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jaysmom Offline OP
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ICK!!!!!

just need to vent tonight to anyone who cares to check in.

so i'm flippin' channels right. H and Jay are in the living room...playing a game and i'm just keeping to myself in the bedroom. flippin' around.

on one of our local channels...it's local churches, services, christian music...etc. I like to watch sometimes...catch my mom singing, i also like a couple of other pastors and will watch them at times.

so i stop to watch and guess who's church happens to be on, and at the very min. i watch...the camera pans the crowd, stops right in front of OW and her H...singing top of her lungs..."how great thou art"

I can't even watch TV...dang it. can't even enjoy freakin' TV. her icky self right there. beside her H....singing one of the greatest hymns....

UGGGHHHH.

so i probably just LB'd all over myself but i don't really care right now. I yelled at H to come in the bedroom and i just couldn't help myself. camera had moved on by the time he got in here. but i told him. just basically what i said here. " trying to watch TV and there she stands beside her H, singing 'how great thou art' all the while she is doing my H" he of course acted like he didn't know what i was talking about...never says a word.

so if i messed up by doing that ....i don't care. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!!! this is soooo exhausting. i just don't care.

Tonight he was here again. called me at work to ask me about supper and when jake and i would be coming home. He has been here alot lately but it isn't over with her. I know. I just don't understand what is going on right now.

It almost seems that he is seeing the grass isn't so green anymore, but he isn't sure he wants to let go of her either. Seems more interested in me, but not committing. My friend thinks guilt is what is keeping him from being affectionate towards me but i don't know.

Why is he with us all the time??? why??? good Lord how long do they live in the fog???? When will this ever end??? and why does she not have to hurt?????

starting to feel like nothing i do is right.

Venting my heart out tonight guys.

weirdest part of it all tonight....i'm glad she was in church, glad she knows the hymn and i hope she will believe those words in her heart..."how great thou art" He is, my God is...and i hope she knows that as well... the pain and suffering she has caused me and my son...will soon weigh heavy upon her.

going to bed guys!!!

Jaysmom


BW: 37
WH: 38
DS: 8
M: 8-26-95
D-Day: 8-24-05
Seperated: 8/24/05 WH was living next door at his mom's hanging out at our house all the time until... AUGUST 28th, 2007....I moved out...2008 we started reconciling...still seperated but moving forward...getting ready to move back together...until boom JUNE 2010....a new affair begins...NOW...

I have filed for Divorce.

Living by God's grace daily!!!!
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Jaysmom,
I can't believe OW showed up on your tv. That bites.

Thanx for asking about my family in TN, yes, the tornado hit one mile from their house and they have no power, but they are safe and their house is okay. They said it's a real mess there though, lots of damage.

My family's ok. H quit his job and is looking for a new one, so that's been busy and stressful. All still net results from the A... not a new A, but still fallout from the A at his last job as far as we're concerned. Anyway, we're doing fine.

You are so right about how you finished your latest post, our God IS great, and OW will pay the price for what she's doing if she doesn't turn from it, and so will your WH.

Your WH has certainly shown that he can sit on the fence forever. You have given up a lot of your power. He obviously loves you, and as you yourself said doesn't want you to be with anyone else but doesn't think he wants you either. Believe me, he does want you, he just can't see it because he thinks that choice is up to him.

Have you considered doing something to kick this in to a higher gear? If you can't move (?), can you file for a legal separation or divorce?

Your WH needs some serious counseling to get to the root of this depressive, manipulative behavior. His "sad" act is tiring you out I think. He wants you to constantly rescue him. He needs to be accountable for his own decisions. When he pouts, maybe he's supposed to be uncomfortable. Maybe God wants him to be uncomfortable. I tried to rescue & comfort my H out of a lot of discomfort that I now realize God wants him to feel. I don't try to rescue him from it anymore, not in the same way I used to. I mean, I'll talk to him, but if he's being manipulative (even unknowingly) to get me to come running I just let it go. It was a very co-dependent thing we had going on, and I recognize it in your WH. Makes me think you must respond to it. Because he wouldn't do it if it didn't work.

Just some things to chew on for today, hope you are well too!

