bandwagon (once somebody is called out, it always seems to take on a life of its own). I, too, have speculated on the "Coach" thing. (for those unknowing it was recently a very popular thread which was apparently an elaborate fake story purposely delivered with titillation to perhaps seek attention or a writer developing a fiction story – still unconfirmed). The one step forward, one step back approach with a slowly evolving story-line looks familiar. I never saw Coach do this; but, it's a great way to get attention - the big footing around other threads with obnoxious "help" in order to perhaps draw attention to his own thread and enhance his "popularity".

On the other hand, it may be a reach for even the 50+ year old Coach to portray the immaturity displayed by a1b2. He's 28/29 and his thought processes reminds me of a 19 year old at college trying to find his way in the world. Only he's got money, a big time job, responsibilities and perceived prestige. I actually feel so sorry for him and that’s why I encouraged him to post and keep posting. I still have some hope he may get it.

If he is real, he is a small town boy that has abandoned his small town roots, his (as others elsewhere say) cult-like religion, and perhaps his family to live in the big city. Though he has abandoned his past and his God, he thinks he's made it. He believes he's successful and secure. He’s overcome his past and operating at a higher level than those around him (especially here for some reason). The religion of "a1b2", is paying off for him. In spite of this, he still lives in his own fantasy world. A narcissistic salesperson with the power to manipulate those around him to do, say and act as he wants sans his wife. He's in a world where he views others as objects that serve him, his needs, his happiness and his fulfillment. I would likely guess he believes his success comes from his ability at work to "sell" others as opposed to his ability to serve others. He smiles and glad hands his customers but despises and/or ridicules them behind their backs. His relationship with his wife reeks of immaturity. His letters though written with adult words and great prose remind me of my feelings when I got hurt/dumped in high school. He has little to no experience with women and what it means to be a man...as he is barely one himself. All these problems and he balks at looking inward (though he fakes it from time to time). Instead he hides himself on the internet, from site to site, trying on differing persona’s, engaging in meaningless arguments, applying his apparent sharp mind to deflect, avoid, and disregard any affronts to the religion of himself. He seeks out multiple counselors and therapists whom he believes he is superior to. At best he is unaware of his seeming narcosis, maybe he thinks he is seeking proverbial wisdom but really the entire time he is merely abusing and exploiting others good will and time.

If you are who you say you are come here to ask questions and listen. Chew on the advice, digest it before you respond. Act, don’t react. You do have a tremendous amount of growing up to do.

All and all you mostly appear lost. So lost your story has become unbelievable. Many here would love to help you find your way but you apparently don't see the need to grow up. But yet you're here. Why? The people here know more about life and marriage than anyone I have meet, known or talked to elsewhere. Your wife is coming back to you and you are going to need to man up. When you got married you made a vow to God, it’s only convenient and perhaps somewhat understandable how you don’t believe in Him now. God didn’t promise you happiness, but He did give you the greatest gift of all, a Wife. You owe it to yourself to find your own happiness and fulfillment with her and I applaud you for taking this first leap of faith and bringing her back into your home. Like I said before, it’s going to be an arduous journey, but worth it. Are you mature enough or man enough to make it work? I don’t know – it doesn’t appear so.

Now I find myself here to, continuing to feed into your egocentric hostility, inviting you to continue here, appreciating your apparent progress and offering words of encouragement along with deserved 2 x 4’s. I wish I could believe you were actually progressing, but I fear not. Not really. More likely I think that you are playing a game with us, to YOUR amusement only. I am not upset with you, more disappointed in you. No more for me. Enjoy "your" thread. I valued the help I received here on MB and will continue to dedicate my time and efforts to those that may actually value my help. I'm done with you and I doubt very, very much that you really care.


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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I still say it is nice to have the history all in one place. I would suggest that he just change the title to a new question or whatever so we know what help he'd like or that he's ready to get help rebuilding his marriage.

I am sure that stuff will come up when his wife gets back home. Maybe he could start a new thread over in Recovery...although there tends to be less traffic there.


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Yep, a1, sweetie...you're one of us. I thought so. You had all the signs.

I don't know if you've been to the Recovery from Mormonism site, but there's a bulletin board there that might help you out when you need to talk about all this. I've been a poster there for a few years. It helps... sometimes it gets kinna rough there. It's a fast-moving place.

How does your wife feel about Mormonism? All this Marriage Board stuff doesn't apply if she's still a devout believer. If she's in, and you're out, there will never be any Plan A or Plan B that will ever work. Worlds without end.