MSA


BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
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Hi JM!!

I'm so sorry that I have been absent lately, we are SO busy at work (it's spring, and all the farmers need our electronics to WORK!!! So I gotta fix tons of probs...)

I usually post from work, kinda "safer" than from home...I've been thinking of you, of course! I just gave your thread a brief skim, sounds like your WH is maintaining this screwed up status quo. So sorry to hear this...

Nothing much new for me either, drafted an exposure letter, haven't sent it, I just needed a break from this, been working on myself, W has been treating me much better lately, claims OM is gone but I don't know... I too am familiar with living in a crappy status quo...

I hope you're OK, hope Jay is doing well. I'm sure he's as silly as ever...hehe. Dunno what else to say, I need to read your thread better, just keep being you... cuz YOU are obviously a great person!

I'll make a point to check in soon!

l8r! CJ

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jaysmom Offline OP
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Hey guys!!!

hope everyone is well...CJ...I am soooo glad your alive...i was thinking something just terrible had happened to you!!!!

i've been very busy myself lately. It's been soooooo nice here. We've been outside everyday "playing" Jay loves jumping on the trampoline.

hope everyone had a blessed Easter. it was 86 here and just beautiful.

I am confused about things right now. Don't even know where to start really. Easter was good. H came to church with us and then to my mom's afterwards. H has changed so much (since the MIL episode) this is what i am sooooooooooo confused about.

It seems as though he is out of the fog. He seems like his old self. he doesn't appear or sound to be like he did. But he still hasn't committed to me or anything...yet he is here more and more and out very little. i guess that is what gets me....if he is "out" of the fog...am i expecting too much too soon from him? i mean, what should i expect? i've read the stuff about the fog...but i guess i'm asking is it normal for a WS to come out of the fog, and realized the mess that has been made and need time to figure out where to start and what to do?

for the first time in 8 months i am really not sure he is still with OW. I think there is still contact...they still see each other because of work....and i think they are still sneaking around some...BUT...he seems to not be ...oh gosh i can't find the words to describe here. i hope you get the picture here. He is more interested in me and trying to keep me happy and seems less interested in anything else.

its just confusing.

hope everyone is doing well....

CJ---hope your sitch is getting better....!

gotta get my butt in bed...early am surgery...yipee!!

later guys! Jaysmom


BW: 37
WH: 38
DS: 8
M: 8-26-95
D-Day: 8-24-05
Seperated: 8/24/05 WH was living next door at his mom's hanging out at our house all the time until... AUGUST 28th, 2007....I moved out...2008 we started reconciling...still seperated but moving forward...getting ready to move back together...until boom JUNE 2010....a new affair begins...NOW...

I have filed for Divorce.

Living by God's grace daily!!!!
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Posts: 601
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where are you Jaysmom

LindaBB


Me BSx2 63

1st M 13yrs WS Multiple As.

DD45 DD43 DS41 first marriage.

Him WS 56 P/A. PA + Multiple EAs from day one.

Current M. 26years

D Days 10/02, 11/02, 01/03, right up to 03/06

NC since 03/2006

Me Stage IV Breast Cancer since 36months,

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1).Titus wife, Linda
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I'm lookin for ya too, hope your OK...

CJ

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jaysmom Offline OP
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You guys are too sweet! I'm here. Actually haven't been on here much...just very busy!

don't have much to report. My H is here almost everyday when i get home from work. since his route changed a bit i don't know exactly when he gets finished. Since the MIL thingy things have changed so much. Each day he seems to be closer to the man i married. to the real H not this WS, but i still have no answers. He refuses to make any promises or anything to me. still won't talk about anything, but i don't press the issue....what good does that do....gets me NO WHERE. the time he is out is mainly only Saturdays. He is off and the past 3 or so has been gone most all day...but once he gets to his moms...comes right down here. the rest of the week...he is here. so if they are still together...the time is very limited.