Here's someting else you may want to consider: Resigning formally from the Mormon Church. Once you have been disfellowshipped or excommunicated, even if you are fully reinstated you need to know that YOUR RECORD is PERMANENTLY FLAGGED. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter how much personal repenting you do, your record is red-tagged for anyone in a bishopric (or higher level) to see.

Oh well, you might say, not such a big deal... right? Hang on... the Church Office Building now has a 1-888 phone number that priesthood leaders can call (once again, that means pretty much anyone on the bishopric level or higher) where--according to my sources on RFM-- they can enter your membership record number and get the details of your "Court of Love". Was someone at your court taking notes? Those notes, or a copy of those notes, may now be in downtown SLC, Utah. Happy day!

Even if there was a Jesus or a God who could forgive you of your, um, "sins", the Church will not ever forgive or forget. You are a second-class citizen. Nothing you can do, no calling you ever hold or amount of tithing you ever pay, is going to change that mark on your record. You move into a new ward in another state... your co-worker could be in your bishopric, and... even if you never attend a day of Church... they'll know.

My story: Born into the Church, daughter of the pioneers & polygamists, raised in your old mission area... kewl. BYU grad, married another Mormon, mission AP, great guy. When I was 27 discovered that Joseph Smith married other men's wives--including the wives of "worthy" men who officiated at the sealing ceremonies! Yuck. And then he pressured Helen Mar Kimball into a marriage with him... he was 37, she was 14. Double-yuck.

I freaked out. I still believed the Church Was True, but I thought that my understanding of the Gospel was all wrong... I tried to do what I could to be worthy, to accept Heavenly Father's Plan for Me... which apparently might include polygamy up in Heaven. (insert gagging sound....now). After a few months of struggling, I thought that I should probably let my husband off the hook and move on with someone more worthy & more Mormon than myself (and hey, I was pretty Mormon... but you never really feel completely good enough, do you?...).

Thus my own brief affair. I'm not proud.

I confessed to my bishop (and everyone else in the bishopric) because I thought the Spirit could help put me back on track. Nope, nope, nope! I got about what you did. A letter, and a pat on the head. And of course they got the whole confession story from me... they wanted every single detail. When I think of all the things I said to that room full of men, I want to die. And they took notes.

I was refellowshipped a few months later.

I became very devout for two years, and then one day I went to the library and started reading, reading, reading.... the history that the Church doesn't want you to read. Suddenly it all made sense. The pieces fit. But leaving the Church is like leaving The Matrix. Part of you will always miss what you had. And you'll lose friends, family, and yes, even your spouse.

Sorry if this is too long and rambling. Hang in there.

Did I ask this already---how is your wife's testimony of the True Church, Brother a1? Is she still a believer?

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Elle_35,

I am not an anti-Mormon (sounds like you crossed over). However, I am most definitely not a supporter anymore. I can confirm that there are indeed detail membership records (mentioned this in my session with the bishopric and, yes, ward clerk--taking nots of course--the bishopric denied it). I told them that I used to use the records in Bountiful, UT in order to discover the members that had taken a hand or two off of the Iron Rod. They all said they had never seen such records and that I must be mistaken. I told them that I used them for three months on a daily basis. I had conversations with members of the Seventy about them. That I was in the stake meetings wherein 'dutiful prayer' consisted of flipping through these records. They still denied it. I told them fine they can lie about it if they wish but I knew why the ward clerk was there. Didn't know about the 888 number but makes sense. I did know about the membership records being tied to this level of detail though.

I think you went a little to anti-Mormon but that is your own choice. I have read a lot of deep doctrine and have never once came across the Joseph Smith marrying other men's wives thing. I know that him and Brigham have had dozens upon dozens of when sealed to them after they died but have never ran across what you state. I have read the original Adam God theories (actually makes good sense to me) and have seen how version one of a set of works is completely different than the versions they may print today, that irritates me.

My wife is a bic (for you non-mormons, born in the church) and still has an unwavering faith. I respect her for it as I am not able to have such a faith. Her mom has articles published frequently in the Ensign and her grandfather was a temple patriarch (yeah, they are in deep). She however married me, a rebel and a rebel that becomes more rebellious in the face of scripture totting conservatists. She plans to raise our son in the church and I do not object as long as I can be open with my views that I believe the church is an organization of men and that religion may or may not be true. I don't want my son to be atheist but I don't want him to be close minded.

The funniest thing of all is that I can 'fake it' better than most and my knowledge of the scriptures, my ability to pray when I am called to do at the in-laws is 'spritually moving' (which is really nothing more than being emotionally moving), etc.

I have no interest in becoming an anti-Mormon. I still refuse to say my temple name or my spouse's temple name. I figure that I may be wrong. I don't want to utter the name and then have my eternity damn3d because of it or worse have my wife's.

By the way, my wife never plans on confessing to the church for her role in the horrible mistakes we made in our marriage. I encourage that decision considering she will most definitely be marked for life. I told her to see a Catholic confessional though if she wants to get it off her chest, she told me that she can repent on her own to God.

For I remember the word of God which saith by their works ye shall know them; for if their works be good, then they are good also.
Moro. 7: 5

I appreciate your offer to have me visit the site you suggest, but I respectfully decline.


WH (after 1 year legal seperation) B: 09/1976 M: 06/1997 Legally Seperated: 07/2004 Wife moved back in 08/21/2005 vacilating between withdrawal and conflict
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Was Sad Tiger,

Thank you for you post. Justified? Something I hadn't considered.

Sorry for not responding sooner. Didn't see your post until I started deleting.


WH (after 1 year legal seperation) B: 09/1976 M: 06/1997 Legally Seperated: 07/2004 Wife moved back in 08/21/2005 vacilating between withdrawal and conflict
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np a1 - sorry to have been so blunt.

Hang in there, & be nice to Melody!

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a1b2,
First of all, I am so sorry for what your "church" did to you. That is not showing God's love, that is just plain sad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I read your story with great interest as I have had many experiences with Mormons. I grew up with one in school. She was literally the most miserable girl I ever knew and her family was a disaster. Of course I have known some others that were not as miserable. We had many mormons in NC, and of course, the cute, polite, clean cut missionaries in our home, where I listened with curiosity to hear how they would pitch it to us, since I already knew far more than they would disclose. They indeed tried the laughing off approuch, but did admit to me that they "baptise" the dead, so to speak. I saw clearly how they will focus ONLY on the beliefs that are very similar to fundamental Christianity - leaving us to question them as to why we would change if our beliefs were the same! The only answer being that our family could be together for all eternity if we were Mormon.

My sister's friend recently married a Mormon, in the temple in Orlando. She was raised Catholic - from Peurto Rico. Her own mother was not allowed to attend her wedding. The couple was heading for divorce before they'd been married a year. They are now trying to break free from the control and are attending a non-denominational Christian church.

a1b2, maybe at some time you might consider that you seem to have gone from one extreme (a cult) to another (atheism), never really experiencing the basic, plain, simple, accepting love of our Heavenly Father through people who just love Him form their hearts, without all the hoopla. It is understandable, a natural reaction even. Atheism as a reaction to a bad experience with "religion".

You are an intelligent man, that is plain to see. I know how it is - not always a blessing, sometimes a bit of a curse. I say that because I am certifiable, lol, just kidding, I am officially "gifted", meaning I have a high IQ - was tested as a child and spent my middle and high school years at a "School for the Gifted". I say that jsut to say that in my own experience and in observation of others, I have seen that very intelligent people like to think and think and think, and we trust our brains a lot. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> We think about it forwards and backwards and sideways and inside out. Which is great, but sometimes our best human understanding is our worst enemy. Because I firmly believe we can't see the whole picture.

It is good that you don't "just accept" things. I am the same way. And believe it or not, I bristle at LostHusband just like you sometimes. Heck, I wasn't too happy the first time he posted to me. But I soon grew to adore his heart and see the wisdom in his words. I often joke with him, saying, "Now Billy, what would LostHusband say about this?" When I first was getting to know him, I was often surprised that he had a great sense of humor and a very sensitive heart. We have talked many times about the way he comes across on MB. That is just his style here, sometimes it works, other times, people may take offense. But believe me, his words of wisdom are hard won and he is one of the most insightful people I know - well, probably the most.

I see your guard starting to come down little by little, and that is very important when it comes to learning and receiving from others. I am glad.

I hope that when your wife arrives, that you will keep us updated and keep coming back for some more irritating, annoying, opinionated, judgmental advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


26 years old
2 DD's, 3 and 6
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MARRIED to LostHusband 7/23/05!!
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Oh, and btw, my typing in no way reflects on my intelligence! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I CAN spell, believe it or not, but I never learned to type! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


26 years old
2 DD's, 3 and 6
Divorced after XWH's A
MARRIED to LostHusband 7/23/05!!
3 step DD's, 15, 13, 10
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No problem. Fwiw, I've never considered myself an "anti" Mormon, just an informed one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good luck w/your marriage. Sounds like your wife is devout... and if she's devout... you cheated. But methinks you knew that already.

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