I believe they are still talking and seeing each other. What i don't understand is what is happening. they are NOT seeing as much of each other. His mood is different. he cares what i think, he worries about me, calling me all the time, taking me and jay here and there at times, fixes supper....just being alot like he was. But he isn't trying to fix anything. Oh but i can tell, my gut tells me....things are changing in him, changing with her.

but what? that i don't get. What is happening? She doesn't have the hold she once did. I can just sense it. God given instinct i guess, but why doesn't he stop it?

I get the feeling that now he is doing alot more lying to her about his where abouts as he did with me in the beginning. its almost like we've reversed roles. still he doesn't talk about us. that is driving me nuts. after all that has gone on between us i am so uneasy and it's like he doesn't get it. I live day in and out not knowing what the heck...because he doesn't say anything. and he just thinks its okay i guess....

Maybe i am crazy after all.

this has just kicked my butt. and with everything else going on in my life....i just don't have the energy to care anymore. Honestly i just feel as though i am drained physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I'm so glad that God loves me regardless. I break down at least once a day, usually in the shower...that is where i do my venting...Jay isn't around and its safe....God is so good to put up with me. I feel like he just pats me on the head and says...i'm here....go ahead...let it out...i'll give you strength...just lean on me. And when i'm done...i feel Gods strength and peace. i realize God's timing is perfect...but i'm getting really impatient.

You guys are the best! checking in on me. I pray for you all daily! and i hope everyones sitch is better!

Do you know what my son just did? He was shoving the cat in the freezer. what if i had not caught him...don't even want to go there....earlier this evening he was trying to brush their teeth. No he doesn't torment them daily...:)

check in later guys!

Jaysmom


BW: 37
WH: 38
DS: 8
M: 8-26-95
D-Day: 8-24-05
Seperated: 8/24/05 WH was living next door at his mom's hanging out at our house all the time until... AUGUST 28th, 2007....I moved out...2008 we started reconciling...still seperated but moving forward...getting ready to move back together...until boom JUNE 2010....a new affair begins...NOW...

I have filed for Divorce.

Living by God's grace daily!!!!
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 200
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jaysmom Offline OP
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okay friends...i need you. i need advice.

when i posted the other day i didn't get into anything...i think at that time i just didn't want to acknowledge it. but i can't keep it in anymore. the past 2 days i have just been a complete mess inside. not a sad, pitiful mess...no more like a disgusted at everything mess.

things are so much better. when i step back and look at where i started and how much has changed for the better i see good. I see improving...i see my H coming back to his old self. I see my H who i loved more than anything. i should be happy right??? he's here. He is interested in me, starting to go out with us, is here almost ALL the time except sleeping. things are getting sooooo much better with him.

but what about me? what the heck has happened to me? i have fought so hard for better....but its not good enough right now. did you catch the above..."i see the H who i LOVED"

don't get me wrong...i KNOW that i love him. i know that i want this. I see the progress...but the past few days i just feel like i don't care. i'm exhausted.

the past few days...i sit and stare at him...when he doesn't notice and i look at him and think...about all the crap that i have put up with and how he just sits there in our home, all comfortable acting and how he threw his weight around in the beginning blaming and making up his garbage ....for that old piece of nasty skank.....the thoughts racing in my mind of how i should leave him and let him roll around in the floor in pain and suffering...because he cannot live without me. cannot...that is obvious to us all....

he notices my moods. drives him crazy. starting to act as he did all thru our M. anytime he thought i was upset, angry, ....he would tease me and joke with me until i would smile...or laugh....he has been doing alot of that this week. then i let the bitterness go...because...i see him...the man i love.

then he leaves...and the bitterness starts up again. like now...see... what has happened to me? is this normal? there isn't a darn thing normal about me...how could it be?

i just can't stand the fact that he doesn't talk about anything. doesn't talk about us. I told him today that i was sick and tired of hearing how "confused" he was and how he "just don't know what i want" in regards to our M. i said you know....you waltzed out taking over our checking account, refusing to allow me to use it, blaming me for everything....and here we are 8 months later and your still freakin' confused. i said...you know you haven't had to face life without me and Jay...maybe you should...maybe you should see what your life will be like without us in it....since you are SOOOOO CONFUSED.

i said...your not confused ....your just not finished with ( and i usually always call her .......'s wife...just to remind him she is married)....

he gets soooo mad anytime i refer to what he is doing and with whom. and i don't even give a....... if that is LBing. i don't care if i LB'd all over the place...after 7 flippin' months of Plan A....i deserve it.

besides...i can't Plan A the rest of my life.

what is wrong with me? i am just in a mood. but the mood is lasting alot longer than i expected.

thanks for hearing me vent. i needed to get it out. feeling better now...going to bed!

later guys! JM


BW: 37
WH: 38
DS: 8
M: 8-26-95
D-Day: 8-24-05
Seperated: 8/24/05 WH was living next door at his mom's hanging out at our house all the time until... AUGUST 28th, 2007....I moved out...2008 we started reconciling...still seperated but moving forward...getting ready to move back together...until boom JUNE 2010....a new affair begins...NOW...

I have filed for Divorce.

Living by God's grace daily!!!!
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Posts: 601
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So do the plan B now. He is just calmly waling back into your life - no honesty no sorry no explanation or owning up to you, no making it good - and you are mad if you don't just fall back into his arms.

Is this how it feels to you? Is this how his attitude feels.

Do the plan B. Tell him he can't just waltz back in like nothing has happened. Tell everyone again - get MIL to help you change the locks - set times for him to see Jay and let him pick him up and take him to his Mom's or out.

It is time - you are feeling all the indignation you deserve to. time to be your own best friend and kick his A... to the kerb until he fesses up and is contrite. Jesus didn't tell wives to just let their husbands commit adultery. He gave them permission to divorce what God had put together.

Jesus didn't say just forgive them, let them walk right back in as if nothing has happened - he said if your brother comes to you and is truly repentant - repentant - that means admitting it to all and making good by changing behaviour - owning it and not sweeping it under the rug.

Be a Christian wife - you owe it to you and Jay and Jesus. Jay will not be hurt, just tell him it is a new game Mummy and Daddy are playing - like Jay plays with the cats - he does outrageous things and they are still OK.

Time to act - before you implode.

Linda


Me BSx2 63

1st M 13yrs WS Multiple As.

DD45 DD43 DS41 first marriage.

Him WS 56 P/A. PA + Multiple EAs from day one.

Current M. 26years

D Days 10/02, 11/02, 01/03, right up to 03/06

NC since 03/2006

Me Stage IV Breast Cancer since 36months,

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1).Titus wife, Linda
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Quote
okay friends...i need you. i need advice.

when i posted the other day i didn't get into anything...i think at that time i just didn't want to acknowledge it. but i can't keep it in anymore. the past 2 days i have just been a complete mess inside. not a sad, pitiful mess...no more like a disgusted at everything mess.

things are so much better. when i step back and look at where i started and how much has changed for the better i see good. I see improving...i see my H coming back to his old self. I see my H who i loved more than anything. i should be happy right??? he's here. He is interested in me, starting to go out with us, is here almost ALL the time except sleeping. things are getting sooooo much better with him.

but what about me? what the heck has happened to me? i have fought so hard for better....but its not good enough right now. did you catch the above..."i see the H who i LOVED"

don't get me wrong...i KNOW that i love him. i know that i want this. I see the progress...but the past few days i just feel like i don't care. i'm exhausted.

Well hi there, JM.
I think Dr. Harley or Chalmers would insert here that LOVE, feeling IN LOVE, is triggered by your emotional needs being met. Your Love Bank being filled by your H as it were. If one of your top EN's is Honesty, and it is for many many people, then your FWH (WH/H) is not meeting this need for you, which will build the wall around your heart of self-protection, which leads to no emotional vulnerability, which leades to mistrust, which leads to no intimacy, which does NOT lead to feeling "in love" - especially for us ladies I think. We need to feel safe. Your H isn't making you feel emotionally safe by keeping his personal life "private" from his WIFE.

I would implore both of you, if your H is saying he wants to work on this M, to counsel with the Harleys. It is time for your H to get honest about what has been going on with him this year.

But if you don't take a stand now and demand what you and your marriage need to grow into a healthy relationship, an honest relationship, your H isn't going to insist on it either. It's painful for him to dredge up the bad stuff he's done, he won't volunteer it.

Just thoughts, from my experience,
MSA


BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 948
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JM, you around??
MSA


BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 200
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jaysmom Offline OP
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Hey MSA...!

Hey guys!!! Haven't been around in a while. Keeping busy. Jay keeps me running. I remember how a few months ago i didn't think i could survive without being on here every min.

don't get me wrong i enjoy it here...i just am able to breathe now...thanks to God and thanks to my friends here! MSA...if you had not responded to me those first few months...i don't know what i would've done...God put you here for me at the right time...MANY thanks to you!!...

CJ...he just kept putting a smile on my face...i miss your posting friend...you sure did pick me up on down days...and Linda...thank you for your care and advice also....

all of you!!! i pray for you all daily....i hope your sitch is good!

things are still strained. still have had no honesty. the only thing he has said to me recently concerning anything was that he didn't want to divorce. Not exactly those words...but that was the point. which i consider huge for this man, given he has not said ANYTHING.

they are not together as often....much...much less, but they are still seeing one another pretty sure of it. they don't talk in the evenings unless its after he leaves us to sleep at his moms....so they don't talk past around 5 pm.

that is what is weird to me....someone help me figure this...i'm stumped. what does that mean? that the A is on the down spiral? is that how they fall apart usually? what does the ending of an A look like?

He doesn't seem to be in a fog anymore....everything about him is changing...gradually though....he seems to be almost his old self...but...not. i can't understand the gradual changing...i didn't think he would gradually move back to his old self...his old life...i guess i thought it would be a sudden thing...like a breakdown or something...is the gradual thing normal?

its not like its fog anymore, its still there sometimes but very rare....different...i can't explain it. i can't find the words today guys.

things within me are different. I feel like i have run a 1000 miles non stop....exhausted and don't care much anymore.

well guys...just wanted to say hi and let you know i am still around.....gotta get some work done....

Linda...this is for you...

today was "bring your pet to school" day at the preschool...Jay....begging..."please, mom...Please...i NEED to take buttas to school....its pet day...I hafto!!!"

after reasoning with him forever ...WH and myself....he decides he will be fine with just taking the girls picture with him...

we go in today...there sits all the little doggies and such in the carriers....the sobs started..."you mean woman....didn't let me bring my fat buttas...."

can you imagine poor buttas....the trauma of 30 Jays...one is too much for her.....

take care guys...
JM


BW: 37
WH: 38
DS: 8
M: 8-26-95
D-Day: 8-24-05
Seperated: 8/24/05 WH was living next door at his mom's hanging out at our house all the time until... AUGUST 28th, 2007....I moved out...2008 we started reconciling...still seperated but moving forward...getting ready to move back together...until boom JUNE 2010....a new affair begins...NOW...

I have filed for Divorce.

Living by God's grace daily!!!!
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 948
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Hey, JM...
I'm GLAD things are going better for you, that you don't NEED to be on here all the time... I'm glad it was helpful during that rough spot. I was fortunate to have a co-worker that I share an office with that had been thru all of this A crap and she listened to my daily updates... you gotta have someone (or many people) to get thru this.

I just know you and Jay are gonna be great. I hope your WH wakes up. I don't know what to make of the gradual changes... my FWH's coming around was always like lightening striking. Of course, I pushed it more by filing for D, and writing him letters etc than you have, so that brought some sudden movement into the situation.

Jay is one funny kid. Email Justuss to get my email, I'd like to have a "real" way to get ahold of you to check in from time to time, and who knows - maybe even a meet up if we make it to TENN in August... It's JustUss2@aol.com

MSA


BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 601
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Oh JM, I feel for you - he is settling into living like this - cake eating - you and OW nicely fitting into his schedule - neither of you complaining. Both exhausted by the fight for him....

You will never have him back or have yopur ENs met unless you stop this "dance" and plan B him. Stop the dance - wake up - this is a living ****** - he is getting his needs met and so is acting like he used to - you are not - he is sucking the very life blood out of you.

Please write a plan B - just write it out.

The next affair he has will break OW's heart and OMG it will destroy you worse than before. You must act now.

Praying for you to come out of your exhaustion fog.

Linda


Me BSx2 63

1st M 13yrs WS Multiple As.

DD45 DD43 DS41 first marriage.

Him WS 56 P/A. PA + Multiple EAs from day one.

Current M. 26years

D Days 10/02, 11/02, 01/03, right up to 03/06

NC since 03/2006

Me Stage IV Breast Cancer since 36months,

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1).Titus wife, Linda
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JM, unfortunately I think silverpool is dead-on. You get your rest to gear up for the next round...

MSA


BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 200
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i'm having a really bad day...week....

things are just bad for me mentally, emotionally and spiritually guys.

MSA...SP...i hope you guys are out there.

i am not well. I feel like i am slipping into the worst depression of my life and no matter what i do i can't seem to pull myself up.

God has carried me. Just totally carried me when i couldn't breathe. I have leaned on him and he has guided my every step. I pray but i feel like i am alone. I don't know what God is telling me anymore...

I know that you guys think i have to do something...Plan B letter....something....and i do...but i honestly don't feel i have the strength to do it.

i am just spent guys. I don't know what or how, when or why. I just want to give up. Feeling like there isn't anything to work on....

I just cannot do this with him any longer. I don't like him. I don't like who he has become. this has gone on for so long now that i don't even know if i want to fix this M. I am starting to forget that there was something good about him. starting to forget that our M was ever good. Everything is just so scrambled up in my head i am just so....

I don't know how to do a Plan B. I know i have said it before....but i don't know how.

I wish i could make you see how he is....How he totally aggrevates the sh*t out of me about things....(one of the things that made me love him....)

If i am upset, angry, grumpy....he will aggrevate me until he gets a smile or something out of me....example....

i am lying on the bed....trying to avoid him...he comes in there..."why are you grumpy?"....i respond i am not....he continues on ...and on...over and over....until he starts slapping on my arm...in my face...saying HuH???? why???? tell me... so i get firm.....asking him to stop...

then he gets angry. starts in with Jay..."your moma hates me son....blah blah.."

Nothing works....

If i put my foot down and tell him to stop coming down to the house....he'll call a million times....then i have Jay crying and begging....for daddy to come...

then Jay runs out of the house...and to MILs and then both of them come to the house together.

He is RIGHT next door.

this is becoming a nightmare for me.

I have considered leaving and staying at my dad's....Jay just cries and cries....i just cannot do that to him and besides....the one sure thing that i know God has told me from the very beginning was STAY!

miserable. thats me.

you guys are probably thinking i have officially gone crazy now.

OH**** i nearly forgot ...i do have a piece of info...

my best friend....saw her friend who goes to church with OW and OWH...(she's the one who a couple months ago...told us...they left the church etc...) anyway....

she told best friend that they are back in church full time and in counseling with the pastor. so if nothing else....something must be going on on her end with her H that has caused the change.

at this point mentally...i really just don't care anymore.

guys...i really don't know....if it is worth working on anymore.

i look at my little boy....and how hard i have fought to keep his family together. to give him what i always wanted. to not have him grow up like i did feeling to blame for something that was sooo...not my fault....regardless you blame yourself at some point. to not lie to his friends like his mom did...because she was ashamed of her mom and what she was doing...to not have to remember...this. starting to think...there are alot worse things out there than divorce...this is one of them

i can't. I don't have it in me to do anymore....yet i don't know what to do...or how to change anything.

i'm rambling ....sorry....

Jay and i are going to Myrtle Beach with my family in about 3 weeks...maybe that will do me some good.

And before i go....Last night Jay was taking a bath...H was playing a game at the computer and i was folding clothes...Jay says to H ...."daddy...you need to stop doing what the devil is telling you to do....thats why you are not at home with me and mommy...'cause your doing what the devil tells you and not what God tells you..."

just out of the blue...Jay never looked up one time from playing as he said it....H ....just said..."yeah i know son...i know"


thanks for your ears/eyes...maybe its just PMS...????

later guys! JM

PS...MSA...i'm going to try to remember to open myself an email acct. I was going to just put mine on here...but its joint with H....


BW: 37
WH: 38
DS: 8
M: 8-26-95
D-Day: 8-24-05
Seperated: 8/24/05 WH was living next door at his mom's hanging out at our house all the time until... AUGUST 28th, 2007....I moved out...2008 we started reconciling...still seperated but moving forward...getting ready to move back together...until boom JUNE 2010....a new affair begins...NOW...

I have filed for Divorce.

Living by God's grace daily!!!!
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 601
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Posts: 601
You can email me at pool.silver@gmail.com - I will check several times a day. I cannot come here and look so much - it takes too much time and I have a lot of admin to do throughout the day in my groups, I am only on dial up, but I can check that email quickly.

God Bless

Linda


Me BSx2 63

1st M 13yrs WS Multiple As.

DD45 DD43 DS41 first marriage.

Him WS 56 P/A. PA + Multiple EAs from day one.

Current M. 26years

D Days 10/02, 11/02, 01/03, right up to 03/06

NC since 03/2006

Me Stage IV Breast Cancer since 36months,

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1).Titus wife, Linda
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 267
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Hi JM,

I so sorry to hear you are going through this... I don't know what to say. I've been praying for you, for me, for everyone on this forum, I just don't know WHY the H*LL people, good people, have to go through this...I just can't imagine what it is like to be in the fog...WHAT is IT that causes WS's to have this sweepingly damaging (to all the people around them) sense of entitlement. Arrgh...sorry, ranting, I just get SO angry about all of this.

So here we are, coping as best we can. From what I've read, you've done a pretty darn good Plan A. And now you're exhausted. I was so afraid of that. I wish I had some answers for you, but, as I'm learning (the hard way) it is SO important that you protect your feelings for him, you need to do this NOW. I think some of the others here have given you good advice as to how you might go about it.

I can't comment on the PMS...never had it...oh wait a minute...hmmm, (WARNING: incoming DJ) I live with it!! HA!

In the meantime, I want you to think about how you might regroup. Please take some time within yourself and LOVE yourself. LovingAnyway taught me that my esteem comes from within...thank you LA. So it can be for you. I hope you realize how hard you've fought, you've had more "patience/patients" than a WWII medic. But you can't become a causalty yourself, OK?

I'm sorry I've been "gone". I really haven't been, I check all the time, it's just that I'm so busy and I found that ruminating about this (my sitch) 24/7 was getting really draining and I needed a mental break.

I feel inadequate giving you advice right now b/c i'm not so sure that I've been following my own. I will say, that I have cranked my Plan A up to epic proportions, like I mean EPIC! I've been PERFECT. (I think..) That's why I've been so busy. And I've seen some results, but my sitch is still a mess. W has been planning vacations with me&kids, and the plans extend to next year even. Encouraging, but she STILL doesn't want to work on anything, and WON'T stop talking to OM. I talking to W yesterday and today about this for the first time in a long time...she nows I won't tolerate this disrespect to our family forever. I'm no doormat.

I've learned this one solid concept: standing up for your family is NOT a selfish demand. Do NOT be afraid to take steps that will serve your family.

So I blame MYSELF for not taking action. I haven't exposed. But I've lost the fear. I'm SO much healthier, mental and physically. I needed to take some time within me to recharge. I was SO drained...so i can relate. My little girls keep me going, I will do ANYTHING for them, for this family. I've started going to the gym, started kicking butt at work again. REALLY been working on myself, insulating myself from the pain, not by ignoring it, but by building myself up, giving myself the gift of personal successes, KNOWING that I am doing EXACTLY what needs to be done. Anything less would be letting myself down.

And so it can be with you! I sincerely hope you know that this situation does NOT mean that you are NOT valuable. You are in a tough situation; don't let your environment let you feel awful...you didn't wish this on yourself.

I'm glad to hear that my posts brought you up on your dark days, although I don't know how I can repay you for doing the same for me...

So, we have been both doing this for too long. I'm at 7mths, you're at what...9? Have you had enough? I've had enough! We can yank out our second (hmm..third, fourth) winds now.

Think about it...divorce is a lot of work. We BOTH have a lot of work ahead of us no matter what happens. How will we use our time?

Take care of yourself, Jay, and kitties...talk to you later. Don't think I'm gone...far from it!

CJ

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You can both do it - I am at four years and wasted sooo much time trying to keep doing a better and better and better Plan A. It just killed me over and over.

When you have someone who was self sentered before the affair, even when you were "happily married in their eyes", Then the fog is sooo depp and they will adapt anything you do to fit in with their self obsession.

So, until they cannot contact you or see you or talk to you and you keep it up until they drop the OP and make some good agreements, THEN, it gets through to them that there are other people in the marriage besides them.

Both of you write out your plan B letters and write out your options for plan B.

Go see lawyers and make some kind of finanacial and child agreement. Do not be where they can get to you. Structure child visitation so and in between does the exchange. Make it only possible for them to talk to you through and intermediary.

Go to the church they attend and talk to the pastor - out them there - appeal to him as a man of God to stop fostering adultery. He (the pastor) will have to answer to God for what he is doing - tell him that. God sent him two lost Lambs and he didn't show them the right way. He enabled them to stay lost. There is only one word of counselling for aduklterers in a church - it is STOP - and then the session is over.

It is better for a child to cry for a good reason now, than to cry for the rest of his life becuase his mother taught them to eat crow in his marriage and to never have the love of a good spouse.

If you could do a set of exercises now, that upset your child for a few months, but gauranteed he would never ever have cancer - wouldn't you do it glady, and encourage him to be cheerful, and tell him "this is something that will make us all happy in the end?"

Linda

JM - email me ... you need some extra support.


Me BSx2 63

1st M 13yrs WS Multiple As.

DD45 DD43 DS41 first marriage.

Him WS 56 P/A. PA + Multiple EAs from day one.

Current M. 26years

D Days 10/02, 11/02, 01/03, right up to 03/06

NC since 03/2006

Me Stage IV Breast Cancer since 36months,

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1).Titus wife, Linda
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 200
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Happy Long Weekend to you all....Yippee!!!

maybe Jay will sleep late in the morning...:) One can hope HUH?

CJ....OMG...i thought you were dead or something. Thank goodness your alive and well. I am still praying for you...i hope things are improving. You really shouldn't stay away like that you know....i've got enough to worry about...hehe....

seriously...glad to hear from you!!!

well things are just same ol'same ol' around here. the past 3-4 days H has drug himself around all depressed and withdrawn acting....ugghh. what gives with him????

i mean GEEZ already get over yourself...dang, he's had his cake, recliner, and someone feeding it to him all perched up on the fence for 9 freakin' months....the man should be on top of the world.

i don't get it. he is the most moody person since he has been sinning up a storm.

so over my head....i'm little...but it is soooo over my head....i just don't get it...these people leave their families because they want it...they choose it....they think it is going to make them happy....HAPPY....SOOOOO...why the heck isn't he?

Last night Jay asked him when he was coming home....his response..."i don't know son.." Jacob said...well the last time i asked you said you wasn't...... H just kept quiet......

"i don't know" "i'm confused" oh good Lord....confused my a5s! whats so confusing.....?????? the part where he doesn't want his wife but sure as heck doesn't want anyone else having her? please.....

can you all tell i'm in rare form.....just venting guys...look over me.....

why is he here every single day? why does he spend every evening with us? why does he want to be here but not sleep here? why has he starting flinching if i touch him again?

oh well....gotta go....buttas has silly puddy stuck in her fur....this should be fun....:)

Mrs. Stow...Linda......anyone.....here's my email...
[email]Isabelleshome@att.net.[/email] MSA...figured i'd just post it here...so email me anytime....Linda i just sent you an email....

see you guys later! Jaysmom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


BW: 37
WH: 38
DS: 8
M: 8-26-95
D-Day: 8-24-05
Seperated: 8/24/05 WH was living next door at his mom's hanging out at our house all the time until... AUGUST 28th, 2007....I moved out...2008 we started reconciling...still seperated but moving forward...getting ready to move back together...until boom JUNE 2010....a new affair begins...NOW...

I have filed for Divorce.

Living by God's grace daily!!!!
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